Finding Peace

[JeanR]

As I drove home on Friday from my business trip, I traveled on Route 80 in upstate Pennsylvania. This was a route that we had always wanted to take together because so many had said it is a beautiful ride. And, here I was traveling this route alone.

For the first time since Terry died, I was able to pray. As I traveled through the mountains and marveled at the wintry beauty, I felt God's presence with me. This has been an area that I have struggled with since Terry's passing. I haven't been able to pray or even read by bible. I found myself talking to God and the "whys" and "hows" just seemed to disappear. I'll never know the answer to those questions, but I did find peace and acceptance.

I know that there will be difficult days ahead, in fact, last night was one of those evenings. I found myself crying harder than I have ever cried. But, I feel stronger now and my mind is not so muddled. I will love Terry forever, but now I have to deal with the void that now exists where he once was. I know with God's help I will push forward.

Having said that, please pray for me. February 19th would have been our 30th wedding anniversary. It happens to fall on President's Day this year, so I have the day off. I have also taken the 20th off. I plan on going away somewhere by myself. Haven't quite decided where yet, probably the shore. My friends are worried about me and said I shouldn't be alone. But, I need to be alone. I need to have a good cry. But, I also know that I need the Lord's presence with me. So, if you could uphold me in prayer leading up to next weekend, please do.

Jean

 

[Dawiddlegirl]

I will pray for you Jean. You will never be alone. Terry will be wtih you.

 

[Missinyou]

Having gone through our 31st anniversary last October 3rd, I kind of agree with your friends. I know we are all different, but when I came to the realization that it was our anniversary day, I could hardly stand the silence of the house. I called my brother, but couldn't talk, so I hung up, not knowing what I wanted. I wandered the rooms, looked at her picture, and wept so hard. It was such a welcome relief when my sister in law showed up on the door step. I really didn't care who it was but I just wanted a presence... I didn't even care if they said anything (tears keep falling as I'm typing this) In fact I probably didn't want her to say anything at all. I guess what I'm trying to say is, be alone, but not so alone there is no one close when you cry out for help. Yes God will be with you, and he will bring some comfort, but it's hard to replace the presence of a true friend...and I'm not talking about your husband. He will never be replaced...by anyone, and his presence will always be near...if only in memory.

What's with this day anyway...??? I have just spent the last half hour setting here crying over my keyboard. And it hit all of a sudden and with the force of a cannon ball. What's going on???

You will be in my prayers today Jean, and on your anniversary. I know from experience, you're going to need all the help you can get.