**Female here: I've liked girls since I was 7!!**

[SDSoccerChick32]

Disclaimer: I'm new to CF so I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right section but I'll give it a-go.

Just like the title says, I've liked girls since I was 7; what are your thoughts? Technically, I don't classify myself as a "lesbian"...I'll date whoever I feel a connection with. Although, I'd have to say, I've yet to run into a guy I'm sexually attracted to. I've dated 2 girls and 1 guy; girl relationships were waaayyyy better; we connected...I had feelings towards them. Guy relationship...sparkless; felt more like a friends.

Anyway, I wanted to post this b/c soooo many Christians say homosexuality is wrong (yes, I know the passages that 'we' use to say why homosexuality is a sin; I was raised in a Christian home, attended Baptist private school kinder to college and con't to pray and go to church, etc. My ex-gf and I use to go to church every Sunday ). Anyway, I consider myself a Christian but I can't see myself being sexually involved w/ a guy. I find guys hott but that's about it; I don't think of them like that. Never have...not quite sure if I ever will. So, what gives? If I was raised in a Christian home, continue to pray, go to church, read my Bible and do daily devotionals...why did these feelings start at such a young age? 7 years old is REALLY young. Also, if homosexuality is wrong, why are these feelings still "there" despite my relationship w/ God?


(Fyi: No, I'm not a man-hater, been molested or anything like that. I've just always been attracted to girls. Also, I'm not arguing if homosexuality is right or wrong b/c I'm still "wondering" so all responses appreciated.)

 

[katautumn]

I think you're situation simply further proves that it isn't a "lifestyle choice" rooted in "gender hatred", "sexual abuse" or "exposure to homosexuality", rather something most people are born with.

 

[MachZer0]

Disclaimer: I'm new to CF so I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right section but I'll give it a-go.

Just like the title says, I've liked girls since I was 7; what are your thoughts? Technically, I don't classify myself as a "lesbian"...I'll date whoever I feel a connection with. Although, I'd have to say, I've yet to run into a guy I'm sexually attracted to. I've dated 2 girls and 1 guy; girl relationships were waaayyyy better; we connected...I had feelings towards them. Guy relationship...sparkless; felt more like a friends.

Anyway, I wanted to post this b/c soooo many Christians say homosexuality is wrong (yes, I know the passages that 'we' use to say why homosexuality is a sin; I was raised in a Christian home, attended Baptist private school kinder to college and con't to pray and go to church, etc. My ex-gf and I use to go to church every Sunday ). Anyway, I consider myself a Christian but I can't see myself being sexually involved w/ a guy. I find guys hott but that's about it; I don't think of them like that. Never have...not quite sure if I ever will. So, what gives? If I was raised in a Christian home, continue to pray, go to church, read my Bible and do daily devotionals...why did these feelings start at such a young age? 7 years old is REALLY young. Also, if homosexuality is wrong, why are these feelings still "there" despite my relationship w/ God?


(Fyi: No, I'm not a man-hater, been molested or anything like that. I've just always been attracted to girls. Also, I'm not arguing if homosexuality is right or wrong b/c I'm still "wondering" so all responses appreciated.)

Better to just stay celibate and work on your relationship with God

 

[SDSoccerChick32]

Better to just stay celibate and work on your relationship with God

I'm assuming that was a joke??

 

[Beanieboy]

I find it fascinating that so many little boys (heteros in training) often say, "I hate girls. They're stupid". I even heard about boys who experiment with other boys at the age of 6-12 or whatever, <staff edit. Then they hit about 13 or 14, and suddenly, "discover" girls, think that homosexuality is completely gross and would NEVER do that, (while having experience it and enjoyed it as a child), and suddenly like girls, with a claimed 0% attraction to men.

Because of the huge 180 turns, while learning absolutely nothing from their past, I've stopped trying to justify myself with anyone who is heterosexual, because they don't make much sense.

You're lucky. You're a girl. Most guys, Christian or not, will think that's hot (as long as you look fem and not butch). As a guy, i think I simply am a physical reminder of something that they either have or had an attraction to, so, it causes anger and tension, and the most common "homosexuality is a sin" of the sexes.

One Christian even said, "homosexuality is wrong, but two girls is hot..."

As i said, they don't make much sense, so don't assume they ever know what they are talking about when it comes to the complexity of sexual orientation or inborn traits or what the bible says on homosexuality, because they have usually discussed it for a week or so, or read a book, and claim to be an authority, while we have lived it (I'm 45 now), have gone to bed praying about it, crying for God to change me, wondering why God would make me this way, and have thought about it, explored it, and tried to understand it first hand night after night for years.

And what have I found? This is how God simply chose to make me. If anyone has a problem with it, they can take it up with God in prayer, and criticize his creation. Good luck with that.

 

[MachZer0]

I'm assuming that was a joke??

Not in the least

 

[SDSoccerChick32]

I find it fascinating that so many little boys (heteros in training) often say, "I hate girls. They're stupid"...

You're lucky. You're a girl. Most guys, Christian or not, will think that's hot (as long as you look fem and not butch). As a guy, i think I simply am a physical reminder of something that they either have or had an attraction to, so, it causes anger and tension, and the most common "homosexuality is a sin" of the sexes...

And what have I found? This is how God simply chose to make me. If anyone has a problem with it, they can take it up with God in prayer, and criticize his creation. Good luck with that.

Yes, I'm VERY femme and that perplexes people even more. I'm often told, "But...uuummm...you don't look like a lesbian; you could even be a model (<-- lol like all lesbians have a certain look to them haha). You could have any guy you want!" and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, "Uuuummm...thanks but no thanks, I'll take the hot chick over there!"

Anyway, all of this leaves me confused b/c people I look up to (Christians) con't to tell me that I WON'T be "blessed" if I con't this lifestyle. I'm like...what "lifestyle"? This is me! This has always been me! But then they make me worry b/c I want the best life God plans for me but I'm constantly told it WON'T happen unless I "turn away"

I've read some of your other posts; very inspirational. You sound exactly like me (your struggles, worrying, praying, crying etc.)

 

[acropolis]

I'm assuming that was a joke??

It wasn't, and unfortunately you'll get more comments like it here.

Personally, I don't think same-sex relationships/sex/whatever is wrong. I also think the words and actions of Christ affirm this belief; He broke social mores in order to better love and accept people. Romans 1:26-27 gets quoted often, but Christ is more authoritative to me than Paul.

The fact that you've always been like that should challenge the belief that homosexuality is a choice, and therefore a conscience sin, but I doubt it'll have any effect on those who choose bigotry over reason.

 

[SDSoccerChick32]

It wasn't, and unfortunately you'll get more comments like it here.

Personally, I don't think same-sex relationships/sex/whatever is wrong. I also think the words and actions of Christ affirm this belief; He broke social mores in order to better love and accept people. Romans 1:26-27 gets quoted often, but Christ is more authoritative to me than Paul.

The fact that you've always been like that should challenge the belief that homosexuality is a choice, and therefore a conscience sin, but I doubt it'll have any effect on those who choose bigotry over reason.

Definitely! I mean really, who wouldn't want the husband, 2 kids and perfect house? Well, there are a lot of women who don't want to get married or have kids but you get what I'm talking about. I fear that if I try to "conform" I'll end up like those who always knew they were gay but decided to marry anyway, have kids but get fed up w/ denying themselves and get divorced. I don't want to end up on Oprah's "My Wife Is A Lesbian" episode and have her ask me: "So, when did you know?"
Me: When I was 7
Oprah: *confused* So, why did you marry a man?
Me: Classic answer..."I thought it would go away."

No thanks.

 

[Washington]

I'm assuming that was a joke??

After you've been here awhile you'll understand why it isn't. People actually DO believe such stuff.

So, what gives? If I was raised in a Christian home, continue to pray, go to church, read my Bible and do daily devotionals...why did these feelings start at such a young age?

It appears you believe a direct cause-effect should have taken place: You've done all the things that people have said will put you on a certain path, but you find yourself on a different one. The obvious fact is that they were wrong. Being raised in a Christian home, continuing to pray, going to church, reading your Bible and doing daily devotionals is no guarantee that one's sexual orientation will be in accord with other teachings: that you will automatically be a heterosexual. Natural sexual orientation is simply not based on one's religious belief. Of course the actual determinants of sexual orientation have still not been pinned down, but it's safe to say religious training has little if anything to do with it.

why did these feelings start at such a young age?

Another question you will probably never get an answer to.

7 years old is REALLY young.

Yes it is, but it need not be the age at which the actual orientation was established. It may simply be the age at which you discovered one of two possibilities, and it stuck in your mind because on later reflection it can be seen as abnormal (abnormal in the sense of not the norm) However, it is not uncommon for children to form same sex attractions among close friends. After all, most boys play with other boys and tend not to play with girls, and the same goes for girls. Most girls play with other girls rather than boys. So the opportunity to like other girls is far more likely than to it is to like boys. I wouldn't give the age any significance.

Also, if homosexuality is wrong, why are these feelings still "there" despite my relationship w/ God?

Because people have simply deemed it so. Whatever the reason for the Bible declaring same sex relationships wrong---no good explanation is ever provided---it obviously ignores the fickle nature of the human condition. A certain portion of any population always consists of people who are more attracted to those of the same sex than those of the opposite sex. That some people claim a closer relationship with god can change this condition is quite naive, because there is no proof of such a cause and effect. The fact is, many people who feel they have a close relationship with god are homosexual. And, if there were a loving god (I'm agnostic) I hardly doubt that this love would exclude those who have no say in whom they are attracted to. It would be like insisting that you fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, or just any person at random. Through deliberate effort can anyone really make them self truly love another when there is no inclination to do so? I don't think so. We are simply not constructed that way. So if sexual orientation is a true, unchangeable aspect of our character, which it certainly seems to be, I fail to see how a loving god could withhold any favor because of it. No matter what form it took. It would be like denying someone access to favor because they were born with curly hair.

Some contend that sexual orientation is learned and therefore can be unlearned, but this has never been shown to be true. Of course there are those who teeter between the two orientations and can happily go either way, and sometimes do go one way: however, we are not talking about bisexuals, but those with homosexual orientations just as strong as the orientation of the committed heterosexual.

Be true to yourself. If your god is as loving as Christians claim he is, you can't go wrong.

 

[JCFantasy23]

I don't have advice for you really, although I'm at a standstill on the homosexuality issue. My brother is gay, although he hasn't told me yet. He's 18 now. I believe his started young too, as even in Junior High girls were never brought up or attraction shown. So yes, I believe it's something that usually starts young. He never had a crush on a female - EVER.

 

[SDSoccerChick32]

Not in the least

LOL. Interesting. So, how long would you "suggest" that I continue working on my relationship w/ God? Forever? I'm already 25 and no amount of praying, avoiding situations, etc has changed my feelings thus far. Don't you find that interesting? I'll be interested in reading your response...

 

[cantata]

Definitely! I mean really, who wouldn't want the husband, 2 kids and perfect house? Well, there are a lot of women who don't want to get married or have kids but you get what I'm talking about.

Although I get what you're saying, I actually did make exactly this sort of choice. I decided to be gay at 14, and ultimately ended up bisexual. (It took about three years for me to really get to like women, but giving up men was an impossibility.) I'm now probably more attracted to women than to men, and I have had romantic and sexual relationships with both men and women.

It was the best and probably most important decision of my entire life. I am so glad I made it. It's made me a better, stronger, happier person in so many ways. So I am completely okay with people of all sexual orientations, however they got there, and I say go for it - the most important thing is that you are happy and at peace with yourself, and I think that if you're not there yet, you're well on your way.

 

[SDSoccerChick32]

I don't have advice for you really, although I'm at a standstill on the homosexuality issue. My brother is gay, although he hasn't told me yet. He's 18 now. I believe his started young too, as even in Junior High girls were never brought up or attraction shown. So yes, I believe it's something that usually starts young. He never had a crush on a female - EVER.

Yeah, I've never really had a crush on a guy, either...and I'm 25. Didn't date in junior hight or h.s., didn't have a prom date and only dated 1 person in college (a chick...for like 3yrs). BUT, I'm always told, "...you just haven't met the right one!" So, part of me wonders, "Hhhhmmm....maybe that's true and maybe I haven't met the right one." and another part of me thinks, "Uuummm...fat chances!"

 

[MachZer0]

LOL. Interesting. So, how long would you "suggest" that I continue working on my relationship w/ God? Forever? I'm already 25 and no amount of praying, avoiding situations, etc has changed my feelings thus far. Don't you find that interesting? I'll be interested in reading your response...

Like all of us, you should work on your relationship with God until you breathe your last breath. Remining celibate will prevent you from being distracted by the sin of homosexuality

 

[Caylin]

Not that god will help you with it mind you. Thats all you! If you screw up, prepare to roast FOR EVAR!

 

[Athene]

As a gentle reminder for all discussion participants.

Posts must address the topics of the thread, and add substantively to the discussion, rather than responding personally to posters.

 

[jayem]

Anyway, I wanted to post this b/c soooo many Christians say homosexuality is wrong (yes, I know the passages that 'we' use to say why homosexuality is a sin; I was raised in a Christian home, attended Baptist private school kinder to college and con't to pray and go to church, etc. My ex-gf and I use to go to church every Sunday ). Anyway, I consider myself a Christian but I can't see myself being sexually involved w/ a guy. I find guys hott but that's about it; I don't think of them like that. Never have...not quite sure if I ever will. So, what gives? If I was raised in a Christian home, continue to pray, go to church, read my Bible and do daily devotionals...why did these feelings start at such a young age? 7 years old is REALLY young. Also, if homosexuality is wrong, why are these feelings still "there" despite my relationship w/ God?

I've never understood why the Biblical literalists think they can define Christianity for everyone. The Bible, particularly the OT, is a product of the Bronze age, Hebrew tribal culture from which it arose. There are still some valid teachings to be found, but it's hardly infallible. And much is totally irrelevant to life in the 21st Century.

I'm not a Christian believer, but I think that if there really is a God, we serve Him by how we live our lives and how we treat others. If you do that, I'd say you're a far better Christian than most. You were born the way you are, and you just give other people power over you if you allow them to define you.

"This above all: to thine own self be true..." ---Hamlet, Act I

 

[wanderingone]

I'm assuming that was a joke??

No - that's what some Christians believe is the appropriate response to "SSA" (same sex attraction)

I think that the way one handles their romantic and sexual inclinations is a personal topic between the individual and God (if they happen to be a believer)

 

[wanderingone]

Yeah, I've never really had a crush on a guy, either...and I'm 25. Didn't date in junior hight or h.s., didn't have a prom date and only dated 1 person in college (a chick...for like 3yrs). BUT, I'm always told, "...you just haven't met the right one!" So, part of me wonders, "Hhhhmmm....maybe that's true and maybe I haven't met the right one." and another part of me thinks, "Uuummm...fat chances!"

I don't believe that someone who is "straight" or "gay" will suddenly meet the "right" person and find their orientation magically transformed. I think someone who falls someone in between on a spectrum of orientation between the 2 may find themselves attracted as some point to a gender they never found themselves attracted to before, but for the most part I believe adults who have not forced themselves or been forced into acting out roles that aren't true to their orientation aren't confused about who they are attracted to.

I see no sound reason to believe God would find any loving relationship that is not abusive or manipulative offensive.