Hello, this is my first time post on this forum! Glad to be here.
I want to share my story looking for support and prayer.
I grew up a pastors child. My mother walked out on my father when I was 2 years old. Often during my childhood I was forced to move back and forth between parents and states. My mother is a hypochondriac and my father had struggled with depression. I grew to know this as normal growing up and over my life I developed a bit of both. It was never bad enough to keep me from enjoying my life. Even though I was a very anxious and fearful person I still lived.
When I was a teenager, I hit the all too cliche rebellious stage. My instincts as a child was to just quit if something was too hard. I quit school after irrational fears that everyone was out to get me, I ran from my faith thinking it was how to be happy. I hardened my heart. I had tasted sin and it was delicious, I couldn't get enough. I toured with my band, started smoking pot and having pre-marital sex with my girlfriend. Of course this was no way to live. I ended up getting my girlfriend pregnant. That was when it all hit the fan with my anxiety.
We ended up getting married quickly and moving away. I started to get anxiety attacks. Usually mild, just not being able to get my breath. Looking back it wasn't horrible but as mentioned my instinct was to quit and take the easy way. I went to my Doctor who prescribed me Xanax. It was a miracle pill. I replaced my God with a pill. I spent the next 19 months relying on this pill. Taking anywhere from .25 to 1.5mg daily. About 10 months in I developed really horrible IBS and Social anxiety, shaking, getting weak. So I took more to stop it.
I had no idea the pill was actually causing it. I lost several jobs because my health and anxiety kept me from sticking with work. After losing jobs, I woke up. I needed my GOD. I was a fool and ran. I didn't trust in him, I had failed him. I knew I needed to change. I took little steps to do so. Looked back into Bible College and following in my fathers footsteps.
I didn't let him become my full focus though. At least until it came time to give up my Xanax. I decided, hey! I feel pretty good now. Pretty strong, I can stop taking these. I had no clue about withdrawal. I figured I would probably feel out of it for a day then be back to normal. I was WRONG.
On the second day of quitting my medication I ended up scaring myself with online stories to the point of getting into the ER. I was assured it was common and being in decent health, young and on a decently low dose I wasn't at a huge risk for a horrible withdrawal. They put me on a 5 day detox of Librium to help with the worst of it.
Since then I have been dealing with Depersonalization, Depression, Light muscle twitching, anxiety, agoraphobia, weakness, jitters, eye floaters, neck and head tightness and pain, and tinnitus. Over the past two months the symptoms have come and gone, been better and worse. Recently I can tell a difference. But the obsessive thoughts I have been left with in fear are tough.
My doctor assures me it is normal to experience rebound anxiety. But even with that I sought out answers. I searched for help online. It left me even more scared. My withdrawal has been MILD compared to the horror stories I read, but I continued to obsess. I haven't been able to leave the house as much do to the withdrawals so I sat and read and read..
It became my life. I got closer to GOD but I continued to drop my trust and search the forums for answers. I came to the realization. I didn't make my relationship with GOD the main focus in my life. This is my wake up call. If I can make it through this I can come out stronger than ever. I need to exchange my obsession with the withdrawals to an obsession with GOD.
I've been in this for 8 weeks. I can see improvements each day, even when I'm depressed and don't see them I know they are there. But with those websites in the way I can't fully trust in GOD and heal. So I am here.
I am choosing to replace the bad forums with a christian forum. I need real support in my struggle. It is time to focus on GOD and not my withdrawals. I don't know how long this will last, which has become one of my biggest fears. I have a beautiful wife and daughter who I want to be with and live life with, but I have become so disconnected. The answer has been there the whole time. I need to come home running. I need the love of GOD to reconnect.
I'm here to replace the Benzo forums. For true support and prayer. I'm ready to trust in GOD.
I want to share my story looking for support and prayer.
I grew up a pastors child. My mother walked out on my father when I was 2 years old. Often during my childhood I was forced to move back and forth between parents and states. My mother is a hypochondriac and my father had struggled with depression. I grew to know this as normal growing up and over my life I developed a bit of both. It was never bad enough to keep me from enjoying my life. Even though I was a very anxious and fearful person I still lived.
When I was a teenager, I hit the all too cliche rebellious stage. My instincts as a child was to just quit if something was too hard. I quit school after irrational fears that everyone was out to get me, I ran from my faith thinking it was how to be happy. I hardened my heart. I had tasted sin and it was delicious, I couldn't get enough. I toured with my band, started smoking pot and having pre-marital sex with my girlfriend. Of course this was no way to live. I ended up getting my girlfriend pregnant. That was when it all hit the fan with my anxiety.
We ended up getting married quickly and moving away. I started to get anxiety attacks. Usually mild, just not being able to get my breath. Looking back it wasn't horrible but as mentioned my instinct was to quit and take the easy way. I went to my Doctor who prescribed me Xanax. It was a miracle pill. I replaced my God with a pill. I spent the next 19 months relying on this pill. Taking anywhere from .25 to 1.5mg daily. About 10 months in I developed really horrible IBS and Social anxiety, shaking, getting weak. So I took more to stop it.
I had no idea the pill was actually causing it. I lost several jobs because my health and anxiety kept me from sticking with work. After losing jobs, I woke up. I needed my GOD. I was a fool and ran. I didn't trust in him, I had failed him. I knew I needed to change. I took little steps to do so. Looked back into Bible College and following in my fathers footsteps.
I didn't let him become my full focus though. At least until it came time to give up my Xanax. I decided, hey! I feel pretty good now. Pretty strong, I can stop taking these. I had no clue about withdrawal. I figured I would probably feel out of it for a day then be back to normal. I was WRONG.
On the second day of quitting my medication I ended up scaring myself with online stories to the point of getting into the ER. I was assured it was common and being in decent health, young and on a decently low dose I wasn't at a huge risk for a horrible withdrawal. They put me on a 5 day detox of Librium to help with the worst of it.
Since then I have been dealing with Depersonalization, Depression, Light muscle twitching, anxiety, agoraphobia, weakness, jitters, eye floaters, neck and head tightness and pain, and tinnitus. Over the past two months the symptoms have come and gone, been better and worse. Recently I can tell a difference. But the obsessive thoughts I have been left with in fear are tough.
My doctor assures me it is normal to experience rebound anxiety. But even with that I sought out answers. I searched for help online. It left me even more scared. My withdrawal has been MILD compared to the horror stories I read, but I continued to obsess. I haven't been able to leave the house as much do to the withdrawals so I sat and read and read..
It became my life. I got closer to GOD but I continued to drop my trust and search the forums for answers. I came to the realization. I didn't make my relationship with GOD the main focus in my life. This is my wake up call. If I can make it through this I can come out stronger than ever. I need to exchange my obsession with the withdrawals to an obsession with GOD.
I've been in this for 8 weeks. I can see improvements each day, even when I'm depressed and don't see them I know they are there. But with those websites in the way I can't fully trust in GOD and heal. So I am here.
I am choosing to replace the bad forums with a christian forum. I need real support in my struggle. It is time to focus on GOD and not my withdrawals. I don't know how long this will last, which has become one of my biggest fears. I have a beautiful wife and daughter who I want to be with and live life with, but I have become so disconnected. The answer has been there the whole time. I need to come home running. I need the love of GOD to reconnect.
I'm here to replace the Benzo forums. For true support and prayer. I'm ready to trust in GOD.
