Fighting lust

[Edwards1984]

What about love, specifically romantic love? Is that not selfish?

I think of romantic love as necessarily, essentially selfish. I don't see how it can be otherwise. When you love someone, you wish the best for them. But that's not the end of the story. Love is a relationship. And you expect or want something from the partner for your benefit and consideration as well. We all have our own desires and expect, even demand things from our partner (like fidelity for example).

A love that isn't selfish, a love that is selfless, doesn't seem to me to be love at all. How can you have a relationship with your beloved if you aren't in the picture at all? Because of this, I remain positive about selfishness except for the instances in which the self is privileged at the expense of the other (as you point out).

I actually don't disagree that the other person should get something out of their relationship with someone else. What I said in my previous posts, however, is that we should avoid something where we are giving up something without anything given in return. I wouldn't necessarily call the desire for something in return selfishness, because we're talking about the union between a man and a woman in marriage. They are two people in one union, and hence everything they do is meant to be done (and enjoyed) together.

Let me try to explain it this way: I have known women who allowed men to do what they liked to them for the sake of the relationship (ie., "I don't want to lose him, etc."). However, they got nothing in return. That is not the Biblical definition of marriage, or even a Biblical relationship in general. To refer back to my quotation of Paul, the body of the person belongs to their partner and vice versa. When I marry a woman, I am not marrying a inappropriate content star who is supposed to please my every demand - I am marrying someone who is "bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh" (yes, I'm quoting Adam and Eve) and is my completion.

Perhaps we can clarify this further by stating that this physical relationship within marriage is a willing give and take. That is, each person within the relationship understands what Paul meant in the verse I cited before, and they submit to one another willingly, so that both parties are pleased. This would not be selfishness, this would simply be working in union the way God intended it. Have you ever been working outside on something, and you saw a friend/family member needed help with something, so you went over and, without saying anything, started helping them, and the two of you worked together? He needed help, and you supplied it to him, but it wasn't selfishness on his part. In like manner, husband and wife give themselves to one another from the natural bond within the relationship, not necessarily imposed expectations.

Now if this situation did get to the point where the man or woman demanded something from their partner, I think we're breaching the idea of a Biblical relationship. In other words, you start demanding something of them that breaches the willingness that is supposed to be there any way, so that really, logically speaking, you are making it that they belong to you, not you to them. That would definitely be selfishness within a relationship.

EDIT: Oops, I meant to add this in too!

I think the danger is that guarding oneself against sex can become just as obsessive as wanting to have sex. And that strikes me as unhealthy.

I actually agree with this too. While one should fight against lust, it's possible (as with anything) to go overboard. When a friend of mine called me some months ago and told me he was struggling with lust, one of the first things I told him was, "Stop obsessing over it." By this I didn't mean he should just give up, what I meant was the more you obsess with it, the more (ironically) you think about it. It's also easy to get into this pattern where you commit a sexual sin, feel really guilty, vow to stop, and then do it all over again. The guilt just becomes a therapeutic way of staying with the addiction. Getting control of the beast (by the grace of the Holy Spirit, of course) requires clear thinking.

Also, just to throw this out, I don't condemn everyone who struggles with lust to hell outright. I've struggled with lust since I was a preteen. I know how hard it is. All the more reason for us to realize what scripture teaches regarding it. And all the more reason for us to remember that Christ is a far greater savior than we could ever be sinners.

 

[OGM]

Well,as far as number 4 is concerned,when I was on a cruise wearing my tux with a white dinner jacket,women were calling me handsome all night long.Even the men were telling me that I looked liked a million dollars. I felt like a million dollars that night.The only problem is that it would not be appropiate to wear my tux everywhere I go. One of my male friends told me that I am lukcy because I drive a Mercedes-Benz. I told him,"Well I cannot take my Benz with me on the dance floor in order to attract women."

All this is very good actually! I have the strong feeling that a change of style might do wonders because you just proved that a clothing change helped you receive a great deal of positive congrats. You already have the Benz and you have proven that everyone thinks you look like a million dollars when you have nice threads on. From my perspective all of this looks very positive

Many good women have told me for over forty years,that I am a good man,BUT they have no feelings for me.

An even better point!!! You have more opportunity around you then you realize Brother

 

[127.0.0.1]

Every day people like us struggle to keep lustful thoughts out of our minds. This temptation never goes away.

Pray about this first but it might be an idea to create an imaginary wife. When a lustful thought pops into your head you can think about her instead of fantasizing about the thought.

It sounds weird but it works for me.

It starts innocently enough, you write notes to your imaginary GF, you send anniversary cards, you go shopping together, people look at you like, "what the flub?"
And then you move in together and you stay up late painting each-others toenails, then mom comes knocking on the door, "What's going on in there? Who's in there with you?!"

And that's all good and fine, until next thing you know you're taking up two seats at the movies,
"excuse me, could you please move? you're sitting on my GF."
"What GF? I don't see nobodyz."
"She's right there!"
"Where?"
"HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE TORMENTED HER ENOUGH ALREADY!"

You invite people to the wedding and they think you're joking, then become grave-yard serious when they see that you're not. And of course the honey moon is always fun, imaginary wives are always such a tease in bed; always just out of reach...of reality.


But when, after a long and heated debate, you wind up murdering your imaginary GF, then hiding her body under the floorboards... while her tell-tale heart keeps beating...

And so you call the one friend in the world you know you can trust no matter what... Someone who'd never judge you, or edit clips together to make you look bad...

"SHE'S HERE!"
"..."
"UNDER THA FLOOR BEARDS! I BURIED HER HEART UNDER THE FLOOR BEARDS!"
"Mr. Simposa, I'd like to try some medication..."
... you may have gone too far.

 

[Cearbhall]

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