Fighting with Jesus

[soulsearching1]

I usually post my questions and thoughts in the "Questions by Non-Christians thread", but this isn't a question per se, more like a rant about a struggle I am having right now. For background, if you want to know my deal, go look for my thread in the aforementioned category called "The Last Step?" (it's a few pages back now). Long story short, I'm not a Christian yet. I believe in God, but am having a hard time accepting Jesus 100%. Anyway, here is my rant: (be warned, it might get long)

I am one of those people who tends to worry a lot and dwell on or get upset about things that aren't really important. I've always been like this, and usually, it's not an issue. I have had a pretty decent life, nothing majorly traumatic or anything like that. And I've been blessed with family, friends, a good education, etc.

I currently have a wonderful boyfriend, who I love and care about very much. It is completely mutual. But a few weeks ago, he made us go on a temporary "break", because he needed to sort through some stuff. His own stuff, but also the fact that I tend to get upset like I mentioned before and he doesn't know what to do about it, and it makes him sad. The break lasted about 5 days, when he called me and wanted to see me b/c he missed me. In the past three weeks, we've only spent a little time together because he was really sick, then he was out of town and then I was in the process of moving! So this past weekend, we saw each other a few times. Both days, I ended up getting upset about at least one thing. Every time, he just hugged me, and said it was all right.

But I feel terrible. Not only because I'm doing this to my boyfriend, but because I've done this to every guy I've ever dated, and my best friend even ditched me because of it- she had her own issues and honestly, I'm better off, but it was still a problem, that was my fault. So in the car today, I was thinking about how wonderful my boyfriend is, and how I feel like he's on the path to accepting my faults and loving me anyway, and it just made me cry because I don't want to keep hurting him like that. Long story short, but I feel like God put us together and I feel terrible for destroying a gift like that. And then I thought about how it ruins everything with people and how it makes my parents disappointed, and I'm disappointed in myself because I know that's not the way God wants me to live and sometimes I think it might be better if I just wasn't here. Not that I want to kill myself, I don't, but it's more like I just wish I wasn't "me", you know? Or at least the "me" that is right now. Not that I'm all bad, but I hate this. And so I just kept wishing to accept Jesus because he can take it all away from me, but then something stops me. And I don't know what to do.

I KNOW God is calling for me- one example as of late that keeps popping up. A good friend of mine, who I had a great talk with about all this stuff, seems to call me or I run into her out on errands, etc, whenever I have been thinking that I need to get in touch with her! It's just frustrating because I feel like I'm so close and I just want to accept Jesus, but I physically can't. I almost did in the car today, but I was in the middle of really slow-moving traffic and needed to concentrate on not getting into an accident! Plus, it's like I don't know what to say- my words are all a mess in my head.

Anyway, if you got through that, thanks a ton! Any thoughts would be appreciated. And feel free to ask questions if need be.

 

[Adstar]

I usually post my questions and thoughts in the "Questions by Non-Christians thread", but this isn't a question per se, more like a rant about a struggle I am having right now. For background, if you want to know my deal, go look for my thread in the aforementioned category called "The Last Step?" (it's a few pages back now). Long story short, I'm not a Christian yet. I believe in God, but am having a hard time accepting Jesus 100%. Anyway, here is my rant: (be warned, it might get long)

I am one of those people who tends to worry a lot and dwell on or get upset about things that aren't really important. I've always been like this, and usually, it's not an issue. I have had a pretty decent life, nothing majorly traumatic or anything like that. And I've been blessed with family, friends, a good education, etc.

I currently have a wonderful boyfriend, who I love and care about very much. It is completely mutual. But a few weeks ago, he made us go on a temporary "break", because he needed to sort through some stuff. His own stuff, but also the fact that I tend to get upset like I mentioned before and he doesn't know what to do about it, and it makes him sad. The break lasted about 5 days, when he called me and wanted to see me b/c he missed me. In the past three weeks, we've only spent a little time together because he was really sick, then he was out of town and then I was in the process of moving! So this past weekend, we saw each other a few times. Both days, I ended up getting upset about at least one thing. Every time, he just hugged me, and said it was all right.

But I feel terrible. Not only because I'm doing this to my boyfriend, but because I've done this to every guy I've ever dated, and my best friend even ditched me because of it- she had her own issues and honestly, I'm better off, but it was still a problem, that was my fault. So in the car today, I was thinking about how wonderful my boyfriend is, and how I feel like he's on the path to accepting my faults and loving me anyway, and it just made me cry because I don't want to keep hurting him like that. Long story short, but I feel like God put us together and I feel terrible for destroying a gift like that. And then I thought about how it ruins everything with people and how it makes my parents disappointed, and I'm disappointed in myself because I know that's not the way God wants me to live and sometimes I think it might be better if I just wasn't here. Not that I want to kill myself, I don't, but it's more like I just wish I wasn't "me", you know? Or at least the "me" that is right now. Not that I'm all bad, but I hate this. And so I just kept wishing to accept Jesus because he can take it all away from me, but then something stops me. And I don't know what to do.

I KNOW God is calling for me- one example as of late that keeps popping up. A good friend of mine, who I had a great talk with about all this stuff, seems to call me or I run into her out on errands, etc, whenever I have been thinking that I need to get in touch with her! It's just frustrating because I feel like I'm so close and I just want to accept Jesus, but I physically can't. I almost did in the car today, but I was in the middle of really slow-moving traffic and needed to concentrate on not getting into an accident! Plus, it's like I don't know what to say- my words are all a mess in my head.

Anyway, if you got through that, thanks a ton! Any thoughts would be appreciated. And feel free to ask questions if need be.

Just say "God i believe Jesus, show me His way” You don't have to think up some dramatic pronouncement all you have to do is express yourself honestly to God. God already knows what you are thinking no matter how the words stumble out of our mouths. God understands we are only human.


All Praise The Ancient Of Days

 

[Sketcher]

I'm failing to connect the dots as to why this situation with your boyfriend and your own personal guilt over your flaws should keep you from faith in Jesus. It sounds like you're feeling guilty about the way you're treating people, but Jesus is all about forgiving and reforming people. He wants you to love Him so much that He lowered himself to walking on this earth and dying a horrible death to make this possible.

I'm sorry that I can't understand this situation, but Jesus loves you and will take you whether your sins are as small as this one or as big as murder. No sin is too small or too big for what He did on the cross.

Come to Jesus. Let Him take charge of your life and ask Him to forgive your sins. Ask Him to help you over the hump if you need to. you won't be the first to do that.

"Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!' When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil spirit." - Mark 9:24-25a

" 'Come,' He said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him." - Matthew 14:29-31a

Jesus responds to us when we seek Him, even if our faith isn't perfect. All we need to do is call out to Him, and He will assist us in making that final jump. That's why I'm talking to you today.

 

[soulsearching1]

Sorry if my post was confusing! Basically, the deal with my boyfriend (and others) is exactly what makes me feel guilty. So we have point A- I am flawed, I've done bad things, I feel bad horrible about them. Then there's point B- Jesus can take away all of those flaws and make me new, which is what I want. And I totally realized that in the car yesterday, as I was really thinking about just how bad I feel about certain aspects of my life. However, I'm sort of "stuck" between point A and point B. I really want to be at point B, but something is keeping me tied to point A. Does that make sense? Sorry if I was rambling- I had a lot going through my head and I should have sorted it out more before I sat down and typed it all in such an emotional state

 

[Prufrock]

just curious, but were you raised a christian?

 

[Adstar]

Sorry if my post was confusing! Basically, the deal with my boyfriend (and others) is exactly what makes me feel guilty. So we have point A- I am flawed, I've done bad things, I feel bad horrible about them. Then there's point B- Jesus can take away all of those flaws and make me new, which is what I want. And I totally realized that in the car yesterday, as I was really thinking about just how bad I feel about certain aspects of my life. However, I'm sort of "stuck" between point A and point B. I really want to be at point B, but something is keeping me tied to point A. Does that make sense? Sorry if I was rambling- I had a lot going through my head and I should have sorted it out more before I sat down and typed it all in such an emotional state

Your desire to be made into a better person is good. The Holy Spirit does work with us to reduce our imperfections and increase our ability to Love. But there is one thing you must understand, In our human life times we will never achieve perfection or be made perfect. We will be made perfect upon the return of the Messiah Jesus. So while the Holy Spirit does give us peace and helps us to reduce the bad effects we have upon ourselves and others we will continue from time to time to "fall down" or make mistakes or have little episodes of pride, anger and all the other negative things we loath. While we are changed for the better we are still imperfect. We rely upon the sacrifice of Jesus to cover us for the times we fail in the future as well as the past. We must come to understand that we are just humans and as such we are going to do foolish things every now and then. It really helps if you can forgive yourself as God has forgiven you through Jesus. It is right to be disappointed in ourselves for the times when we do bad things and it is right to be remorseful for our failings, but to dwell on them for days on end is not profitable for us or anyone. If we spend all our time dwelling on our sins and the bad things we have done then all we will be thinking of is sin. Jesus has dealt with our sin, we should be more concerned for the good things we have failed to do, rather than spending all our time thinking about the bad things we have done.

Philippians 4
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.


So we should spend our time thinking of the good we can do for those around us. We should be on the look out for any opportunity that arises to care for others. We should spend our time thinking about good things, about the Words of Jesus and thereby be inspired to do good for others.



All Praise The Ancient Of Days

 

[soulsearching1]

just curious, but were you raised a christian?

Nope. I was baptized Catholic, but never went to church or anything and religion was never really discussed in my family. Just that it's common sense to be nice and tolerant of everyone.

 

[Sketcher]

Sorry if my post was confusing! Basically, the deal with my boyfriend (and others) is exactly what makes me feel guilty. So we have point A- I am flawed, I've done bad things, I feel bad horrible about them. Then there's point B- Jesus can take away all of those flaws and make me new, which is what I want. And I totally realized that in the car yesterday, as I was really thinking about just how bad I feel about certain aspects of my life. However, I'm sort of "stuck" between point A and point B. I really want to be at point B, but something is keeping me tied to point A. Does that make sense? Sorry if I was rambling- I had a lot going through my head and I should have sorted it out more before I sat down and typed it all in such an emotional state

That makes sense now. May I ask what it is that is tying you to A? It doesn't have to.

Have you tried praying to God?

 

[soulsearching1]

That makes sense now. May I ask what it is that is tying you to A? It doesn't have to.

Have you tried praying to God?

That's the thing- I don't know. I have no "reason" to want to hold onto the thing that is the problem. It's not like alcohol, where you are addicted physically, or materialism, because having "stuff" can make you feel good. Moments of doubt, I suppose, but I'm not sure how to get around that. As someone asked me, I was not raised Christian, so sometimes I feel like hypocrite in attempting to make a 180 in my beliefs. I don't know, like I said, it's like sometimes I feel like I'm ready and other times I feel like I'm the farthest from it. It's just frustrating because I can't just "make" myself believe. It has to be genuine.

I do pray- every night (mostly, if I don't fall asleep first) about just random stuff- I say thanks for good things that day, and pray for my boyfriend and other people I know who need it. Sometimes I ask God to allow me not to keep being so stupid, but other times I feel really disingenuous asking for it. Sigh...

 

[WashedClean]

Hi again soulsearching1,

You sound exactly like my husband. He's in the same boat, so to speak. There are two things that come to mind:

1. The main thing that keeps all of us from Jesus initially is pride. Please don't take that the wrong way, it's an inherent flaw in all of mankind. Some have it worse than others, but basically we all want to be our own god and not be told what to do or that we're sinful. To me, it's the worst sin of all because that's where all other sins come from. Humility does not come easily, so I would ask the Lord to humble you and help you see yourself in need of a Savior. The fact that you worry a lot (I'm the same way, but getting better Praise the Lord!) means that you think you can fix everything. The wonderful thing about Jesus is that if we truly rest in him, we can relax. We know he's in control, not us.

2. The other thing to remember, and don't think I'm nuts, is that there is a spiritual war going on for your soul. Satan and his demons do not want anyone to become a Christian. As long as they can distract you from Jesus, they've won. You don't even have to acknowledge their existence. They just want to prevent you from giving your heart to the Lord.

You are headed in the right direction, just don't take your eyes off of Jesus. Your faith doesn't have to be perfect, just your heart toward him. Keep seeking and knocking. The Word says you will find him when you search for him with your whole heart. You are already doing that, just keep going. Don't give up!

Love in Christ,

Jill

P.S. Have you researched the Messianic prophecies in the Old Testament that only Jesus fulfilled? Since your obstacle seems to be putting your entire faith in him, maybe this would help. Just a suggestion.

 

[soulsearching1]

Hi again soulsearching1,

You sound exactly like my husband. He's in the same boat, so to speak. There are two things that come to mind:

1. The main thing that keeps all of us from Jesus initially is pride. Please don't take that the wrong way, it's an inherent flaw in all of mankind. Some have it worse than others, but basically we all want to be our own god and not be told what to do or that we're sinful. To me, it's the worst sin of all because that's where all other sins come from. Humility does not come easily, so I would ask the Lord to humble you and help you see yourself in need of a Savior. The fact that you worry a lot (I'm the same way, but getting better Praise the Lord!) means that you think you can fix everything. The wonderful thing about Jesus is that if we truly rest in him, we can relax. We know he's in control, not us.

2. The other thing to remember, and don't think I'm nuts, is that there is a spiritual war going on for your soul. Satan and his demons do not want anyone to become a Christian. As long as they can distract you from Jesus, they've won. You don't even have to acknowledge their existence. They just want to prevent you from giving your heart to the Lord.

You are headed in the right direction, just don't take your eyes off of Jesus. Your faith doesn't have to be perfect, just your heart toward him. Keep seeking and knocking. The Word says you will find him when you search for him with your whole heart. You are already doing that, just keep going. Don't give up!

Love in Christ,

Jill

P.S. Have you researched the Messianic prophecies in the Old Testament that only Jesus fulfilled? Since your obstacle seems to be putting your entire faith in him, maybe this would help. Just a suggestion.

I was wondering when you'd find my thread On the PS- I have not even gotten to read the OT yet. Almost done with the NT. However, posts that I've read here that sort of delve into stuff in the OT make it seem really interesting and I know that all the "proof" of Jesus, so to speak, is in the OT. And since I'm a huge nerd, I feel like it would be really interesting to actually do research (like library research) into- the question right now is time! I just moved and so I'm balancing that (getting settled plus a much longer commute) with full-time work. And I need to find the library near my new house! (I'm too far away from where I went to grad school now, to use that library...sigh)

On your other points- don't worry, I'm totally not offended at all. I think that it's very difficult for us as humans NOT to be prideful, to admit when we need help. I tend to be a very independent person and with day-to-day things (school projects, etc etc), it always works itself out best if I just do it myself. I know that this is something I CAN'T do by myself, but something deep down is making me doubt it. Which goes with your second point- I've definitely thought about the fact that those moments are when Satan is trying to get me to doubt- I recognize that. But it's just hard. I don't know how to explain it any better. I know I need to go reread the Gospels, and definitely get to the stuff in the OT that is important. It's just frustrating because right now I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and I wish it would just all come together. I know I can't force it and I feel like it's going to happen, but it's frustrating just the same, especially when I have moments when everything makes sense and I feel ready.

 

[MariaRegina]

Dear Soul-Searching,

I am about to post another miracle that happened (and I was thinking of you during this miracle).

I was thinking ... if God could work this miracle, then I could tell her.

Guess what, the miracle happened, and I think you largely fit into the equation. I think it was an answer to my prayers and yours.

So I just wanted to thank you for your kind thoughts, because I think your prayers are powerful too, but you don't realize how powerful God is within you.

He is inside you, just waiting for you to say,

"Jesus, I need you, come and dwell within me, and I know you already are, so come and stay inside me and make me whole. Cleanse me of all my sins. I am yours, O Lord, save me and protect me in Your Love."​

I will post the miracle in the Burning Bush thread. Go and see.

Lovingly in Christ,
Aria

 

[epy]

I usually post my questions and thoughts in the "Questions by Non-Christians thread", but this isn't a question per se, more like a rant about a struggle I am having right now. For background, if you want to know my deal, go look for my thread in the aforementioned category called "The Last Step?" (it's a few pages back now). Long story short, I'm not a Christian yet. I believe in God, but am having a hard time accepting Jesus 100%. Anyway, here is my rant: (be warned, it might get long)

I am one of those people who tends to worry a lot and dwell on or get upset about things that aren't really important. I've always been like this, and usually, it's not an issue. I have had a pretty decent life, nothing majorly traumatic or anything like that. And I've been blessed with family, friends, a good education, etc.

I currently have a wonderful boyfriend, who I love and care about very much. It is completely mutual. But a few weeks ago, he made us go on a temporary "break", because he needed to sort through some stuff. His own stuff, but also the fact that I tend to get upset like I mentioned before and he doesn't know what to do about it, and it makes him sad. The break lasted about 5 days, when he called me and wanted to see me b/c he missed me. In the past three weeks, we've only spent a little time together because he was really sick, then he was out of town and then I was in the process of moving! So this past weekend, we saw each other a few times. Both days, I ended up getting upset about at least one thing. Every time, he just hugged me, and said it was all right.

But I feel terrible. Not only because I'm doing this to my boyfriend, but because I've done this to every guy I've ever dated, and my best friend even ditched me because of it- she had her own issues and honestly, I'm better off, but it was still a problem, that was my fault. So in the car today, I was thinking about how wonderful my boyfriend is, and how I feel like he's on the path to accepting my faults and loving me anyway, and it just made me cry because I don't want to keep hurting him like that. Long story short, but I feel like God put us together and I feel terrible for destroying a gift like that. And then I thought about how it ruins everything with people and how it makes my parents disappointed, and I'm disappointed in myself because I know that's not the way God wants me to live and sometimes I think it might be better if I just wasn't here. Not that I want to kill myself, I don't, but it's more like I just wish I wasn't "me", you know? Or at least the "me" that is right now. Not that I'm all bad, but I hate this. And so I just kept wishing to accept Jesus because he can take it all away from me, but then something stops me. And I don't know what to do.

I KNOW God is calling for me- one example as of late that keeps popping up. A good friend of mine, who I had a great talk with about all this stuff, seems to call me or I run into her out on errands, etc, whenever I have been thinking that I need to get in touch with her! It's just frustrating because I feel like I'm so close and I just want to accept Jesus, but I physically can't. I almost did in the car today, but I was in the middle of really slow-moving traffic and needed to concentrate on not getting into an accident! Plus, it's like I don't know what to say- my words are all a mess in my head.

Anyway, if you got through that, thanks a ton! Any thoughts would be appreciated. And feel free to ask questions if need be.

soulsearching1,

You asked is anyone has experienced something similar to what you described, I don't know if my story fits, but I will type it out in case it does.

Sometimes I get really upset over simple things like not leaving a clear or highly competent message on someone's answering machine. I then want to escape from existence. As much as I want not be overly worried about things like that, I have come to see even my worry as ultimately for a greater purpose. The other day when I was experiencing one such frustration I realized that as bad as it might seem there is good in it too. I am reminded over and over again that mental anguish brings me back to God and reminds me that more times than not everything is fine. Also, that when things aren't fine, God is still with me. As for your last step, all I can say is pour your heart out to God....He loves you and is waiting for a time when you tell Him you love Him too.

 

[YoungJoonKim]

Sorry if my post was confusing! Basically, the deal with my boyfriend (and others) is exactly what makes me feel guilty. So we have point A- I am flawed, I've done bad things, I feel bad horrible about them. Then there's point B- Jesus can take away all of those flaws and make me new, which is what I want. And I totally realized that in the car yesterday, as I was really thinking about just how bad I feel about certain aspects of my life. However, I'm sort of "stuck" between point A and point B. I really want to be at point B, but something is keeping me tied to point A. Does that make sense? Sorry if I was rambling- I had a lot going through my head and I should have sorted it out more before I sat down and typed it all in such an emotional state

Hello soulsearching, I'm also on same road as you are expect that I've accepted Christ and everything became new and enlightened without any reason (miracle..)

If you find my reply offending, I will try my best to make it up for you, but by the guidance of Holy Spirit, may I judge none of your belief.

Then there's point B- Jesus can take away all of those flaws and make me new, which is what I want.

Before I can say something, I must agree with other people
Pride, honor, past life, guilt, etc.
Ignore and just fall before Christ, then you may see the truth. Drop it all~

Back to the point B, yes, Jesus can take away all your concern, guilt, upsetting, confusion, and frustration.
I went through it and found everything to be experience and up-coming times of hard faith.

Sister, rely not on what you want but what Christ wants for your life.
I'm not trying to judge..please don't get upset over this.
But chances and taking away how you interact or your past life, doesn't happen JUST like flicker of candle but like a filling a cup with drops of water.

So let it be clear, we do, christians, are nothing without Christ and his guidance (Holy Spirit).
we are truly nothing.
we won't even be able to say, "Jesus is the Lord".
But bless to he, the Holy One, Christ, we can be as we are for him.

I was wondering when you'd find my thread On the PS- I have not even gotten to read the OT yet. Almost done with the NT. However, posts that I've read here that sort of delve into stuff in the OT make it seem really interesting and I know that all the "proof" of Jesus, so to speak, is in the OT. And since I'm a huge nerd, I feel like it would be really interesting to actually do research (like library research) into- the question right now is time! I just moved and so I'm balancing that (getting settled plus a much longer commute) with full-time work. And I need to find the library near my new house! (I'm too far away from where I went to grad school now, to use that library...sigh)

On your other points- don't worry, I'm totally not offended at all. I think that it's very difficult for us as humans NOT to be prideful, to admit when we need help. I tend to be a very independent person and with day-to-day things (school projects, etc etc), it always works itself out best if I just do it myself. I know that this is something I CAN'T do by myself, but something deep down is making me doubt it. Which goes with your second point- I've definitely thought about the fact that those moments are when Satan is trying to get me to doubt- I recognize that. But it's just hard. I don't know how to explain it any better. I know I need to go reread the Gospels, and definitely get to the stuff in the OT that is important. It's just frustrating because right now I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and I wish it would just all come together. I know I can't force it and I feel like it's going to happen, but it's frustrating just the same, especially when I have moments when everything makes sense and I feel ready.

I tend to be a very independent person and with day-to-day things (school projects, etc etc), it always works itself out best if I just do it myself. I know that this is something I CAN'T do by myself, but something deep down is making me doubt it. Which goes with your second point- I've definitely thought about the fact that those moments are when Satan is trying to get me to doubt- I recognize that. But it's just hard. I don't know how to explain it any better. I know I need to go reread the Gospels, and definitely get to the stuff in the OT that is important. It's just frustrating because right now I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and I wish it would just all come together. I know I can't force it and I feel like it's going to happen, but it's frustrating just the same, especially when I have moments when everything makes sense and I feel ready.

Yes, things can be so perfect to our eyes if we can just do things everything by ourselves.
I agreed.
But would we be able to build a CN tower or World Trade Center ourselves?
Our demands won't be able to build those tall buildings!

now to your doubt?

Question developes, what do you doubt?

I used to doubt and I felt EXACTLY the same as you felt! JUST recently! (2 days ago!)
But as I screamed and screamed, in Name of Christ, I saw immediate effect, my doubt and confussion disappeared...
Maybe it was encouragment to heart or any sort but so what?
The doubt was gone and I was free.
But in about 2 min, the doubtness came back but not strong as before.


And please, read New Testments, Roman and Act.
I also realized from bible that FAITH is everything.

FAITH brings everything together.
Realize that FAITH is source of our strength.
FAITH is main core.
FAITH brings about love and salvation.
FAITH FAITH FAITH.
(Repeat and repeat!)
Faith is cure to doubtness
Faith is cure to our habits
But faith, strengthened by our Lord, Jesus Christ, we can overcome!
Remember again and again that Jesus Christ, have died on the cross to save us, sinners.

Everyone, I mean everything is equal to each other.
Everyone is sinner.
Nobody is perfect as other sisters and brothers said.
Don't be guilty about yourself, it wasn't JUST your doing. Sometimes it could be demons and Satan provoking you in dream or heart.
If you feel very confussed and frustrated, fasting and praying works very well!

I will pray for you sister!

God bless

 

[AvgJoe]

As someone asked me, I was not raised Christian, so sometimes I feel like hypocrite in attempting to make a 180 in my beliefs.

Don't feel bad about making a 180 degree turn because that is exactly what Jesus tells us to do in Mark 1:15. He says, "...repent and believe the gospel." To repent means to 1) feel remorse, contrition, or self-reproach for what one has done or failed to do and 2) have a change of heart and do a 180; turn away from your sin and turn back toward God. This is where humbleness comes in because you will not repent unless you have a humble heart. A person that cannot get past their pride will never repent. James 4:6 says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

Then believe the gospel; the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Romans 10:9-10,13(NLT)
9) For if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10) For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.

13) For "Anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

Plus, it's like I don't know what to say- my words are all a mess in my head.

There's no perfect way, just talk to Him like you talk to your father. To help you out, click the following link (http://www.christianforums.com/thegospel), click the "Please Enter" link and at the end of the movie it has an appropriate prayer there, to pray for salvation.

It's just frustrating because I can't just "make" myself believe.

Along with more Bible reading and study, I would suggest the book A Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. It is full of evidence for Christ and the 4 Gospels. Usually, you can get a copy on ebay for under 10 bucks.

God bless!

 

[soulsearching1]

After I finish reading CS Lewis's "Mere Christianity", Lee Strobel's book is next on my list. I will probably get to it this weekend.

 

[sbbqb7n16]

Seriously -- read "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus." Esp the section on "Men are like rubber bands"

Men and women have classic cycles we go through but each of our cycles is different.

It looks like he's just feeling powerless because he was spending too much time with you, and losing his sense of identity. He needed a break to regain his independence (a VERY important concept for men). When he found it, he felt complete and wanted someone (you) to share it with. So he pulled away and came back (like a rubber band).

You've had that problem with "every guy I've ever dated" because it's a natural cycle in men.

But here's something to think about: if you do decide to accept Christ (which I highly recommend) do it to save your soul, not your relationship.

 

[soulsearching1]

But here's something to think about: if you do decide to accept Christ (which I highly recommend) do it to save your soul, not your relationship.

Don't worry- all of my consideration on the subject, I've done separate from the boyfriend or really considering my boyfriend into the equation. The only thing I've considered is that when I do finally make the decision, that he won't accuse me of doing it "for him", which I'm not. I've gone to church without him, to HIS Community Group without him, and we haven't spent a ton of time together recently, yet I'm still pursuing this. No worries there. But I would just like to think that at the point that I DO make the decision, it could be something that he and I could share, even though we'd be at different points in our spiritual journey- at this point, he's not a whole lot better off than I am- at this point, I'm hopeful; he seems less so.

 

[AvgJoe]

After I finish reading CS Lewis's "Mere Christianity",

That is an excellent book too.

 

[soulsearching1]

That is an excellent book too.

I'm really enjoying it so far- got through a good chunk yesterday. His writing style really appeals to me.