Fights...

[angelbaby12487]

Me and my boyfriend keep fighting about the smallest things either we can't agree or we misundertsand each other! What can we do to stop this or avoid it?

 

[Tim114]

My girlfriend and I have little fights over small things all the time. We find that if it begins to turn into a larger problem then it should of we really need to pray about it and leave the control of the situation off our hands and into God's.

We also see for something this is easier said then done. But know one said that trying to have a relationship is an easy thing.

 

[Inperfected]

Me and my boyfriend keep fighting about the smallest things either we can't agree or we misundertsand each other! What can we do to stop this or avoid it?

Its quite hard isn't it? The way to 'change things' as i would rather put it is continuously talk aobut what is going wrong... Every arguement ends with a talk. Its also a matter of attitude. You have to have compromise, for i think thats one of the major components for marriage in the long run... You have to be willing to sacrifice your wishes to satisfy him, and as importantly, vise versa.

I'm not talking from a "know it all" perspective, but one of a near break up for the same thing. The things that really got me were time (he's late, i'm early), responsibility (he likes doing things for me or organising things, i'm rather likely to want to do it myself.)... it's become a matter of discussing an issue before it arises as well.

work out what triggers it, but also when it is triggered and then work out how to avoid or stop it.

 

[f U z ! o N]

Me and my boyfriend keep fighting about the smallest things either we can't agree or we misundertsand each other! What can we do to stop this or avoid it?

speaking from past experience, talk talk talk. always talk about what you are fighting over. also, use a nice tone of voice. don't be snappy because that just leads to a bigger fight. find out what the small things are and get rid of them because it seems to me its always the small things in a relationship that kill it. well that was my experience.

 

[angelbaby12487]

The thing is it seems like we are always discussing and talking about these things becasue theres always a problem... I want to be able to talk about other things too not just argue.

 

[SoC]

If the problem is that big of one, maybe you two should break up. If you can't communicate well in this stage of the relationship, how do you think you'll do in marriage?

 

[angelbaby12487]

We already broke up once, and that was part of the reason. Things are better now then before... I love him so much and I want this to work. I do understand it takes hard work and communication. Sometimes it just seems like no one has has problems like this, that we are the only ones.

 

[SoC]

Every couple fights. My girlfriend and I have fought a few times. It's perfectly normal and everyone goes through it.

All I'm saying is that if you are having trouble with communication and fighting all the time now, how will you deal with marriage?

 

[angelbaby12487]

we know how to communicate its just we are always "communicating" about misunderstandings between us.
I do understand what you are saying about communication in marraige and like i said we are doing better then before...

 

[Inperfected]

Honestly, its hard, but it does get easier if you are effectively communicating. Just make sure you tell him how the arguing affects you and that you want to stop it, so you need to change both of your attitudes.

BEWARE: He won't like hearing this if he's like most guys, I'm telling you my fiance sure didn't. But now we have come out of what you are inat the moment, and it's a wonderful relationship.

 

[angelbaby12487]

Honestly, its hard, but it does get easier if you are effectively communicating. Just make sure you tell him how the arguing affects you and that you want to stop it, so you need to change both of your attitudes.

BEWARE: He won't like hearing this if he's like most guys, I'm telling you my fiance sure didn't. But now we have come out of what you are inat the moment, and it's a wonderful relationship.

Thanks for the advice... we both do realize that this needs to stop and that our attitudes need to change thats what we have both been working on lately. The thing is sometimes he thinks that I want perfection and I know that that can never happen becasue nobody is perfect. When we aregue we just have to stop and get over the small things i guess.

 

[f U z ! o N]

i think every couple goes through this stage where they argue. its actually a good thing in a way because you really learn alot about them. its the make it or break it stage i guess. if you really love him, work out the differences and see if they happen again. if not, congrats. if they do keep happening, then you know what to do. don't just break up over small things unless they are just plain hurting the relationship. thats what my ex did. but i know i probably shouldn't be posting in here as i am single, but i know where you are coming from on the arguments.

 

[...butterfly...]

in my experiance fights have helped us air out things and eventually calmd down to have a conversation about it

 

[angelbaby12487]

Thanks for all the advice everyone!

 

[Angeldove97]

Because Sean and I have put alot of time and effort in building our relationship we're blessed enough to never have one fight since we've known each other. We had a slight bump in the road recently... but that's because of my fears with relationships and I'm worried about him moving out here for good (to be closer to me and finish up college).

But I think if you two talk about things... especially about your interests and your faith, then that will help out alot. Plus instead of fighting, take some time to cool down, come back together and pray about it. I'm sure that'll help alot.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

I cannot tolerate fighting over stupid things. If you are intimately involved with such a person then in my opinion you are involved with a drama king/queen who values being right over having a nice quiet day enjoying each other's company. The one think that I require in a SO is the ability to let things roll off your back easily. Save your energy for the things that deserve such attention. Anything else is just creating needless stress. Lifes to short to be misserable. I'd rather eat drink and be merry, have sex, etc.... than scurry to my foxhole over a heated dilmena about which way the toilet paper should face on the wall roller.

 

[JesusWasn'tWhite]

Have you tried communicating about things before they become misunderstandings? Do you see patterns in the things you are misunderstanding or having issues about?
Are the talks you are having about the misunderstandings proactive in nature or just a "clear the air" type of thing?

I find that lately, my fiance and I have been very stressed and busy, we are more nitpicky and have more misunderstandings. He will get annoyed or worked up about something small that would normally roll right off, but this one time, it didn't. Stuff like that. We usually talk about it right away and get on with our day. No sense wasting half an hour talking about how I cut him off when I was walking in the store. Let's talk about it for 10 minutes and get it over with, ya know? Talk about it enough, but don't drag it on! Let's get on with our trip to the store.
It's important to recognize when things trigger other things, like reactions, and try to cut the problem at the source. If him interrupting you makes you upset and then you start talking cranky to him and he gets mad at you, then you need to remind him when he interrupts you that you weren't finished and ask if he could wait, instead of letting the upset, cranky, mad feelings go on and on.

Laptop is running low battery...
Are there specific problems you fight about that you could give as examples, if you're comfortable?

 

[littlemrs]

Think before you speak. Communicate. *Really* listen to what the other has to say -- don't let it just go in one ear and out the other, but let it sink in. Don't get defensive immediately, but instead make sure you know exactly what the other person meant, even if you have to ask for clarification.

A lot of hurtful things can be said in the heat of the moment and can lead to more disagreements and fights.

 

[angelbaby12487]

Have you tried communicating about things before they become misunderstandings? Do you see patterns in the things you are misunderstanding or having issues about?
Are the talks you are having about the misunderstandings proactive in nature or just a "clear the air" type of thing?

I find that lately, my fiance and I have been very stressed and busy, we are more nitpicky and have more misunderstandings. He will get annoyed or worked up about something small that would normally roll right off, but this one time, it didn't. Stuff like that. We usually talk about it right away and get on with our day. No sense wasting half an hour talking about how I cut him off when I was walking in the store. Let's talk about it for 10 minutes and get it over with, ya know? Talk about it enough, but don't drag it on! Let's get on with our trip to the store.
It's important to recognize when things trigger other things, like reactions, and try to cut the problem at the source. If him interrupting you makes you upset and then you start talking cranky to him and he gets mad at you, then you need to remind him when he interrupts you that you weren't finished and ask if he could wait, instead of letting the upset, cranky, mad feelings go on and on.

Laptop is running low battery...
Are there specific problems you fight about that you could give as examples, if you're comfortable?

That is really good advice, thanks! I think it is that we are both stressed a lot. The only time I get to see him is at college when there is a lot going on, because he lives in MI and me in NH soo i think when we do see each other we are just stressed about school. He did come over this summer for about a week and we didnt fight at all it went really well. So maybe if we could try and be understandning of each toher's stresses, at school we would do better.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Speaking from experience, if you keep on having fights about the littlest stuff you're not going to last very long...