Fights?

[chris414]

Hey guys

Im in my first relationship now of 4 months and the last month has had a good share of fights (compared to the first three where everything was blissful and peaceful for 95% of the time). I know there are suposed to be different stages within a relationship and that its normal to move from the "happy romantic" stage to the "problem" stage at about this time, as well as that its normal to fight... what worries me however is that even if we can sort out every problem as it arises, does that not make us just good problem solvers and not necesarily "right" for each other? when people say it's normal to fight, are they meaning its normal to have like one fight in a week, a month, 3 months?? im really confused now....

Thanks,
Chris

 

[gottabemore2life]

Just because two people fight does not mean they are not right for each other and just because two people NEVER fight does not mean they are right for each other! There will be mountains and there will be valleys. I see fighting mostly as a healthy thing because that means everything is out in the open! I used to be one of those partners that just kept everything inside thinking it would blow over or he would change without me saying anything. Glad I got over that stage in my life! I am much happier now when I let things out and let my feelings be known.

I don't think there is a limit to how many fights until you think you aren't right for each other. For awhile there me and my boyfriend were getting in fights every weekend. But we made it through that phase (Thank you, Jesus) and now we enjoy our time together much more!

I also think there is a difference between fighting and arguing. If you can learn to express your feelings without getting angry and learn to listen to criticism and also give constructive criticism, then it become a discussion, not a fight, per say.

I only see my boyfriend on the weekends, if I am lucky and when we spent all out time getting in fights, it was really hard to want to make it work. But we both realized that we would rather spend our days enjoying each other's company rather than yelling at each other. It's like Carrie Underwood's song (Sorry, I am a big country music fan) "Small Things"

"Sometimes that mountain you'll be climbing is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands
And when you figure out love is all that matter after all
It sure makes everything else seem so small"

Think about what you fight about. Is it values and morals and things that mean a great deal to you? Or is it the small stuff like she talked to some other guy or she didn't call me back or she hasn't said "I love you" today? If it's the first, you made need to evaluate if your morals and her morals coincide enough for you to make it work. If it's the latter, take a step back and really ask yourself if it's worth fighting over.

Believe me, once you don't sweat the small stuff, life is so much sweeter!

I hope this helped. I am just speaking from experience and this may not pertain to your situation at all, but I hope it did!

 

[Windmill]

Hey guys

Im in my first relationship now of 4 months and the last month has had a good share of fights (compared to the first three where everything was blissful and peaceful for 95% of the time). I know there are suposed to be different stages within a relationship and that its normal to move from the "happy romantic" stage to the "problem" stage at about this time, as well as that its normal to fight... what worries me however is that even if we can sort out every problem as it arises, does that not make us just good problem solvers and not necesarily "right" for each other? when people say it's normal to fight, are they meaning its normal to have like one fight in a week, a month, 3 months?? im really confused now....

Thanks,
Chris

My and my bf can fight an awful lot. It is in our natures too. We are STUBBORN people.

We have many similarites, but there are just some things that no, we don't agree on and yes they totally screw us up, communication wise. We had one last night.

We have however learnt to overcome such fights. A lot of it is all in your perspective. We take little things and make them big. It is all in your words, and actions. You must control these things. You may be stressed hence be having a lot of fights too.

Its not that you two don't "fit" but rather, you just need to figure out what the root problem is in causing these fights and come up with strategies to avoid them

 

[Nobility]

Hubby and I argue daily now still a lot of the time, but as for real "fights" they would be about once a month... remember to accurately distinguish between a fight, argument and disagreement.

 

[Weasel7711]

I think conflict resolution is more important than the frequency of fights. You will disagree about SOMETHING most of the time. It's how you handle those disagreements. Does it end up in a screaming fight where people are throwing things, or do you walk away understanding eachother and coming to an agreement about it. Or do you just agree to disagree. Thats the important thing. If the way you fight is unreasonable and there is no agreement at the end, there may be an issue.

 

[Ceili]

Depending on what the fights are about,if you're fretting over little stuff I'd say it's not meant to be.

 

[SnarphBlat]

Me and my SO have discussions. Never have faught though...and we always grow so much closer when we have disagreements. Thoguh sometimes going through it or hurting each other can be hard.

 

[none the wiser]

We've only had a few real fights. Like clockwork, it's usually a month before I get to see him, which means at that time it's been 2-3 months since we've been together.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

It depends on the couple. It might just mean that you two are still learning how to effectively communicate with one another with regards to disagreements, and that you are going to hit speedbumps along the way. Don't assume that a few fights mean she isn't the one.

 

[Gardener101]

Hey guys

Im in my first relationship now of 4 months and the last month has had a good share of fights (compared to the first three where everything was blissful and peaceful for 95% of the time). I know there are suposed to be different stages within a relationship and that its normal to move from the "happy romantic" stage to the "problem" stage at about this time, as well as that its normal to fight... what worries me however is that even if we can sort out every problem as it arises, does that not make us just good problem solvers and not necesarily "right" for each other? when people say it's normal to fight, are they meaning its normal to have like one fight in a week, a month, 3 months?? im really confused now....

Thanks,
Chris

Wow....this is why it's good to start dating from a young age. My ex is almost a decade older than you, yet was asking very similar questions...cus he didn't get into relationships until recently.

It's normal to disagree on several things. However, its important to try to start compromising and letting things slide if they are not too big an issue. Basically, don't let this become a competition...don't sweat the small stuff. Overall, aim to have more FUN times together than arguing times.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Just because two people fight does not mean they are not right for each other and just because two people NEVER fight does not mean they are right for each other! There will be mountains and there will be valleys. I see fighting mostly as a healthy thing because that means everything is out in the open! I used to be one of those partners that just kept everything inside thinking it would blow over or he would change without me saying anything. Glad I got over that stage in my life! I am much happier now when I let things out and let my feelings be known.

I don't think there is a limit to how many fights until you think you aren't right for each other. For awhile there me and my boyfriend were getting in fights every weekend. But we made it through that phase (Thank you, Jesus) and now we enjoy our time together much more!

I also think there is a difference between fighting and arguing. If you can learn to express your feelings without getting angry and learn to listen to criticism and also give constructive criticism, then it become a discussion, not a fight, per say.

I only see my boyfriend on the weekends, if I am lucky and when we spent all out time getting in fights, it was really hard to want to make it work. But we both realized that we would rather spend our days enjoying each other's company rather than yelling at each other. It's like Carrie Underwood's song (Sorry, I am a big country music fan) "Small Things"

"Sometimes that mountain you'll be climbing is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands
And when you figure out love is all that matter after all
It sure makes everything else seem so small"

Think about what you fight about. Is it values and morals and things that mean a great deal to you? Or is it the small stuff like she talked to some other guy or she didn't call me back or she hasn't said "I love you" today? If it's the first, you made need to evaluate if your morals and her morals coincide enough for you to make it work. If it's the latter, take a step back and really ask yourself if it's worth fighting over.

Believe me, once you don't sweat the small stuff, life is so much sweeter!

I hope this helped. I am just speaking from experience and this may not pertain to your situation at all, but I hope it did!

Wow, good stuff here.

One ex-bf and I never had a fight. It didn't last long, but still I never felt like I let my hair down with him. My current bf and I have already had one or two disagreements. We handled it in a mostly calm, mature fashion. After the last bf who had a problem yelling at me that was good to see.

 

[Gardener101]

PS: Chris, you might find encouragement and some good tips from this book (if you are able to buy it):

Click here

 

[Ceili]

This was brought up by some women at work today stating that they always seem to fight around the holidays with their guy. I asked if it's about small stuff and most of them said it's usually about 2 things;money and family. Those 2 subjects? Whenever I fought with my boyfriends it was always about stuff like films we saw that we didn't agree on,music stations being turned off in the car,smoking,stuff like that and it always seemed to loom for days with anger. That kind of fighting is usually going to last and keep going.
The fighting I can handle is quick and over with and usually ends with I'm sorry.Always apologize.

 

[bliz]

What kinds of things are you fighting about?