heliumskylark
Active Member
AKB I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been in the same situation and it feels horrible.
One thing that I read somewhere and found helpful was that alcoholics don't drink alcohol because it quenches their thirst better than water does. (Bear with me, it is relevant!) I know your husband isn't an alcoholic but the principle applies here, too. Most people don't look at porn because it satisfies them sexually better than their spouse does. Some pixels on a screen - no matter how attractively they're arranged - don't provide your husband with a more fulfilling sexual experience than you do, as his flesh-and-blood wife. In terms of being "good enough", I promise they have nothing on you.
What they might provide him with is an escape from loneliness or depression that's requires no risk or vulnerability on his part. That was what drew my husband to porn - when he was lonely or feeling inadequate at work (or at home), porn allowed him to "feel like a man" without requiring him to expend the emotional energy to seek out a connection with me.
Photos on a computer aren't better than you; they're just easier.
Are you familiar with the book "The Five Languages of Apology?" It might speak to the disconnect between him thinking it's enough to just say sorry and you wanting more practical steps such as a web filter.
One thing that I read somewhere and found helpful was that alcoholics don't drink alcohol because it quenches their thirst better than water does. (Bear with me, it is relevant!) I know your husband isn't an alcoholic but the principle applies here, too. Most people don't look at porn because it satisfies them sexually better than their spouse does. Some pixels on a screen - no matter how attractively they're arranged - don't provide your husband with a more fulfilling sexual experience than you do, as his flesh-and-blood wife. In terms of being "good enough", I promise they have nothing on you.
What they might provide him with is an escape from loneliness or depression that's requires no risk or vulnerability on his part. That was what drew my husband to porn - when he was lonely or feeling inadequate at work (or at home), porn allowed him to "feel like a man" without requiring him to expend the emotional energy to seek out a connection with me.
Photos on a computer aren't better than you; they're just easier.
Are you familiar with the book "The Five Languages of Apology?" It might speak to the disconnect between him thinking it's enough to just say sorry and you wanting more practical steps such as a web filter.
Upvote
0
