First time I've ever opened up about this

[WintersDust]

Wow,where to start.
I'm married for a long time now. And most wives can go to their husband for support and advice. But not me. He's critical. Judgemental. Not supportive in that sense of the word. His support is criticism, judgement,blame, etc...

Not long ago I lost the inherited family business through no fault of our own.
Now, we end up working for others and making in a two week pay period what we would have made in a couple of hours before.

That takes some getting use to let me tell you.

So tonight I'm at my second job, which I hate. Rude people, old equipment that's unreliable and makes for compromised customer service, etc....
I have a co-worker that is all the sudden hostile and ignores me when I try to talk to her. And being o don't have many people to talk to it bothered me that the environment was hostile.
So I asked her, are you going to talk to me?
After I'd tried to talk to her earlier and was rebuffed.

Long story short, no.
What do you want me to say? I don't have to talk to you.

That was it. I don't need a hostile neighbor at work so that I feel ignored at work the way I am at home.

So I go in the back and tell the managers there I just quit. And why.

Sounds petty, immature. My manager asked, so you're leaving,quitting,because she doesn't want to talk to you?
No,there was more to it than that,but that was part of it.

And it helped that she started to express to the manager the same hostility as she'd shown me. She did lie about one thing,and I noted that as a damn lie.
To which she responded,don't say damn to me!

Um ,what? You're hostile, ignore my existence overnight after being a mentor, and the D word triggers you?

I guess I'm whining trying to get support for my decision to leave my shift early. And why. Likely lost the job,but I hate it anyway. Pay is not commensurate with the stress.

I dunno. I feel like I'm going to be seen as an immature idiot.
But really,maybe, I'm just not happy and this is a symptom.

Any advice helps. I'm off for the next two days if I'd have worked the full shift. Who knows what tomorrow will bring when the senior managers get wind.

I do have another job that pays more. So I'm not compromised as far as being able to pay my bills.
Thank you for reading this.
God bless.

Edited to fix typos

 

[By_the_Book]

Wow,where to start.
I'm married for a long time now. And most wives can go to their husband for support and advice. But not me. He's critical. Judgemental. Not supportive in that sense of the word. His support is criticism, judgement,blame, etc...

Not long ago I lost the inherited family business through no fault of our own.
Now, we end up working for others and making in a two week pay period what we would have made in a couple of hours before.

That takes some getting use to let me tell you.

So tonight I'm at my second job, which I hate. Rude people, old equipment that's unreliable and makes for compromised customer service, etc....
I have a co-worker that is all the sudden hostile and ignores me when I try to talk to her. And being o don't have many people to talk to it bothered me that the environment was hostile.
So I asked her, are you going to talk to me?
After I'd tried to talk to her earlier and was rebuffed.

Long story short, no.
What do you want me to say? I don't have to talk to you.

That was it. I don't need a hostile neighbor at work so that I feel ignored at work the way I am at home.

So I go in the back and tell the managers there I just quit. And why.

Sounds petty, immature. My manager asked, so you're leaving,quitting,because she doesn't want to talk to you?
No,there was more to it than that,but that was part of it.

And it helped that she started to express to the manager the same hostility as she'd shown me. She did lie about one thing,and I noted that as a damn lie.
To which she responded,don't day damn to me!

Um ,what? You're hostile, ignore my existence overnight after being a mentor, and the D word triggers you?

I guess I'm wining trying to get support for my decision to leave my shift early. And why. Likely lost the job,but I hate it anyway. Pay is not commensurate with the stress.

I dunno. I feel like I'm going to be seen as an immature idiot.
But really,maybe, I'm just not happy and this is a symptom.

Any advice helps. I'm off for the next two days if I'd have worked the full shift. Who knows what tomorrow will bring when the senior managers get wind.

I do have another job that pays more. So I'm not compromised as far as being able to pay my bills.
Thank you for reading this.
God bless.

Alert to the overly sensitive don't read this.

I am 56 years old and had my first job at 15 and have been in functioning in our society ever since. Our society has become so mentally and emotionally broken. People have no idea how to act anymore, how to conduct themselves, and the younger they are the worse it is. People lack common sense, intelligence, and courtesy. It's become a very unpleasant place to be anymore. And I believe it's even worse for people who are truly living out their faith, that comes with its own brand of hostility which is unwarranted.

I heard a military officer about 20 or 22 years ago now who was in charge of dealing with the new recruits and they were saying the level of young recruits that they were getting that were officially rated as emotionally handicapped, their words exactly not mine. And that was 20 years ago. Your comment about how the person could not handle the word damn made me think of that.

People literally do not know how to act and conduct themselves and it is astounding the level of ignorance in these areas that exist.

 

[Sabertooth]

@WintersDust,

1. Your inability to talk to your husband is troubling. Is he a believer? If so, do you have a pastor or elder who can counsel you or the both of you?
2. Having your husband as your confidant is best, even if he is a fallen human (like everyone else).
3. If you had that, you would probably be more resilient in other antagonistic settings.

Not having been at your job when you got upset, no one here can speak to that.

 

[WintersDust]

Alert to the overly sensitive don't read this.

I am 56 years old and had my first job at 15 and have been in functioning in our society ever since. Our society has become so mentally and emotionally broken. People have no idea how to act anymore, how to conduct themselves, and the younger they are the worse it is. People lack common sense, intelligence, and courtesy. It's become a very unpleasant place to be anymore. And I believe it's even worse for people who are truly living out their faith, that comes with its own brand of hostility which is unwarranted.

I heard a military officer about 20 or 22 years ago now who was in charge of dealing with the new recruits and they were saying the level of young recruits that they were getting that were officially rated as emotionally handicapped, their words exactly not mine. And that was 20 years ago. Your comment about how the person could not handle the word damn made me think of that.

People literally do not know how to act and conduct themselves and it is astounding the level of ignorance in these areas that exist.

Thank you.

 

[disciple Clint]

Wow,where to start.
I'm married for a long time now. And most wives can go to their husband for support and advice. But not me. He's critical. Judgemental. Not supportive in that sense of the word. His support is criticism, judgement,blame, etc...

Not long ago I lost the inherited family business through no fault of our own.
Now, we end up working for others and making in a two week pay period what we would have made in a couple of hours before.

That takes some getting use to let me tell you.

So tonight I'm at my second job, which I hate. Rude people, old equipment that's unreliable and makes for compromised customer service, etc....
I have a co-worker that is all the sudden hostile and ignores me when I try to talk to her. And being o don't have many people to talk to it bothered me that the environment was hostile.
So I asked her, are you going to talk to me?
After I'd tried to talk to her earlier and was rebuffed.

Long story short, no.
What do you want me to say? I don't have to talk to you.

That was it. I don't need a hostile neighbor at work so that I feel ignored at work the way I am at home.

So I go in the back and tell the managers there I just quit. And why.

Sounds petty, immature. My manager asked, so you're leaving,quitting,because she doesn't want to talk to you?
No,there was more to it than that,but that was part of it.

And it helped that she started to express to the manager the same hostility as she'd shown me. She did lie about one thing,and I noted that as a damn lie.
To which she responded,don't say damn to me!

Um ,what? You're hostile, ignore my existence overnight after being a mentor, and the D word triggers you?

I guess I'm whining trying to get support for my decision to leave my shift early. And why. Likely lost the job,but I hate it anyway. Pay is not commensurate with the stress.

I dunno. I feel like I'm going to be seen as an immature idiot.
But really,maybe, I'm just not happy and this is a symptom.

Any advice helps. I'm off for the next two days if I'd have worked the full shift. Who knows what tomorrow will bring when the senior managers get wind.

I do have another job that pays more. So I'm not compromised as far as being able to pay my bills.
Thank you for reading this.
God bless.

Edited to fix typos

Typically people who act the way your husband act do so because they were treated that way when they were children, they do not understand that it is destructive.

 

[WintersDust]

Typically people who act the way your husband act do so because they were treated that way when they were children, they do not understand that it is destructive.

Thank you. Good point about family history.

 

[linux.poet]

@WintersDust
You may find Dr. Paul Meier's Don't the Jerks Get the Best of You to be a helpful book in general. As for your husband, perhaps the work of Patrick Teahan LISCW might be of use.

Description: A childhood trauma therapist explains common patterns of how having a bad family growing up can contribute to problems in marriage relationships later on.

"Childhood trauma" is an overly strong set of loaded words, but if someone grew up in an overly critical household, they are going to be badly hurting on the inside. Also, your husband just lost a family business and the loss of income is hard on a man. It's important to men to be able to provide, and not being able to do so hurts them. He's in bad shape.

However, in your case you are dying of stress yourself, and you are not going to be able to perform work on him right now. I would encourage you to reach out to a friend, some sisters in your local body of Christ, to help you heal, and maybe refer him to a Christian therapist when you're in a better frame of mind.