Females in the Friendzone

LadyOfMystery · Nov 30, 2010

Okay sorry Howard (I think thats who it was lol) I had to steal your thread cause I thought it was good and do a spin off of it.
This is MY problem.. I know a lot of guys get stuck in the friendzone with girls, but it's also vice versa. I lately have gotten in the friendzone with practically all guys that I've met. Im not sure how I get there, lol. I mean sure, I dont say "im going to date this guy" every time I meet a guy, I dont expect to date each one. But it gets frustrating when it starts to feel like all guys see me as just friend material..or..*gulp* Their sister.
Any girls feel this way, in this situation? lol Any tips?

LadyOfMystery · Nov 30, 2010

P.S. The tips part, or any kinda comments can be from guys and girls.

SweetDee · Nov 30, 2010

JennieAmber said:
Okay sorry Howard (I think thats who it was lol) I had to steal your thread cause I thought it was good and do a spin off of it.
This is MY problem.. I know a lot of guys get stuck in the friendzone with girls, but it's also vice versa. I lately have gotten in the friendzone with practically all guys that I've met. Im not sure how I get there, lol. I mean sure, I dont say "im going to date this guy" every time I meet a guy, I dont expect to date each one. But it gets frustrating when it starts to feel like all guys see me as just friend material..or..*gulp* Their sister.
Any girls feel this way, in this situation? lol Any tips?

I kind of get the same vibe too at times. I am not sure if its my ability to joke around with the guys and what not that kind of puts me in that zone or if I am not attractive or something. The guys that friend zone me right now, I don't see them in anyway other than just a friend either so it does not effect me quite as much. In the past though when I had felt something for them and they didn't...I kind of just dealt with it and moved on....

I unfortunately don't have any tips

and I am completely useless in this thread..woops

just move pass my useless post...carry on, as you were.

GQ Chris · Nov 30, 2010

Do you dress like a boy?

GQ Chris · Nov 30, 2010

When I friendzone a woman, the way they know for sure is if I give her a fist bump. That's when I wanna be nothing more than just "Bros".

Rhye · Nov 30, 2010

JennieAmber said:
Okay sorry Howard (I think thats who it was lol) I had to steal your thread cause I thought it was good and do a spin off of it.
This is MY problem.. I know a lot of guys get stuck in the friendzone with girls, but it's also vice versa. I lately have gotten in the friendzone with practically all guys that I've met. Im not sure how I get there, lol. I mean sure, I dont say "im going to date this guy" every time I meet a guy, I dont expect to date each one. But it gets frustrating when it starts to feel like all guys see me as just friend material..or..*gulp* Their sister.
Any girls feel this way, in this situation? lol Any tips?

Well, after having a conversation with a guy on this, usually (not always) when girls are friendzoned its cause they try "too hard" to be one of the guys. Never really done that before so I'm not sure.

Also, the sister part comes much later on when you just become way too comfortable with them. I've had that happen because well, I kind of made that happen, cause I did not really see us dating much, so it sort of happened. One day we were talking, someone looked at us and said, "hey you guys would make a cute couple" and we gave the most digesting look to each other and say "ewww! thats my brother/sister" Yeah, very mature.

I'm just going to have to say be yourself, or maybe a little more flirtatious but yourself really! I think the guy that comes along that is very interested is not going to care if you make jokes with him, or try too hard to talk about football with him. Its just going to be natural. Be you Jennie, you are great!

*Now waits for the guys replies to see how wrong I am.*

FYI, not wrong on being yourself.

acropolis · Nov 30, 2010

Flirt more.

Blank123 · Nov 30, 2010

I'll tell you what I tell the guys

There is no friendzone Its either (1) they're not interested (yet) and you're not a good romantic match for eachother, in which case you should be glad they're not leading you on, (2) in time interest will spark between the two of you as you get to know eachother better, or (3) they are interested but haven't made it known to you yet because they either don't think its the right time or because they're too shy. or both. in which case you probably could encourage them by showing an interest in spending more time with them

love isn't a game. there's no one right thing to do to make someone fall for you. If you're a good romantic match, then something will happen. If you're not then why is being a friend such a terrible thing?

Guy Incognito · Nov 30, 2010

Er2003 said:
I kind of get the same vibe too at times. I am not sure if its my ability to joke around with the guys and what not that kind of puts me in that zone or if I am not attractive or something. The guys that friend zone me right now, I don't see them in anyway other than just a friend either so it does not effect me quite as much. In the past though when I had felt something for them and they didn't...I kind of just dealt with it and moved on....

I unfortunately don't have any tips

and I am completely useless in this thread..woops

just move pass my useless post...carry on, as you were.

I've never ever ever understood why that deter's a guy in looking at the girl as a dating option, with me, it increases me seeing her as an option. I like a girl who can be as silly and ridiculous with my friends/others as I can. It doesn't have to be schnerious all the time

ceh85 · Nov 30, 2010

I get friendzoned all the time too, I don't think I give off a 'do not date me' vibe - I have had people think my friend and I were a couple because of the way we were with each other! I don't get it, I feel like if I don't flirt around and act like a girly girl men don't think of me as anything more than a friend. Maybe it's because I usually take a while to really like someone and by that point they have me in their head as friend material, nothing else?

LoneSheep · Nov 30, 2010

I personally don't have a friend zone because I don't have any female friends. I have female acquaintances. I do this for two reasons: First-it doesn't rule out anyone by making them too close for a relationship. Second-I believe that once in a relationship, I shouldn't be hanging out with other women in a way that would make my girlfriend jealous/suspicious. I want her to completely trust that I will be committed to the relationship.

LadyOfMystery · Nov 30, 2010

Er2003 said:
I kind of get the same vibe too at times. I am not sure if its my ability to joke around with the guys and what not that kind of puts me in that zone or if I am not attractive or something. The guys that friend zone me right now, I don't see them in anyway other than just a friend either so it does not effect me quite as much. In the past though when I had felt something for them and they didn't...I kind of just dealt with it and moved on....

I unfortunately don't have any tips

and I am completely useless in this thread..woops

just move pass my useless post...carry on, as you were.

Actually I feel the exact same way. I always use to blame it on the fact that i get along so well with guys, can talk easier with them, joke around, etc that I was automatically put in "one of the guys" kinda category. lol

broken_one · Nov 30, 2010

Okay, be forewarned that this may hurt feelings. This is one of the few times that I'm taking the 90+% of guys under my wing, so I'm not just speaking for myself.

little_tigress said:
There is no friendzone Its either (1) they're not interested (yet) and you're not a good romantic match for eachother, in which case you should be glad they're not leading you on, (2) in time interest will spark between the two of you as you get to know eachother better, or (3) they are interested but haven't made it known to you yet because they either don't think its the right time or because they're too shy. or both. in which case you probably could encourage them by showing an interest in spending more time with them.

1. Yes, not a good romantic match.

2. Won't happen, with guys when you know you know. Looking at the same car a thousand times DOES NOT make it turn into a Mustang, I'm sorry. Women can do that, and that's why they're women and we're just lowly men.

3. Declaring your intentions may get him to accept because either he may already like you and you don't know it, or because he wants something for the short-term until he can find something better.

The friendzone with women sometimes exists because women don't know what to do with a guy just yet, their feelings may change. The friendzone for men is more of a "I think she's cool, but I'm not attracted to her." It's not bad really, but it's just romance is never going to happen.

(I told you this wasn't going to be a nice post, sorry. )

Tehchad · Nov 30, 2010

This is a tough/funny/complicated/bloated topic.
I think Eth and LT have some good wisdom here - there's nothing wrong with being yourself.

I can only give you a guy's perspective. I've been in the dreaded friend zone. I broke out of it by being much more bold and silly. I worked to find a direction for my life - something ladies like. Once I had direction/something of an edge, I just worked on being a bit retarded. And by retarded I mean that I was more something to laugh at. I tried to laugh at nothing. Now I just laugh at more. Katie seems to like this combo and other ladies seem to have their eyes on me (but I have Katie, so I don't really care).
I definitely flirt more now. I sent/send her harassing texts/emails with the following format: Begin with "So are you"; then insert something I want her to do like meet me for dinner or a beer or come hiking or whatever; and then end it with "or what?" Seems to work well for me.

Now that we're dating (and I know this is a bit off topic), I send her texts that hit her soul as best I can - quality time. "Morning beautiful" "I'm thinking about *that time we spent hours and hours doing whatever*" "I'm watching your movie" (she just bought me a movie that she would be able to watch as most of mine are war/action) Basically, I just send texts for the sake of harassing her. She gets a little plus one on her quality time happiness scale.

Blank123 · Nov 30, 2010

pfft! My skin is a bit thicker than that. no hurt feelings. I just disagree I've seen it happen myself, and I've talked to guys who would attest to it. *shrugs*

ETA: actually if guys could not change their minds about being interested in a woman or being attracted to someone, I wouldn't exist and my parents would not be married. For my father it was just a gradual interest that came as a result of being friends first with my mother. So I'm not going to easily buy that it doesn't happen for guys.

broken_one · Nov 30, 2010

@Chad: when you date someone, all of a sudden the girls come out of the woodwork to get with you. I don't understand it, but that's how it happens. You're wanted, so now other people want you, too.

But DON'T think that if you (God forbid) break up, these women will still be there so you have options. DOES NOT HAPPEN. Just look at my love life post-last relationship, and you can see that.

broken_one · Nov 30, 2010

little_tigress said:
pfft! My skin is a bit thicker than that. no hurt feelings. I just disagree I've seen it happen myself, and I've talked to guys who would attest to it. *shrugs*

That's why I said 90%. I know most guys who are secular, a quite a few who are religious as well. I don't necessarily fit their mold, but I know their mold. Which is why I get to speak on these things. I'm rarely talking about what most women do, unless I'm feeling bitter.

Rhye · Nov 30, 2010

broken_one said:
@Chad: when you date someone, all of a sudden the girls come out of the woodwork to get with you. I don't understand it, but that's how it happens. You're wanted, so now other people want you, too.

But DON'T think that if you (God forbid) break up, these women will still be there so you have options. DOES NOT HAPPEN. Just look at my love life post-last relationship, and you can see that.

I always wondered why that happened.

Men and women....

Tehchad · Nov 30, 2010

broken_one said:
@Chad: when you date someone, all of a sudden the girls come out of the woodwork to get with you. I don't understand it, but that's how it happens. You're wanted, so now other people want you, too.

But DON'T think that if you (God forbid) break up, these women will still be there so you have options. DOES NOT HAPPEN. Just look at my love life post-last relationship, and you can see that.

I've seen this too. However, I think it has something to do with the way you act when you're dating someone vs how girls see each other. Maybe I'm just a bit of a narcissist, but I know a couple of guys that aren't dating anyone and get more harassment than all of the other men I know put together.
I think it has something to do with the guy and how he's acting.

Wren · Nov 30, 2010

I think it (people suddenly more popular with the opposite sex while dating) might happen just because we tend to be more ourselves and relaxed when with someone.

As far as the OP, I've gotten more popular with men due to weight loss and more confidence. I haven't been friendzoned too much because I don't tend to have male friends offline (guys around here tend to be macho sports nuts, not intellectuals), though. I used to be shy and really self-conscious. I still have moments of being self-conscious, but not very often. Now instead of being super quiet, I'm goofy or loud/obnoxious or just nerdy and having intellectual conversations. Guys seem to be drawn to me more now...even when I'm loud and obnoxious. Sometimes I think I've gone too far in what I've said or whatever, but either guys overlook it or they find it charming. Now if only the guys who were drawn to me were guys that I thought were a good match.

Females in the Friendzone

Heart of Gold

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I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

ooey gooey is for brownies, not Bible teachers

ooey gooey is for brownies, not Bible teachers

Legend

so rad

Legend

Matt 6:25-34

You shattered my darkness,washed away my blindness

Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me

Heart of Gold

Fear is but something to be overcome.

YOU! are awesome!

Legend

Fear is but something to be overcome.

Fear is but something to be overcome.

Legend

YOU! are awesome!

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