Fiance lied twice about texting ex girlfriend

[Lia1234]

We have been dating for 2 years and engaged for 7 months. In January he had left his phone in my car and he called me to retrieve some phone numbers. I saw a name that looked vaguely familiar and i looked at the texts. They where flirting with each other. I confronted him and he said he was sorry and we made a agreement that if she contacts him again he should say he is in a commited relantionship. Fast forward to 2 days ago. I go over to his place and i pick up his mail. I see a envelope with her name. I did not open it and gave it to him. He tore it up and said he didnt know why she wrote him. Later i take out a small bag of trash and see a part of the letter saying i hope your father is feeling better. Of course she can only know that if they talked in the last month. I confronted him and again he first lied and then he is sorry and he doesnt know why he texted her back. He only texted 1 time and knew it was wrong. He said he thought it would go away if he ignored her texts. He says i never thought of blocking her. Never told me and again did not say he was now engaged. He says he loves me and that he texted her not to contact anymore but he deleted that text and he wanted it to be over. He says he will try and make it up to me and never text her again. My problem he already promised once and now lied to me but worse what if i never saw the card. I cant stop thinking of this. We had such plans for our future and otherwise he is kind and caring. I dont know what to do. I want to believe him but idk. Im so confused. He says he was stupid and bought flowers and candy and apologized numerous times. I have not eaten anything in 2 days and i cry all the time. I cant sleep for more than a couple of hours. I havent told anyone. Should i break of the engagment or try and work it out. Please i prayed on it but i feel so betrayed. Thank you.

 

[Take Heart]

I'm sorry Lia.. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. Personally, I think you should break it off. You don't deserve to go through that again. To be hurt again. May you find healing, strength, guidance, and wisdom through Christ.

 

[Sketcher]

He lied - to you - twice. How can you trust him at all now?

 

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

All I saw was "Fiance lied" and knew that this would be bad.

Quiet time with God is a profoundly underrated prayer tactic--that's what I'd recommend at this point. Also, a priest or good friend would be good to talk to (preferably both).

God be with you.

 

[salt-n-light]

We have been dating for 2 years and engaged for 7 months. In January he had left his phone in my car and he called me to retrieve some phone numbers. I saw a name that looked vaguely familiar and i looked at the texts. They where flirting with each other. I confronted him and he said he was sorry and we made a agreement that if she contacts him again he should say he is in a commited relantionship. Fast forward to 2 days ago. I go over to his place and i pick up his mail. I see a envelope with her name. I did not open it and gave it to him. He tore it up and said he didnt know why she wrote him. Later i take out a small bag of trash and see a part of the letter saying i hope your father is feeling better. Of course she can only know that if they talked in the last month. I confronted him and again he first lied and then he is sorry and he doesnt know why he texted her back. He only texted 1 time and knew it was wrong. He said he thought it would go away if he ignored her texts. He says i never thought of blocking her. Never told me and again did not say he was now engaged. He says he loves me and that he texted her not to contact anymore but he deleted that text and he wanted it to be over. He says he will try and make it up to me and never text her again. My problem he already promised once and now lied to me but worse what if i never saw the card. I cant stop thinking of this. We had such plans for our future and otherwise he is kind and caring. I dont know what to do. I want to believe him but idk. Im so confused. He says he was stupid and bought flowers and candy and apologized numerous times. I have not eaten anything in 2 days and i cry all the time. I cant sleep for more than a couple of hours. I havent told anyone. Should i break of the engagment or try and work it out. Please i prayed on it but i feel so betrayed. Thank you.

Break it off. He obviously trying to drag unhealthy habits into the union, and he needs to deal with that on his own.

 

[Rescued One]

RUN!

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Soyeong]

We have been dating for 2 years and engaged for 7 months. In January he had left his phone in my car and he called me to retrieve some phone numbers. I saw a name that looked vaguely familiar and i looked at the texts. They where flirting with each other. I confronted him and he said he was sorry and we made a agreement that if she contacts him again he should say he is in a commited relantionship. Fast forward to 2 days ago. I go over to his place and i pick up his mail. I see a envelope with her name. I did not open it and gave it to him. He tore it up and said he didnt know why she wrote him. Later i take out a small bag of trash and see a part of the letter saying i hope your father is feeling better. Of course she can only know that if they talked in the last month. I confronted him and again he first lied and then he is sorry and he doesnt know why he texted her back. He only texted 1 time and knew it was wrong. He said he thought it would go away if he ignored her texts. He says i never thought of blocking her. Never told me and again did not say he was now engaged. He says he loves me and that he texted her not to contact anymore but he deleted that text and he wanted it to be over. He says he will try and make it up to me and never text her again. My problem he already promised once and now lied to me but worse what if i never saw the card. I cant stop thinking of this. We had such plans for our future and otherwise he is kind and caring. I dont know what to do. I want to believe him but idk. Im so confused. He says he was stupid and bought flowers and candy and apologized numerous times. I have not eaten anything in 2 days and i cry all the time. I cant sleep for more than a couple of hours. I havent told anyone. Should i break of the engagment or try and work it out. Please i prayed on it but i feel so betrayed. Thank you.

Hello,

To use an analogy, it is better to have a mechanic do preventive maintenance on your car than to have them fix it after your engine dies. In the same way, it is better to have a marriage counselor do preventative maintenance on your relationship than to have them fix your relationship after it's broken. So I always recommend that people go to pre-marriage counselling even when things are going fine in order to give them tools to help it to stay fine. There are many issues that they can help guide you through that are useful to discuss before hand rather than in the heat of the moment. For example, some people have strong positions about whether they want their potential children to be homeschooled, to go to a public school, or to go to a private school, and that can be useful to discuss before you are under pressure to make that decision. However, considering the issue that you're having, I would especially recommend seeing a Christian marriage counselor before making a decision about whether to continue your relationship or to break it off.

 

[salt-n-light]

Listen, your goal in this lifetime is to be with the Lord at the end of the journey. Do not lose sight and keep around people that will jeopardize that, because none can vouch for you but Jesus. If it means going at it alone girl, so be it! If that looks like bringing someone NEW in your life to help, so be it!

Just do what you gotta do, don’t stay too long dwelling.

 

[sfs]

I don't know whether your relationship can recover (I doubt I could recover from repeated deceit), but one thing seems completely clear: this guy is not ready to be in a marriage.

 

[CowardlyLion]

Part of the reason I use the name CowardlyLion, is because I have acted like one of the biggest cowards I've ever known.

I know this post is a few months old, but I want to offer my perspective.

I did almost the exact same thing to my current girlfriend. I was a completely disgraceful and dishonorable human being. I had been with my ex-girlfriend for 7 years before she cheated on me. I was devastated. After being single for 2 years, I met my now current girlfriend. Since then, I have not really spoken with my ex, other than a few times when she texted me. I responded with something similar to "please don't message me again". But I never blocked her. My excuse to myself was that I never wanted to be a "mean" person. But the truth is, I was scared. Scared of letting go. Scared of moving forward. Scared of upsetting other people. Without realizing I was upsetting the only person who actually cared about me. The love of my life.

I can't say he feels the same way. It took me a lot of self-reflection over the past year. And the only reason I was able to have such reflection was because I hit rock-bottom with my sexual addiction. I put my girlfriend in the hospital from the stress and betrayal I caused her. Betrayal is not a joke. It's not just a hurt feeling. It is a trauma. A legitimate trauma. Because with betrayal comes gaslighting. Gaslighting makes you feel insane.

The fact is, like most men (myself most definitely included), he is selfish. He needs to learn to live for you. He needs to learn to live for The Lord. It wasn't until I found God that I was able to be even a half-decent person.

I just need you to remember something: you are not crazy. You are right. Your feelings in this matter are completely valid. Forgive him in your heart, but know that his actions were wrong. How you want to proceed moving forward is up to you. But understand that trust is an incredibly hard thing to build and one of the most easy things to break. How would you handle it if you found out he did it again? It would only drive you deeper into madness. The only thing you can do is think this: "I cannot control him. He is going to do what he is going to do. If he acts this way again, I will leave. Those are his natural consequences."

You have told him you don't like it. There is no "I don't know why I keep doing this". If he does it again, stick to your decision and let him know you are serious.

 

[Andrew77]

We have been dating for 2 years and engaged for 7 months. In January he had left his phone in my car and he called me to retrieve some phone numbers. I saw a name that looked vaguely familiar and i looked at the texts. They where flirting with each other. I confronted him and he said he was sorry and we made a agreement that if she contacts him again he should say he is in a commited relantionship. Fast forward to 2 days ago. I go over to his place and i pick up his mail. I see a envelope with her name. I did not open it and gave it to him. He tore it up and said he didnt know why she wrote him. Later i take out a small bag of trash and see a part of the letter saying i hope your father is feeling better. Of course she can only know that if they talked in the last month. I confronted him and again he first lied and then he is sorry and he doesnt know why he texted her back. He only texted 1 time and knew it was wrong. He said he thought it would go away if he ignored her texts. He says i never thought of blocking her. Never told me and again did not say he was now engaged. He says he loves me and that he texted her not to contact anymore but he deleted that text and he wanted it to be over. He says he will try and make it up to me and never text her again. My problem he already promised once and now lied to me but worse what if i never saw the card. I cant stop thinking of this. We had such plans for our future and otherwise he is kind and caring. I dont know what to do. I want to believe him but idk. Im so confused. He says he was stupid and bought flowers and candy and apologized numerous times. I have not eaten anything in 2 days and i cry all the time. I cant sleep for more than a couple of hours. I havent told anyone. Should i break of the engagment or try and work it out. Please i prayed on it but i feel so betrayed. Thank you.

This guy is garbage. I would break it off, and dump him.

I know this sucks, and it makes you want to vomit.... but better you find out now before you are married, than after your honeymoon, and he's meeting up with her during 'business trips' or some such nonsense.

I know this sucks. I'm not trying to make you feel worse.

DUMP HIS BUTT. You ditch this unfaithful jerk of a man. DUMP HIM. Do not tie yourself to this boat anchor of a man.