Fill-In-The-Blank Game!

[Doctor.Sphinx]

'Why Sam91,' exclaimed Doctor Sphinx supportively, 'What a lovely colour you've turned.'

'I'm quite sorry Samantha91 for the bad run of luck you've been having, but these things do tend to happen from time to time' he said to the upset crew member.

'Why, I lost my ophiophagus hannah Hillary Rodham Clinton the other day, but I didn't go around accusing people of stealing her. That's just what happens when you live on a ship, like the Sea Forth.'

'The small contraption you found was quite possibly a gift, from our dear Captain', explained Doctor Sphinx. 'Very precise. Good for wart removal.' He tapped his chin indicatively while staring at the same region on Samantha91's chin, as if he were indicating she had some sort of abormality in that area.

'And your scarf? Well, it is Summer now, so you wouldn't want to be too warm anyway. Honestly Samantha, I'm sorry you're upset, but nobody likes a conspiracy theorist.'

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

Doctor Sphinx whispered to Sam91, probably a little too loudly... 'I don't really think you're a preaching conscience - more a conscience and a friend - so I believe its okay for me to listen to you, at least, while we're not at church. But I wanted to say that I think that Psalm is really working - I almost feel sorry for Samantha'.

@LaSorcia and @*LILAC still seemed to be comforting Samantha, and all 3 were now covered in sauce. Doctor Sphinx tried not to smile, but he ended up only half-concealing it, and looking quite sinister. He slowly waved the fingers of his left hand at the onlookers, in an endeavour to dampen their suspicions, but this act may have only served to increase their doubts.

Captain @DavidFirth was still looking thoughtful, so Doctor Sphinx decided he'd offer to lighten the mood with a game of cards.

 

[Sam91]

Sam 91 decided that maybe not scurrying off to her room would be the wisest course of action. She sat down to play uno, inwardly thankful that she still had a friend, and tried to not seem too guilty looking!

'Dr S, I have an idea!!!! The yarmulke of truth!!!' Exclaimed Sam91 joyfully!!

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

'Oh, errr... I get a little bit nervous wearing that Sam91', explained the good doctor, somewhat nervously. 'Must we?'

Sam91 nodded, and the doctor brought the yarmulke of truth out, and sat it neatly atop her well-shaped head.

 

[Sam91]

'I did mean on the other Sam's head. But we could play a game first to lighten the mood. Truth or Truth!'

Doctor.Sphinx paled...

'So Samantha, what do you think of my new T-shirt' asked @DavidFirth

'It suits you! I like it, it is good to know who the authority figures are.'

The Sphinx donned the yarmulke apprehensively.

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

'Am I really 6000 plus years old?' he asked himself.

'No, sadly, I am not' he answered, as truthfully as he dared.

The CF crew jointly let out a gasp of disbelief.

Sam91 reached into her handbag for the guillotine-of-asbsolute-truthfulness, but decided against its use this time, as it hardly seemed fair to punish someone for a lie when they had finally come clean of it.

Doctor Sphinx hurriedly passed the yarmulke of truth to the next player - Samantha91.

 

[Sam91]

@Sam91 gave him back the yarmulke.

'No Sphinxy someone else asks the question or there is no fun involved'

@DavidFirth asked 'tell us the most embarassing story of your time in Egypt'

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

Doctor Sphinx looked at Sam91 embarrassedly. 'Must I?' he asked.

@Sam91 nodded.

'Well, Captain', Doctor Sphinx began, 'that is to say...' @DavidFirth nodded encouragingly.

'Well, the truth of the matter is...' @LaSorcia stifled a yawn.

'How about, would you believe me, if I told you, I have never been to Egypt?' the doctor asked, as he stared at the ground.

 

[Sam91]

@Sam91 fainted...

 

[Sam91]

Murmers abounded. Something was drastically wrong. Who had travelled to Egypt with the crew... who had returned with the scorpion bites. Was this a replicant?

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

'Ha! Ha!' Doctor Sphinx laughed. 'The yarmulke of truth doesn't actually stop me from asking questions?' he stated, as if he didn't already know.

'Okay, most embarassing story of my time in Egypt?' the doctor repeated the question.

'There was a lovely young lady, who once did seek audience with the Pharaoh, and I did advise this lady that she should wear the Egyptian traditional dress, the kalasiris, which has a nice ring to its name.'

'Anyway, the young girl went out to purchase the said traditional attire, and to her horror - and mine later on when she informed me - it was of the most immodest style. The kalasiris for males actually covered more of the body than the female kalasiris - which in a sin-free world, would be quite understandable and possibly beneficial for all, but in the world we currently live, not so - and me, being familiar with the male kalasiris, simply presumed that the female version would be at least as modest, if not moreso. And so I gave that lady bad advice, and subsequently fell afoul of the Pharaoh on a related matter', the Sphinx concluded.

 

[Sam91]

Once everybody stopped laughing, and sam91 had lost her reddish hue for the multiple time so far that morning, the good doctor presented @Samantha91 with the yarmulke of truth.

The look of scorn on her face was almost imperceptible. She had little credence for the abilities of Sam91's gadgets and gizmos. Even if the yarmulke worked on others, surely it wouldn't work on her. She believed herself superior; she was above the law, above the normal social rules.

On the top of her head she placed the Jewish skullcap. 'Fire away Doctor' She said.

'Who do you believe cut up your scarf.'

'Sam91' she thought she said.

'Will you repeat that please?' Smiled the shrewd but good Doc.

'It was me' Samantha 91 heard herself say. She shook her head and attempted to add to her story to discredit Sam91 but said...

'She has been mostly good to me.' Shaking her head to try to dismiss her utterings. 'I hate her! I think that she thinks she is better than me but she isn't. I want to screw up her life and I will given the opportunity. Her and that awful accomplice of hers!'

The crew looked at her in amazement.

'Seize her!' Shouted @Sam91.. (she loved that phrase)...

'Off with her head!' Sam91 (she loves that phrase too) continued in her fervour....

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

The good doctor, excited at the prospect of a double-blessing - the exoneration of his friend and punishment of the evil-doer - enthusiasticly rifled through her handbag. There were enough items to fill a museum - yarmulkes of various sizes to improve one's skills, sharp implements of all persuasions to remove one's ailments, and finally, the dreaded guillotine collection - for when all hope was lost, and the only solution that remained was removal of the entire diseased appendage, in hopes of saving the rest of the body.

Doctor Sphinx was fairly sure by now that @Sam91 must be French - only the French could be so passionate, but at the same time, so gruesomely, bloodthirstily deadly. Taking the largest, greatest guillotine of them all - the great grand-mama Madame La Guillotine herself, he heaved the morbid contraption over to Sam91.

The good captain @DavidFirth oversaw the young sidekicks @Lost4words and @GreenWizard hold the now crying Samantha91 from escaping - with their eyes purposely averted, to counter the magnetic attraction she seemed to have over them.

'Please!' Samantha91 called out pitifully, as tears poured down her treachurous-but-beautiful face. 'Please don't kill me!'

'Off with her head!' exclaimed Sam91 again with religious zeal, now wearing the yarmulke of justice-for-the-fully-pharasaical-and-superficially-scrupulous.

The doctor, now not so sure that his conscience was following the best course of action, interjected 'Uhhh... Sam91. I agree that this wicked perpetrator, liar and fraud should be punished... But is there no other way to punish her? Perhaps you could just shave off her hair, as a constant reminder of the shame and embarrassment that she is and caused?' He offered his conscience a pair of clippers, but Sam91 shook her head.

'No', she explained. 'A head as wicked as this one can only be cured by the ultimate justice,' she explained grimly.

Doctor Sphinx shuddered somewhat. 'Well, would you mind excusing me then?' he asked.

'Whatever for, Doctor?' Sam91 asked incredulously. 'Wouldst thou abandon me now, in mine hour of triumph?'

'Oh, I'm sorry Sam91. It's not that, I just can't stand the sight of blood.' Sam91 rolled her eyes, as the once-reliable-but-now-clearly-not doctor retreated his way into the ship.

The sidekicks secured Samantha91's head in the stocks, as *Lilac uncharacteristically began the drumroll. However, before the clearly innocent and now vindicated Sam91 could give GreenWizard the signal to release the deadly blade, a strange beggar emerged from the decks below.

'Yarmulkes for sale, yarmulkes for sale,' the pedlar called.

Sam91 couldn't resist a bargain, and this guy seemed to be the real deal, wearing an authentic, certified yarmulke of genuine-Jewish-gear himself.

'80% reduction in price, you won't find quality yarmulkes anywhere else for so cheap', the pedlar intoned.

'A few moments to get myself some bargains,' Sam91 thought, 'and we can get back to avenging myself upon mine enemy'.

However, the few moments turned into a few minutes, and the few minutes turned into a few minutes more, and before Sam91 knew it, she was holding more quality yarmulkes than she could poke a shtick at, and for a mere fraction of their usual price.

'Just a few moments', she told the sidekicks. 'Keep Samantha91 in the stocks while I take these yarmulkes to my room'.

'Uhh, why don't you just put them in your handb...' the GreenWizard started to say, before Sam91 thought she saw the pedlar kick him... However, she was too interested in her new collection of yarmulkes to pay much attention to that.

Sam91 and the yarmulke pedlar walked below decks, both carrying nearly their own weights in yarmulkes to her room.

Sam91 returned several minutes later. 'That pedlar seemed to vanish as soon as we got the yarmulkes to my room', she informed DavidFirth. 'I think you may need to deal with a stowaway when we finish dealing with Saman...' her voice trailed off, as she saw the stocks empty, GreenWizard and Lost4words looking guiltily at the deck, and DavidFirth whistling an old sailing tune and pretending to look at the weather.

'Where is Samantha91?' demanded Sam91 angrily.

'Its an odd and bizarre story,' explained the Captain, doing his best to take control of the situation. 'After you left, the pedlar came back, told us you had taken dreadfully ill, and that you had instructed us to realease the prisoner.'

'And you believed him?' asked Sam91.

'Well, there is certainly less cleaning up to be done' explained the Captain optimistically.

At that moment, Doctor Sphinx returned to the deck. 'Ah, well done Sam91. Well done Captain Firth. I see you have already dispatched Samantha *and* most importantly, cleaned up the mess'.

'Actually, Doctor,' Sam91 said quietly, angrily, 'a pedlar seems to have been instrumental in that villain's recent escape.'

Doctor Sphinx nodded his head knowingly, and quoted, somewhat poetically:

'They seek him here,
They seek him there,
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.'

'What are you talking about Doctor?', asked Sam91.

'The Scarlet Pimpernell, of course,' explained Doctor Sphinx. 'He was quite a scourge during the French Revolution also. It seems, our prisoner - and your nemeis, Samantha91 - has been rescued by none other than the Scarlet Pimpernell...'

 

[Sam91]

@Sam91 was very relieved that she didn't need to follow through with that gruesome task.

She had, infact, been impersonating the queen of hearts! Being a fan of Alice in Wonderland. The guilotine, this time, was the last thing in her mind. If the not-so-good doctor had not brought out the guilotine the whole near-decapitation wouldn't have so nearly happened. Things had gotten a bit desperate from there. She doubted that she could have carried the sentence through. Though not wanting to give it any further thought. She repented and rejoiced that the-narcissistic-maybe-sociopathic-samantha91 had been removed swiftly from the ship.

She retreated to bake a cake in @joyshirley 's mini oven to repair relations with the rest of the CF crew.

@LaSorcia and @Tom Farebrother were deep in debate about the customs and legislation of common courtesy. Things were getting heated between the two of them and @Doctor.Sphinx marvelled at how laSorcia's pinky did not waver from its genteel position. He began to suspect that it was actually locked into position from a badly healed fracture.

@CtC had just finished the prototype-realistic-synthetic-prosthetic-nose.

'@Doctor.Sphinx come here.
I'd like to test out,
this wonderful snout!' He called.

Sphinxy put it to his face.
'This will not do!
It has a hue of blue.
Didn't you know,
it should be yellow!'

The overworked-overburdened-juggling-too-many-projects-@ctc rhymed with..

'Well have a think,
I'll change the ink.
You'll love not hate,
just you wait!'

Even @*LILAC, polite and lovely as she was, struggled to keep herself from covering her ears at the torturous rhyming couplets.

The newly-self-named (to-emulate-her-mentor)-Dr Sam91 heard the dialogue as she climbed the steps. She gasped.

'Not the dreaded Faux-barditis! How did you two even contract this? Little research has been done into this disease!!'

She took their blood for analysis and brewed an anti-viral tea for the whole ship hoping to halt further spread. Judging at how poor the rhymes had been so far, it could end up being very disruptive and disastrous.

'Oh what a mess,
The ink's my guess!'

The inspired CTC suggested.

 

[Sam91]

Captain @DavidFirth begged

'Oh Doctor please won't you check
Me horrendous poopdeck'

Sphinx replied
'You're asking in vain,
I'll not tell you again'

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

Doctor Sphinx decided to join in the game. He hoped someone on the crew was French (maybe Samantha91 or the pedlar), or his (plagurised - obviously) poem would be said to no-one...

'What is it you Frenchies say? Tou-che?
You see I'm a poet, and you didn't know it?'

 

[Sam91]

@GreenWizard rhymed

'You rhyme pretty bad,
Go practise my lad'

@Sam91 grabbed her microscope. Fearing to speak. She had a cure to seek.

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

@GreenWizard rhymed

'You rhyme pretty bad,
Go practise my lad'

@Sam91 grabbed her microscope. Fearing to speak. She had a cure to seek.

Mildly grated at how his last post rated, the good Doctor Sphinx spoke, about Sam91's microscope.

'A guillotine,' he said,
'May cure a bad head,
But with a microscope
You do have little hope.'

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

Doctor Sphinx obligingly started swabbing the 'poopdeck' and 'squaring away' all objectible materials thereon, although, he was sure to make the point to Captain @DavidFirth, this was 'under protest and extreme duress'.

'Honestly,' he thought to himself 'I haven't observed such a callous disregard for basic hygiene and human decency since... well actually, since just last week, and the episode involving @Sam91's lips. Even filthy cats know well enough to bury the offensive, and barbarian sailors simply use the ocean, but good Captain D Firth of the CF Sea Forth demands we reserve an entire deck at the aft of the ship for this repulsive custom. Although,' he reasoned optimistically, 'it could have been far worse, had the Scarlet Pimpernell not struck at the last moment to save the treachurous Samantha91.'

Sure, he was aware his colleague, Dr Sam91 was quite a kind doctor, who, despite her love of the opportunity to treat any medical condition, would probably not have wanted Samantha91 to lose her entire head, although, he reasoned, when he suggested a potentially suitable remedy involving only the traitor's beautiful-if-not-treasonous hair, it had been duly rejected...

His internal debate was interrupted by the good Captain DavidFirth, who seemed to be playing some sort of silly game.

'Doctor Sphinx, we're in a quandry,
And I am feeling a touch too wonder-y.'

'Wonder-y is not even a word, Captain Firth, and you should know it', snapped back the good Doctor.

'No doctor,' whispered Sam91. ''Tis the Faux-barditis!' she continued excitedly.

'What are you talking about, Doctor 91?' asked Doctor Sphinx.

'The Faux-barditis!' Sam91 exclaimed again. ''Tis a disease!'

'Well', he noted, 'I understand what 'faux' means, but barditis I have never heard in all my 6000 plus years of medicine.'

'Is it really 6000 plus years?' asked Sam91 in awe.

'Well, probably 6000 plus is an overstatement,' admitted Doctor Sphinx, realising that his colleague must have been brushing up on her mathematical abilities of late. He must remember not to overplay his years of practice in future.

Doctor Sphinx opened his quick-reference Medical Dictionary for Ailments and Itises of the Seven Seas, and quickly turned to the 'barditis' page, before recoiling in horror. 'Oh, I'm sorry Sam91,' he explained, somewhat disgustedly, 'this one is beyond my help.' He patted his colleague on the back. 'It'll be all up to you!'

'Why, what does it say?' asked the new doctor, concerned.

'Ah, my mistake', apologised Doctor Sphinx, checking his quick-reference dictionary again. 'I was looking at the wrong entry. Now... barditis. Barditis is an acute inflammation of the amygdala, usually resulting from either a viral infection or one's associates' superior mastery of one's own language, causing an overstimulation of the limbic cortex, and causing one to commit verbiage mostly using rhyme.'

'Can you translate that into English, please, since we're travelling overseas?' asked @*LILAC politely, who had really been listening and watching all the time, but had just been a little bit overly quiet of late.

'It means,' explained Doctor Sphinx, with more enthusiasm that one would hope to see, were one's doctor offering one that sort of a cure, 'that we're going to need to use Doctor Sam91's guillotine of truth again!'

'Uh, Doctor. I'm not sure that the guilotine of truth would help with this particular ailment. The Faux-barditis affects the brain, not the tongue...' argued Sam91.

'Ah, but the tongue is the conduit through which the ailment translates its effects,' countered Doctor Sphinx. 'Remove the tongue, and the symptoms will cease, no matter how feverishly the Faux-barditis endeavours to force its host to verbalise.'

Doctor Sam91 frowned at Doctor Sphinx. She admitted that she might have gone a little too far with her push for the punishment of Samantha91, but for saying he didn't like the sight of blood, he sure dreamed up some gruesome cures.

'No Doctor', she continued. 'With respect, our aim is to treat the disease, not only the symtoms'.

At these words, Doctor Sphinx sat down. 'In the last hundred years of Western Medicine, I have never heard such words,' he responded truthfully. 'So you wish to make the entire patient better, not merely inhibit the disease's selected outlet for announcing its presence?' questioned the Doctor, incredulous at the new doctor's methods, but not disappointed.

'Well, yes, of course!' explained Sam91 surprised. 'Isn't that what all doctors do?'

Doctor Sphinx was about to break into another one of his famous lectures, when the good Captain DavidFirth interjected.

'There once was a doctor - quite strapping.
But when talking, the crew didst go napping,
'Til his Captain and friend,
Did say this in the end,
"Find a cure - don't forestall - and stop yapping."'

 

[Sam91]

@Sam91 announced

"The prognosis is good
Worry not ye should
In a matter of time
We will cease to rhyme!

A strong immune system
Is built to resist em
The germs they will die
The end will be nigh

CtC's stopped rhyming
In all good timing
We'll be done soon
And then be immune!''

There was a collective sigh of relief at this.

''There was once a doc who was strapping
If only he'd cease the yapping
His friends they all said
Many times on this thread
His prolixity was mind-zapping" giggled the not-quite-as-good Dr Sam91

"The Captains a hero
Give him a cheer-o,
He's fair and just
Easy to trust
Except when the ribs are at zero!'' She uttered smirking at Captain @DavidFirth