The good doctor looked at his new sidekick,
@Dirk1540 and shook his head. 'They sure don't make sidekicks like they used to', he thought to himself as he watched Dirk's pink tutu bobbing up and down. The dubious duo descended into the bowels of the ship. He didn't think he would have minded so much if it were Sam wearing the tutu, but it really didn't suit Dirk - the image not only offended his eyes, but turned his stomach. Clearly, this must be some sort of test, that
@Sam91, in her heroinic wisdom, needed him to complete in order for him to prove to her his worthiness for being her sidekick.
'That must have been why she was crying', he thought. 'She thinks I will be unable to handle the monster and will forever be unworthy to be her sidekick. And she realises that she will be unable to build as many churches without my pyramid-laying hands.'
Doctor Sphinx's mildy obnoxious Much-Reduced-Ego also followed, mysteriously attached somehow to his heart - like a veruca is attached to a toad, only much bigger than a toad, and with a personality of its own. Unfortunately, every time the doctor considered how he would gloriously defeat the monster, and the others would celebrate his battle prowess, and Sam91 would mention how worthy he was to be her sidekick - the Much-Reduced-Ego, irrespective of its battle scars, became that much less battle-scarred and reduced.
The doctor sighed to himself. 'I'm going to be unbearable by the time I get back', he told Dirk, but Dirk only curtsied. The doctor looked away in disgust.
All of a sudden, a hideous, horrible monster dropped down on the duo. It had sharp teeth, red eyes, and greener, scalier skin than the most wicked of politicians. Doctor Sphinx, in the dim light, at first thought it might have been the
@GreenWizard playing a little joke, but reconsidered on realising the monster didn't smell nearly half as bad as the leprechaun.
'Its probably what Sam turned Hezekiah into, after feeding him after midnight,' explained Doctor Sphinx to the bewildered and fearful Dirk.
On seeing Dirk's worried look at the sight of the monster, the good doctor quoted (from the ESV, as that's the version superheroines prefer) 'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23 verse 4'. He wasn't sure if Dirk was comforted.
The monster seemed to have picked Dirk as its first target. Doctor Sphinx hypothesised that perhaps the monster had read Sun Tsu's best-seller, the Art of War, and based on what it had read, had decided to attack the weakest enemy - the man with the tutu. If only Sam91 were here - she would have a field-day with the scientific discoveries she would behold. While the Doctor dwelled on such thoughts, Dirk evaded the monster's first strike skillfully, but unfortunately, his tutu did not. Doctor Sphinx shielded his eyes with his hand in disgust for the second time that evening.
'Here Dirk - take these handkerchiefs to make yourself decent and begone', shouted the doctor angrily. He wondered if Sam91 didn't send Dirk as she knew he would be a bigger challenge than the monster. The second swipe of the monster hit the doctor square in the arm, its sharp claws tearing a hunk of his flesh. He yelped in pain and frustration, but mostly frustration. He also imagined how the others would celebrate him, when the monster was slain. The Much-Reduced-Ego grew a little larger, some of its battle scars dissolving.
The doctor consulted his inventory to determine what assets he had in his possession. 'Hmmmm.... Bleach, posies, perfume, holy water and a barge-pole.'
Sam91 had prepared him well. If only he hadn't had to waste his handkerchiefs to clothe Dirk - the ugliest ballerina he'd ever set eyes on - to save his sight. Doctor Sphinx was able to evade the next strike of the monster, and he in turn sent a shower of bleach in the direction of the monster's eyes. It howled in pain, but this did not stop its sharp teeth biting off a piece of the Doctor's leg. The doctor again imagined the triumphal songs the CF crew would sing about his defeat of the beast, and the Somewhat-Reduced-Ego grew a little larger again, with most of its battle-scars visibly healed.
The monster struck again with a blow to the head, stunning the doctor momentarily. The doctor returned fire with a volley of posies, perfume and holy water. Apart from making the monster look and smell a little better, the attack didn't do much. He envisaged how
@christine40 may even make a special visit to celebrate his grand victory, and his Grandly-Inflated-Ego was back to its old self. The doctor groaned - 'How was he going to explain this to Sam91?'
Taking the last item from the doctor's inventory - the barge-pole - the fully-recovered, Grandly-Inflated-Ego marched up to the monster, and inserted the barge-pole into an ignoble part of the beast, in such a way as to quickly smite it.
'But how willl I explain this turn of events to Sam91...' worried the doctor.
'Since when do superheros explain anything to sidekicks?' asked the Grandly-Inflated-Ego. And the doctor realised the Grandly-Inflated-Ego was right - Sam91 would be honoured to be the sidekick of such a hero, the others grateful to be his minions... Although maybe he wouldn't take Dirk. 'Minions like Dirk only serve to ruin one's reputation,' he thought to himself, as the Grandly-Inflated-Ego carried the doctor back to the others, bloody but victorious.
