feeling sad

[kitty1]

I said "perceived safety" because the OP was vague. I don't know how unsafe you feel, so that is a subjective (perceived) dynamic. And I said "might be acting" for the same reason....we don't have any idea of how he IS acting to you. If you ask really vague questions, you're going to get really vague answers - or you're going to get a lot of people reading things into it that are not there.

Iow, I could assume on your first post that he slapped you on the arm one time and it did not even leave a mark. If you think that is a safety issue, then it is perceived, where I might think it rude, but not a safety issue. And yeah, he might be doing that or he might have beaten you silly.

I was trying to show compassion in what might not be a safe situation, anddefend you against AL's comments. But if you want to fuss about that, I can certainly take my leave.

my questions are not vague at all I just do not need to detail anything at all. I said I was hurting and he was aggressive YOU CAN PERCEIVE wht you likem I didnt say that I felt UNSAFE and I prefer not to call the police if I was harmed to extremes I would leave and pray that he would be saved as God died for our salvation the police would not do this.
, agression can be verbal you know. you havnt not read into what I said only what you perceived. Its ok now I found my answers from my bible

 

[kitty1]

I think you're making an assumption that he has never done this before.

I'm a little confused. You are studying to be a lawyer. Yet you don't think police should be called when a woman has been physically violated and assaulted by her husband? Do you think calling police is more damaging than the original assault, or not calling the police which will set a precedent that it's okay for him to hit her and she won't call? Where does a woman draw the line and finally make that call?

Would you say the same thing if it were a parent hitting a child? Or a child hitting a parent? Or a friend hitting a friend, or a stranger hitting a stranger? Hitting and mishandling are assaults. Period. Against the law. In fact, where I live, if you even touch someone against their will, it is considered an assault and is grounds for arrest.

HEY THIS HAS GONE TO FAR just because I asked for some support
everyone has perceived things and now sharing opinions amoungst each other this is not a CHRISTIAN THING TO DO. this is why also I have not been explicit in all detail because I do not know you personally. I also do not believe or think of the who is wrong who is right in the relationship. Its that both of us need support in one way or another.and if you are a christian person you would understand. I was not asking for Counselling so why did you both making any comments

 

[kitty1]

Maybe I wrote that poorly add me to revise my statement.

What I am saying is that let's say it isn't abuse. Let's say she calls the police because she believes that "rolling eyes," for example is seen as aggressive and the police arrive. They tell him he can either leave or be charged with domestic violence due to the fact there was no noticeable damage. He refuses as he should and is arrested for domestic disturbance or other related crimes. That man is now in a situation that rolling his eyes doesn't deserve.

I am a firm believer in if you get hit call the police. If my wife hit's me she is going to jail, man or woman, friend or foe people should not go around hitting each other let's be clear on that. However the accusation of a possibility of physical assault is very serious particularly when it is a husband harming a wife. The reason being if the accusation is false it doesn't just disappear it changes one's out look on certain situations.

Also I am not making an assumption I am simple saying that more information is needed in order to give any sort of advice due to the extreme differences are possible using hypothetical situations to demonstrate those possibilities.

Hey just a minute did I say that the police needed to be called did I say that I was physically assulted agression can also be verbal and very hurtful this is what I said. Are we not all christian on this site? do you all believe that God is our saviour. Its ok now I am not suffering as I surrended my problems to my lord though his word. though all I wanted was a little comfort in posting to this site.

 

[kitty1]

Maybe I wrote that poorly add me to revise my statement.

What I am saying is that let's say it isn't abuse. Let's say she calls the police because she believes that "rolling eyes," for example is seen as aggressive and the police arrive. They tell him he can either leave or be charged with domestic violence due to the fact there was no noticeable damage. He refuses as he should and is arrested for domestic disturbance or other related crimes. That man is now in a situation that rolling his eyes doesn't deserve.

I am a firm believer in if you get hit call the police. If my wife hit's me she is going to jail, man or woman, friend or foe people should not go around hitting each other let's be clear on that. However the accusation of a possibility of physical assault is very serious particularly when it is a husband harming a wife. The reason being if the accusation is false it doesn't just disappear it changes one's out look on certain situations.

Also I am not making an assumption I am simple saying that more information is needed in order to give any sort of advice due to the extreme differences are possible using hypothetical situations to demonstrate those possibilities.

I know you are asking for more information though let me advise you that this site and my comment is not for legal and or counselling it is for a little bit of christian support. Get off the ban wagon.

 

[kitty1]

I think she cleared up the question of physical abuse on post #12 .

Bless you for understanding of what I had to say. so many people assuming and writing comments I think this is the problem in society and trust is changingin the world. so sad

 

[kitty1]

Tense huh? I am utterly lost?

I can see you are very tense to make such a comment and in post #36 seems to me that you do have a problem with women. I was not asking for counselling or legal advise and you have tried to use your manipulative thoughts to your own beliefs. I do not know anyone on this site personally. tHIS IS A CHRISTIAN SITE and I found my answers through the bible and God didnt shame me. A few of you have argued my point My post wasnt about you or the other person. I wrote up for me. though all I hear and read is about your own difficulties

God bless

 

[Just4Jesus]

I have been hurt emotionally by hurtful words from my husband I approached him to let him know it was unacceptable and it hurt me I received a cold response like he has no remorse for his actions he became aggressive and handled me wrongly. though he made reason in his own mind, of his frustration that turned aggressive. I feel unrespected. Three days later he still chooses not to acknowledge that I am hurt by his actions. This is creating so much tension and distance between us. I cannot continue to have him thinking that I will accept his behaviour I know he is waiting for me again to act like everything is ok. I know I should forgive, I always do though this time I feel confused. Could you please just be there for me I am so sad. I surrendered to my God. though do I continue to surrender to my husband I am not receiving comfort and respect in this relationship and feeling so empty. He doesnt seem to understand how I am feeling or chooses to ignore me.

I'm so sorry

 

[kitty1]

Either way the assumption has a way of being incorrect causing damage.

Let's say husband rolls eyes and she does call the police because she views that as aggression and explains it to the police in a similar way and it ends in his arrest for rolling eyes. That still will result in considerable damage not just to said person but also the marriage.

The best thing to do is not offer advice on topics that are certainly not explained especially with such polar opposites that are possible.

In my opinion both are equally wrong.

WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE THIS IS NOT A LEGAL SITE IT IS A CHRISTIAN SITE

 

[kitty1]

I'm so sorry

thankyou Christian sister

 

[Avniel]

HEY THIS HAS GONE TO FAR just because I asked for some support
everyone has perceived things and now sharing opinions amoungst each other this is not a CHRISTIAN THING TO DO. this is why also I have not been explicit in all detail because I do not know you personally. I also do not believe or think of the who is wrong who is right in the relationship. Its that both of us need support in one way or another.and if you are a christian person you would understand. I was not asking for Counselling so why did you both making any comments

1) This a forum that is the reason for a forum to share opinions and different perspectives to widen ones horizons and learn how other's think. Have you ever watched a forum on tv?

2) I have never made an assumption nor did valley what she said was if and that you should. No matter if she was wrong or right, she took her time out of her day to tell you how to protect yourself because she didn't want you to go through what she did. I might disagree with her and think she needed more information before stating such but her action was out of love and therefore the most Christian thing to do. For you to say anything but 'no he's not hitting me but thank you so much for your concern" and then to bring up Christianity is hypocrisy.

3) You may not think about who is wrong and who is right, however there are situations where one person is wrong. For example someone leaves your car light on and you believe it was your husband you tell him about leaving the car light on but he didn't it was a friend or neighbor or a robber or even an electrical problem....would you be the wrong party or is your husband partly to blame?

4) In a relationship most times people sit around blaming the other person. Similar to how people read the bible and always point outward instead inward. The key isn't to look to see where another person is equally as wrong as you so there is someone to share the blame with but to have a mirror and examine your on personal actions. Don't worry about how wrong he is, or what he has done to equal your wrong.

5) You started a thread in my opinion expecting or wanting a pity party. That is not love, love rejoices in the truth and I as christian can't support you in your wrong. So how then can I support you or not support you with this situation if I don't know if you are wrong or right? I can't support you in your sin.

6) I don't even understand what you mean you need support and he needs support. How can we support you and we don't know your situation?

Last post I just find the insults and the things you said about valley particularly rude because she wasn't just posting because she is bored like others she took the time to actually care about your safety the least you could do with that is be appreciative. Instead of spitting in her face....shame.

 

[ValleyGal]

Kitty, people here are trying to support you. Even me. You specified in your OP that he "handled you wrongly". When I think of someone "handling" someone else, I think of them putting their hands on them in an unwelcome way. I was trying to defend you, and that is supportive.

Forums have a lot of people with a lot of different perceptions. I do not know you or your situation, and the OP was vague "handled you wrongly" is vague. It is easy to see how it could be mistaken for physical handling.

Avniel is not offering any legal advice and no one offered you counsel beyond what one friend would say to another. I'm sorry you took that in a way that caused you to react defensively, but the people here are offering support. Avniel shared his own experience to show that he empathizes with you and understands how much it can hurt in marriage when one spouse says unkind things to another. Again, supportive.

Anyway, I apologize if this was disappointing to you. We are Christians here, and we care about other people and their marriages.

 

[Avniel]

WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE THIS IS NOT A LEGAL SITE IT IS A CHRISTIAN SITE

Oh so its judgmental to state that rolling your eyes maybe rude however it isn't aggression that is judging now? I am done good evening best of wishes with your situation. Word of advice tune down the attitude.

 

[Avniel]

Kitty, people here are trying to support you. Even me. You specified in your OP that he "handled you wrongly". When I think of someone "handling" someone else, I think of them putting their hands on them in an unwelcome way. I was trying to defend you, and that is supportive.

Forums have a lot of people with a lot of different perceptions. I do not know you or your situation, and the OP was vague "handled you wrongly" is vague. It is easy to see how it could be mistaken for physical handling.

Avniel is not offering any legal advice and no one offered you counsel beyond what one friend would say to another. I'm sorry you took that in a way that caused you to react defensively, but the people here are offering support. Avniel shared his own experience to show that he empathizes with you and understands how much it can hurt in marriage when one spouse says unkind things to another. Again, supportive.

Anyway, I apologize if this was disappointing to you. We are Christians here, and we care about other people and their marriages.

Sometimes we as Christians need to learn not to apologize for the truth, that's not love Valley. You showed her nothing but love and for her to respond like that to you is unscrupulous. Please edit the apology out please you did nothing wrong. People need to get used to hearing the truth out of love.

 

[ValleyGal]

It's okay, Av. I'm not apologizing for what I said. I really am sorry that she took it as a mean-spirited insult, though. It is far from what I intended, and I'm sorry my intent was totally lost on her. I'm a little taken aback by such a strong response to those who tried to defend her.

We all have our hurts in life, and we can all choose how to respond to them. Sometimes I get it that people are overwhelmed and if they are in a situation where they are always belittled or put down, that is what they start expecting from everyone. I don't know, but perhaps that is the mindframe of the OP. I hope and pray that she will find peace in her heart, and trust that support is support, not an attack.

ETA, thank you, btw, for defending me. You are correct when you said I did it out of concern, and I am relieved that her safety is not compromised. Again, it was my own frame of reference, based on my own past hurts....

 

[kitty1]

1) This a forum that is the reason for a forum to share opinions and different perspectives to widen ones horizons and learn how other's think. Have you ever watched a forum on tv?

2) I have never made an assumption nor did valley what she said was if and that you should. No matter if she was wrong or right, she took her time out of her day to tell you how to protect yourself because she didn't want you to go through what she did. I might disagree with her and think she needed more information before stating such but her action was out of love and therefore the most Christian thing to do. For you to say anything but 'no he's not hitting me but thank you so much for your concern" and then to bring up Christianity is hypocrisy.

3) You may not think about who is wrong and who is right, however there are situations where one person is wrong. For example someone leaves your car light on and you believe it was your husband you tell him about leaving the car light on but he didn't it was a friend or neighbor or a robber or even an electrical problem....would you be the wrong party or is your husband partly to blame?

4) In a relationship most times people sit around blaming the other person. Similar to how people read the bible and always point outward instead inward. The key isn't to look to see where another person is equally as wrong as you so there is someone to share the blame with but to have a mirror and examine your on personal actions. Don't worry about how wrong he is, or what he has done to equal your wrong.

5) You started a thread in my opinion expecting or wanting a pity party. That is not love, love rejoices in the truth and I as christian can't support you in your wrong. So how then can I support you or not support you with this situation if I don't know if you are wrong or right? I can't support you in your sin.

6) I don't even understand what you mean you need support and he needs support. How can we support you and we don't know your situation?

Last post I just find the insults and the things you said about valley particularly rude because she wasn't just posting because she is bored like others she took the time to actually care about your safety the least you could do with that is be appreciative. Instead of spitting in her face....shame.

You have problems in understanding I feel I would never every shame people I had made a comment of safety was not and issue in my first post. You are being so rude and hurtful to write such a thing. If you do care go back to my first post and disect it as you have above. I have not insulted anyone you have insulted me with your opinions and your past history in your relationships. this was not about you. if you have any understanding of the english language a lot of comments came from PERCEPTION and I see this is your problem read between the lines in my first post and you may become a nicer person DO NOT COMMENT ON MY SITE AGAIN AS YOU HAVE UPSET ME WITH VERY NASTY INDEED YOUR FUTURE COMMENTS WILL BE DELETED
I have been to counselling as a responsible person. I approached my husband assertively with something he had said and done to me that I still feel very hurt about no one needs to know what actually happened I am just saying the way I FEEL. and am lost due to his ignorance of it. why do I bother commenting back to you. maybe a little more teaching that you may need to listen before commenting.


you very rude person go back and disect my first post. to say that I sinned and to say that I wanted a pity person SHAME ON YOU shame on you

 

[Avniel]

I can see you are very tense to make such a comment and in post #36 seems to me that you do have a problem with women. I was not asking for counselling or legal advise and you have tried to use your manipulative thoughts to your own beliefs. I do not know anyone on this site personally. tHIS IS A CHRISTIAN SITE and I found my answers through the bible and God didnt shame me. A few of you have argued my point My post wasnt about you or the other person. I wrote up for me. though all I hear and read is about your own difficulties

God bless

Problem with women? I have a daughter that's my world, I married the girl of my dreams. If you didn't catch the situation I cited, I was upset because I would never do anything to harm my wife. When I got married I didn't have anything, I didn't even have a college degree. My wife helped me start my own business, she taught me how to spend, she brought the most precious gifts God has ever given me. HUH? My mentor is a female attorney.........My grandauntie was in politics in jamaica and she had her toe cut off for what she believed. My grandma was the first Jamaican woman to live in an all Italian community in the bronx and she was treated horrible, she was the first person in my family to move to america.

I was surrounded my entire life by strong women and men strong men that supported them looked up to and even admired their wives.

Your assumption can leave you astray.

I don't particularly get close with women that have been through certain situations because it plays out with their image of men. Similar I don't get close to particular men and women that have been through certain situations and they feel a certain way towards black men.

 

[kitty1]

Problem with women? I have a daughter that's my world, I married the girl of my dreams. If you didn't catch the situation I cited, I was upset because I would never do anything to harm my wife. When I got married I didn't have anything, I didn't even have a college degree. My wife helped me start my own business, she taught me how to spend, she brought the most precious gifts God has ever given me. HUH? My mentor is a female attorney.........My grandauntie was in politics in jamaica and she had her toe cut off for what she believed. My grandma was the first Jamaican woman to live in an all Italian community in the bronx and she was treated horrible, she was the first person in my family to move to america.

I was surrounded my entire life by strong women and men strong men that supported them looked up to and even admired their wives.

Your assumption can leave you astray.

I don't particularly get close with women that have been through certain situations because it plays out with their image of men. Similar I don't get close to particular men and women that have been through certain situations and they feel a certain way towards black men.

I am so sadden and sorry if I offended you though I didnt know your story. I was defensive toward my own story. you had made comments towards me that were so incorrect. if you wish to disect my post go back to the first post

 

[Avniel]

You have problems in understanding I feel I would never every shame people I had made a comment of safety was not and issue in my first post. You are being so rude and hurtful to write such a thing. If you do care go back to my first post and disect it as you have above. I have not insulted anyone you have insulted me with your opinions and your past history in your relationships. this was not about you. if you have any understanding of the english language a lot of comments came from PERCEPTION and I see this is your problem read between the lines in my first post and you may become a nicer person DO NOT COMMENT ON MY SITE AGAIN AS YOU HAVE UPSET ME WITH VERY NASTY INDEED YOUR FUTURE COMMENTS WILL BE DELETED
I have been to counselling as a responsible person. I approached my husband assertively with something he had said and done to me that I still feel very hurt about no one needs to know what actually happened I am just saying the way I FEEL. and am lost due to his ignorance of it. why do I bother commenting back to you. maybe a little more teaching that you may need to listen before commenting.

I can not and will not listen to a victimized attitude. You started personalizing things I used an example to explain the damages someone can do to a person by making those accusations......Do you not understand that? However in your thirst for attention all you noticed that I was talking about something other then you and you couldn't deal with that. You are entirely to self centered and then speak of Christianity.

"Dissecting" your first post what I noticed was someone saying "feel sorry for me don't give me advice just support me." It is totally vague, it leaves no room for conversations just enough for people to feel sorry for you. I am very sorry I don't you are a grown woman.

Maybe what you need is a little more counseling because ahhhhhh clearly something is off waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off.

I offended you because I brought up a personal example to explain why you shouldn't jump to conclusions that someone's husband is hitting them....didn't you say the same thing so that personal response offended you?

Grow up

 

[kitty1]

Kitty, people here are trying to support you. Even me. You specified in your OP that he "handled you wrongly". When I think of someone "handling" someone else, I think of them putting their hands on them in an unwelcome way. I was trying to defend you, and that is supportive.

Forums have a lot of people with a lot of different perceptions. I do not know you or your situation, and the OP was vague "handled you wrongly" is vague. It is easy to see how it could be mistaken for physical handling.

Avniel is not offering any legal advice and no one offered you counsel beyond what one friend would say to another. I'm sorry you took that in a way that caused you to react defensively, but the people here are offering support. Avniel shared his own experience to show that he empathizes with you and understands how much it can hurt in marriage when one spouse says unkind things to another. Again, supportive.

Anyway, I apologize if this was disappointing to you. We are Christians here, and we care about other people and their marriages.

i would say go back and read to understand what has been said NOT SUPPORTIVE AT ALL and unchristian according to my bible.

 

[kitty1]

I can not and will not listen to a victimized attitude. You started personalizing things I used an example to explain the damages someone can do to a person by making those accusations......Do you not understand that? However in your thirst for attention all you noticed that I was talking about something other then you and you couldn't deal with that. You are entirely to self centered and then speak of Christianity.

"Dissecting" your first post what I noticed was someone saying "feel sorry for me don't give me advice just support me." It is totally vague, it leaves no room for conversations just enough for people to feel sorry for you. I am very sorry I don't you are a grown woman.

Maybe what you need is a little more counseling because ahhhhhh clearly something is off waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off.

I offended you because I brought up a personal example to explain why you shouldn't jump to conclusions that someone's husband is hitting them....didn't you say the same thing so that personal response offended you?

Grow up

I FELT YOUR IGNORANCE TO MY SITUATION AND YOUR PERSONALITY IN YOUR FIRST COMMENT TOWARDS ME AND THIS POST FROM YOU HAS PROVEN ME TO BE RIGHT. though I do forgive because i feel there is a mixed up person in the FLESH. continue to be kind to people AMEN