Fighting

[FaithWeaver]

My Husband and I rarely fight. The latest one was over where to go for Christmas. I want to see my family, and he wants to see his. We don't want to split up for the holidays. We try to take turns, but neither of us gets to see our families as much as we would like. Does anyone else have arguments like this or the same problem?

I guess we are blessed to have such close families, and it is a shame that we even fight over it.

 

[searle29678]

A lady I work with decided to split the days equally. I don't know how close you live to both families, but they would spend Christmas Eve with one side and Christmas Day with the other. Thanksgiving would be split down the middle. For example, dinner with one side and dessert with the other and vice versa for the next year.

 

[FaithWeaver]

We live close to both families. The problem is, my family has Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners scheduled. Every year they are held and the same place and the same time. My husband's family changes their dinners at different times and different places every year. Sometimes his dinners are planned for the same time as mine. It makes the decision on where to go very hard. We have tried splitting it down the middle, dinner at one and dessert at the other, but we end up spending more time driving than spending time with each family.

 

[hygienemom]

In the past we have had Christmas celebration the weekend prior with all the family on one side...its the togetherness we want and who cares when?

 

[GirlieGirl]

We've made a plan in advance for which family we'll be with on holidays. It's better than waiting to the last minute and getting your hopes dashed if you hoped to see your family.

We're so mobile now that lots of families have to make decisions like this.

Agreed on holding to certain days. It's okay if you celebrate with a family a few days later or before. If it keeps the peace, it's a good deal.

 

[Zoomer]

My husband family is not close so we always go to my family.

 

[Jenna]

My husband and I used to have serious discussions over things like this in years past, but not anymore. Now we just have our own family gathering at our house. My family has been split tremendously because of divorce. His family has splintered or become unhospitable because of the death of his grandma, who was the glue of the family. It works out best for us to stay tight within our small family, and allow others an open invitation to spend the holiday at our house.

 

[HeatherJay]

We spend Christmas Eve lunch and dinner with my family and then Christmas night (Santa) we spend at our own house...and then we drive up Christmas Day to spend Christmas with his family (but they live 5 hours away). It's a plan that works out well for us.

Also, my family has made some concessions for us in order to accomodate our Holiday schedule...they moved Christmas dinner to Christmas Eve dinner so that we would be able to share with them.

Have you talked to either family about possibly adjusting the schedule so that you'd be able to see both families?

 

[Andry]

IMO, I think submission is key - on both husband and wife. And not asserting control or the submission ticket by the husband.

Surprisingly, I find the more I submit to my wife, the more I get the freedom and choice to do stuff I enjoy. And vice versa. Wierd huh?*

On practical terms, taking turns might be the best solution, but the spirit of submission should dictate, and not the letter of the law, ie. keeping count who went where last.

*And please don't sidetrack the OP about 'headship' issues. We have a fulfilling marriage, and headship has never been an issue with us.

 

[Svt4Him]

IMO, I think submission is key - on both husband and wife. And not asserting control or the submission ticket by the husband.

Surprisingly, I find the more I submit to my wife, the more I get the freedom and choice to do stuff I enjoy. And vice versa. Wierd huh?*

On practical terms, taking turns might be the best solution, but the spirit of submission should dictate, and not the letter of the law, ie. keeping count who went where last.

*And please don't sidetrack the OP about 'headship' issues. We have a fulfilling marriage, and headship has never been an issue with us.

So if everyone would just submit to each other, you'd still be in the same situation.

 

[Yitzchak]

I heard a program on focus on the family about a couple who had written a book about marriage. They mentioned holiday traditions as one of the common issues that couples struggle to work out. So I think what you describe is a common problem which couples face. Maybe try the Christian bookstore and see if they have any books which give suggestions on such a common topic.

Myself, I would ask the family to be fair about them coming to visit as well as us visiting them. That would take some of the burden off of you perhaps. Other than that, I guess as familes grow in size it gets harder to keep up with everyone.

 

[Andry]

So if everyone would just submit to each other, you'd still be in the same situation.

You'd think.

Logically speaking, yeah. But grace abounds when we submit, and I don't recall ever arguing about who's turn to go to whose family, or which vacation spot this year, yada yada yada. And looking back, whichever one we did or went, were really blessed times.

 

[Gwenyfur]

My family is a bit....different

It's the poster family for "dysfunctional" LOL Up until last year there hadn't been a "family" gathering where some kind of fight hadn't broken out over something that happened umpteen years ago...

DH and I were so sick of it, we dreaded each holiday, and the dinners were usually so strained that no matter how well prepared the food was, it was ashes in our mouths.

So....this year we did something different...

We cooked a *huge* meal at our home, invited everyone (except my family and his lives out west so....) at our church who had no other plans iwth their families to join us for dinner.

Ya know, it was the best holiday. Everyone was there to fellowship, play games, debate theology (my brother in law is anglican hehe) and it was a great time. The best holidays I can remember having in my entire life.

Maybe if getting with family is such a bone of contention, perhaps try starting your own traditions?

Mind you I'm not saying your families are crazy like mine....just an alternative thought....

or having both your families to your place for desserts?

Just 2 cents