Feeling like a freak

[FlowerGirl18]

I was repeatedly verbally,physically, and emotionally abused as a child and a young teen. I don't remember a time in my home life when there was no domestic violence. It was all my father, then my stepfather, I was also sexually assaulted by my cousin. So... I don't know if that is why, but it made me a complete freak. I am a virgin, and the very idea of ever having sex terrifies me. It just sounds so scary. I do realize that sex is not meant to be violent or rough, as it was presented to me, that it is God's idea that there would be sex, but it still seems so scary to me. It sounds like something so violent and hurtful. I feel like I will never ever let anyone do this to me. I know I probably sound like a totally sicko to you, and I probably am, but I just don't know. Someone please help me... in any way, to stop having such freaky thoughts

 

[Catherineanne]

I was repeatedly verbally,physically, and emotionally abused as a child and a young teen. I don't remember a time in my home life when there was no domestic violence. It was all my father, then my stepfather, I was also sexually assaulted by my cousin. So... I don't know if that is why, but it made me a complete freak. I am a virgin, and the very idea of ever having sex terrifies me. It just sounds so scary. I do realize that sex is not meant to be violent or rough, as it was presented to me, that it is God's idea that there would be sex, but it still seems so scary to me. It sounds like something so violent and hurtful. I feel like I will never ever let anyone do this to me. I know I probably sound like a totally sicko to you, and I probably am, but I just don't know. Someone please help me... in any way, to stop having such freaky thoughts

You are not a sicko. You are a perfectly normal young lady who has been treated appallingly by people who should have known better.

You get to choose when and if you have sex, and who with. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it; it is as simple as that. One day you may meet someone and feel differently from how you feel today, but until then you get to choose, and if you choose to abstain then that is fine.

Your body belongs to you, and nobody else. You get to choose what happens to it, and nobody else. And after what has happened to you, you are right to want to avoid anything aggressive or violent; that makes perfect sense to me.

 

[angel jazz]

I feel this way to I've never enjoyed it and I've been told sex is between two people who love each other ment to be gental and loving never had that u r not a Sicko its normal to feel like that God can heal u from the way u feel and I feel and anyone who's been or still in this

 

[joey_downunder]

CatherineAnne said it perfectly.
Here is a very good website for abuse survivors like yourself. Help and healing for abuse survivors. Compassionate support for both genders

Have you ever seen a counsellor to discuss what you're going through?

 

[littleluna]

i am scared of s*x too. so i get it. you are not a freak. i have a friend who wasnt abused and she was scared of s*x too. we are all different.

 

[ACWaller]

A scar has been left by the demonic abuse of people who were supposed to be your family. Any man who ever claims to love you should wait as long as it takes for that scar to heal.

 

[Timahani]

Hey Flowergirl,

Thanks for sharing your story...yeah anytime abuse happens to a person they often disassociate and feel "wierd" in other words or not themselves. There is also a lot of fear left in association with the past abuse...Be patient with yourself and allow the Lord to heal you. I am certain when you fall in love "with the ONE" God has for you.....your soul will be at peace. Its all about time and healing....be patient....hugs.