feeling low

[luv4godremains]

hey guys,
I'm feeling really low toay,
probably cos I have to go to my friend's memorial service today,
but, I dunno, I just wnana leave this place, or curl up in a little ball,
I don't know what to do right now,
I just feel soo lost.
please pray for me, or any advice as to how to even temporarily make me feel better, I will be seeing someone soon, well, it's meant to be soon, but, I dunno how long it's gonna take now. please,

 

[heron]

Oh, how sad! A friend of yours died?

 

[pockleberry]

hun sending massive ur way from me and my new little kitten...i'm praying for you x

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks Suse.

heron, she died in the summer, but, yer, it still really hurts, still doesn't seem real, kinda does a little now, knowing that everyone there is missing here too, and knowing that she anit coming back, it just hurts, and I feel soo bad, I just can't take this, I just need to get out, away from all of this!

 

[heron]

that's horrible. We've had lots of teen deaths around here; it's far too many. Did a lot of kids show up for the funeral service?

 

[Intrepidman]

thanks Suse.

heron, she died in the summer, but, yer, it still really hurts, still doesn't seem real, kinda does a little now, knowing that everyone there is missing here too, and knowing that she anit coming back, it just hurts, and I feel soo bad, I just can't take this, I just need to get out, away from all of this!

Are you sad usually, and this made it worse? I'm concerned 'cause this sounds really bad. I know that feeling, where I just want to sleep all the time because that's the only time when the pain stops.

If you wanna talk privately PM me, if not, that's cool too.

 

[heron]

The physical reactions are normal, it's okay to feel bad for awhile--allow yourself to share in the mourning and support the other friends. Losing someone gives us a realistic perspective on life...time is short, use it well and all. Your friend is dear and precious.

 

[ceedaisy]

Big hugs to you. Don't keep your feelings bottled up. Your feelings are valid and not wrong. Can you talk to your parents? Or someone at school? Hang in there and remember that God has your friend!

(((HUGGIES)))

 

[luv4godremains]

hey guys,

Intrepidman - I suffer from depression and am waiting "help" that my docter referred me to. so, yer, I do often feel like this, but losing her has only made things worse, and I can't seem to pick myself back up again yet like I managed to with my other friends.

heron - we have also had a lot of teen deaths over the past few years, I mean, we could have had more, but there are 4 that I know of in the past 3 years, 3 of which I knew, 1 in 2003, 1 in 2004, and 1 this year.

ceedaisy - mum is out at work often, which is ok cos she's a single parent, I understand, we need the money to live, we are strugglnig badly so she doesn' have a choice, and I don't want to put the extra pressure on her, I can't talk to her anyway cos I find it really hard to trust her. I would talk to friends at school, but, well, I kinda don't really have any, I mean, I have a few, but they aren't really people I can talk to! and there are only like 2 in my year as it is, that's out of like 89 people or something I can't talk to teachers or the councellor, don't trust them either. I know I should be able to, but I can't!

 

[ceedaisy]

Well, we are here for you if you want. It is okay to not trust some people, but if you get in the habit of trusting no one, no good will ever get in. Sometimes we have to take a few bangs to get that once in a lifetime friendship or love. Just keep bloggin away and chatting away when you feel the need. And if you feel like crying, go ahead. Nothing bad in that except maybe a couple of puffy eyes! Praying that Jesus will lift your spirits!

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks ceedaisy, I know it's not good to not trust anyone, but it really scares me, there are reasons for it, and I'm trying to work through it, but it's soo hard, especially trying to work thruogh it on my own! takes soo much energy, energy that I haven't got right now!

 

[heron]

"there are reasons for it, and I'm trying to work through it, but it's soo hard, especially trying to work through it on my own! ...takes soo much energy, energy that I haven't got right now!"

You'll know who to trust, don't worry. Sometimes those the least involved can see it from your perspective, without feeling hurt when you try to explain yourself.

Like Ceedaisy said, we're all here...and you can always PM when you don't want your life concerns broadcast.

You knew 3 of the 4! You deserve to be feeling down.

 

[luv4godremains]

lol, thnaks heron, and, well, it has been 3 years!
lol
thanks guys!

 

[whitedove7]

I'm so sorry you lost your friend and that is a great loss. Have you grieved over the loss? When we don't can cause depression. There is nothing wrong with grieving over a loss and that was a big loss and I'm so sorry you had this loss in your life. My condolence to you!

Again, you might need a good cry to release those trapped emotions.

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks whitedove7,
yer, I have grieved, but I can't pick myself back up for some reason, I just can't let go of her, I want to, I really do, she's in heaven now, and it does no one any good for me to keep holding on, and I wish I could say that it was her loss that caused the depression, (probably be a little easier to deal with) but it just made it worse. I don't really know what it was, probably some of the things that went on when I was little, I don't ever remember being a happy person to be honest, but over the past few years, it has just gotten soo much worse, before I could still live life normally, no matter how I felt, could still hide it, but now, I can't, I efel and seem dead to everyone. it just aint right!

 

[ceedaisy]

Luv, remember just take baby steps. The more you take control of your life, the better you will feel. And yes PM if it is something you don't want to broadcast! Good point, Heron.

Also, if you are 16, you have a lot of hormonal changes going on right now! And I mean ALOT. Even if you werent suffering from depression, you will still be feeling this rollercoaster ride with a lot of dips that tend to stay, well....dipped! I had a friend pass away at the end of 7th grade. They had idea why she died. She had high fever for a few days, and then her body started deteriating on the inside. She bloated up to over 200 lbs. They couldn't put clothes on her and she laid on a table that could weight her at all times. They pumped blood in her constantly, trying to flush her out. They had to take her stomach out and when they did her stomach fell in shreds in their hands. I had a real hard time with it. I can only imagine, what it would have done to me, during my teens when I was depressed constantly and did nothing but sleep in class and at home. Jesus knows your pain, and has counted your tears. He sits with you when you are in pain and anguish. You are a good person with much to give. Don't be hard on yourself and try to keep one foot in front of the other! You are our Sister in Christ and we love you!

 

[heron]

Wow, Ceedaisy, doesn't that sound like necrotizing fasciitis, e. bola, hanta virus? People never talked about those then. The weight gain must have come from kidney failure.

Anyway, back to mourning, it seems that when people close to us die, we get a different perspective on what life is, and sometimes take on a despair that we're going to die sometime, it probably will be soon.

Some of this is healthy, some normal, and some keeps us from functioning. Life these days is fast-paced and people expect you to keep up, but back in older civilizations, people mourned for ages. A year used to be considered standard, with a few phase-out years tacked on for good measure. Now people worry that you're "taking it so well" a few days after.

I agree about hormones and depression. In lows, it seems as though the feelings are always there. Think also of how friends depressed friends get when they lose a boyfriend--you have so much more reason to feel sad.

 

[luv4godremains]

I'm soo sorry Ceedaisy, that sounds horrible for you!

I spent 4 hours crying today! don't know if I can handle going back to school on monday, can't seem to get better, and I have my up and down days, my crying days, and my dead days, each suck just as much as the others, and school only seems to make it worse!

 

[heron]

Do other people at school miss her lots too?

 

[luv4godremains]

yer, we all do, I think I'm just extra sensitive though, and she reminded me of my best friend Judith, who died 3 years ago, had the same glow about her, the bubblyness when she wanted to be, and, man, she was really on fire for God and just always inspired me to keep walking with him, and everyone else who was a christian that was around her! she showed God's love to EVERYONE! soo much like Judith, makes me sad!