- Jan 26, 2003
- 10,884
- 1,306
- 58
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Private
Hi all,
It's felt like it's been many years since I've logged into CF but I felt the need to offload about something that I've not even talked to my family about.
For quite some time, my oldest adult child has been encouraging me to begin to think about remarriage. She's done this sometimes in jest but more recently with the reason that both of my kids are getting older. Soon my youngest will be entering seniors (in the UK we say they'll be doing their GCSEs) and I know it won't be long before he considers university etc. In all cases though my focus has been them, just them, ploughing all my energies into making a happy and stable home for them.
I'd always maintained that I had no interest in being reconciled with my ex. He has not changed albeit that he's mellowed in terms of how he interacts with the kids. But the desire to be back with him died when he first laid his hand on my oldest when she was 8 and made her life miserable.
Here's the thing - I'd recently discovered that he had remarried and I felt a sense of relief. Not only had he remarried but his spouse had subsequently died. I felt so guilty therefore feeling a sense of relief when I heard the news. Not that his spouse had died but that he'd moved on, and gotten married. I think I had always mentally switched off from the idea that I could move on with my life and would therefore not entertain the possibility of getting involved in another relationship or getting remarried. I'd accepted a life of celibacy. Biblically speaking there was still a grey area for me in that he'd not committed adultery when we divorced even though there was abuse. He was a non believer though. So I remained single on the very rare possibility that he would have some kind of Paul (on the road to Damascus) encounter with God, become born again and turn his back from his abusive ways (which of course never happened).
This year will signify 10 years since our divorce was finalised, 13 years since the marriage broke down, but it's felt like some chains have been broken off from me when I heard he'd remarried and I finally feel like I can move on and explore relationships/friendships with a Christian man. When I'd prayed about how I was feeling I was reminded of Deut 24:1-4 and 1 Cor 7:15.
Perhaps this was the confirmation from the Lord that I can finally be free....
It's felt like it's been many years since I've logged into CF but I felt the need to offload about something that I've not even talked to my family about.
For quite some time, my oldest adult child has been encouraging me to begin to think about remarriage. She's done this sometimes in jest but more recently with the reason that both of my kids are getting older. Soon my youngest will be entering seniors (in the UK we say they'll be doing their GCSEs) and I know it won't be long before he considers university etc. In all cases though my focus has been them, just them, ploughing all my energies into making a happy and stable home for them.
I'd always maintained that I had no interest in being reconciled with my ex. He has not changed albeit that he's mellowed in terms of how he interacts with the kids. But the desire to be back with him died when he first laid his hand on my oldest when she was 8 and made her life miserable.
Here's the thing - I'd recently discovered that he had remarried and I felt a sense of relief. Not only had he remarried but his spouse had subsequently died. I felt so guilty therefore feeling a sense of relief when I heard the news. Not that his spouse had died but that he'd moved on, and gotten married. I think I had always mentally switched off from the idea that I could move on with my life and would therefore not entertain the possibility of getting involved in another relationship or getting remarried. I'd accepted a life of celibacy. Biblically speaking there was still a grey area for me in that he'd not committed adultery when we divorced even though there was abuse. He was a non believer though. So I remained single on the very rare possibility that he would have some kind of Paul (on the road to Damascus) encounter with God, become born again and turn his back from his abusive ways (which of course never happened).
This year will signify 10 years since our divorce was finalised, 13 years since the marriage broke down, but it's felt like some chains have been broken off from me when I heard he'd remarried and I finally feel like I can move on and explore relationships/friendships with a Christian man. When I'd prayed about how I was feeling I was reminded of Deut 24:1-4 and 1 Cor 7:15.
Perhaps this was the confirmation from the Lord that I can finally be free....
