Beauty is basic geometry and empty in itself. (Shapes and Mathematics - Golden Ratio etc if you get curious)
One must see things for their proper purpose.
Once pornography turns tools into toys then it becomes a game of competition between proportions and geometrical configuration.
It becomes a permanent car shopping extravaganza and the relationship is with people's bodies (or imaginations thereof) rather than another person. (a living Soul)
Car shopping is picking the one that is new, shiny, "not used," geometrically appealing, powerful, pleasure for purchase.
Relationships are not built on this, and Jesus shows us this in that we have done nothing right and have nothing to offer Him, but He died for us anyway showing LOVE. (1 Corinthians 13)
Until he sees other women for the old wrinkly women they will become, or the back-stabbing heartless people they likely are, and isn't looking at their outer shell, but is rather using his mind to focus on the more permanent details of the facts... Then he will stay distracted by the new car look, the fact that it isn't in his garage, and they are advertising it so nicely. Novelty is also an addiction caused by pornography.. (New things... new carnival ride, have not tried. Hidden secret, forbidden=rare=high value, suddenly revealed.. peekaboo syndrome)
They are souls. A man must see women as people. A daughter of another man. A daughter of another woman. They have a mother, a father, a brother, a sister... a family. They are someone's baby, their child. They have a heart, dreams, fears, thoughts, likes, dislikes, flaws, a future, and a Father in Heaven that created them in Love to give them life and a purpose. That purpose is to be a son or daughter, not a toy for sexual attraction.
Sexuality and its desire must be focused through the lens of a relationship and the LOVE of that friendship between the two people to be healthy. Not focused on the parts of a body and the flesh hanging on the bones.
The experience of sex is one of devotion to each other, in that it is exclusively kept for only the other and that makes the relationship special.
If the relationship is with how something looks, it creates the competition you are in right now with other people and therefore the intimacy of "knowing" the other person (how well you know them - increases over time) is lost in the ocean of "new cars" on the market, when the person was suppose to have chosen a Soul to love, not a body to enjoy.
Sexuality is meant to be built into the friendship of marriage, and the love and special connection built therein.
The lust of geometry and flesh is a cause of many relationships being broken and it is a lie from Hell.
The biological rubber we inhabit wrapped around bones in the machines made by God are not meant to become idols for lust even though many of us have fallen into that trap.
These machines are as good as dust blowing in the wind and lusting after flesh is chasing after rainbows. It is a temporary pitiful experience of riding a sad ride that lasts no time and does no good, but rather destroys the potential of a great relationship that WILL last into eternity if treasured in one's heart instead.
They are vehicles for us to traverse life in and enjoy learning about God and experience life with another person if we get married.
The first thing we search for as children is friendship. Once we have a friendship, our quality of life is largely determined by what kind of friend we are and what kind of friend (or friends) we have.
The entirety of life is a lesson on this principle and sexuality is a destructive force when taken out of the realm of friendship and commitment and the giving of life and intimacy with one person exclusively.
The marriage is a promotion into a "new" kind of friendship with special privileges and exclusive rights the friends have given to each other in vows to one another.
This is a picture of how God is in His relationship with us, and Lord Jesus is the FAITHFUL one in the relationship, and we are all UNFAITHFUL (and learning from Him how to be Faithful and selfless and loving!).
Your worth is NOT in your geometry, nor proportions, nor how wrinkly or not wrinkly you are or get, or how much pleasure you can physically create.
It is in who you are in that Christ Jesus died for you on the cross and there and then God made a bold statement that the blood of God determines that you are priceless to Him and of infinite value because that is the price God paid for you.
Your identity and the Love of Christ taking the worst punishment to purchase you out of Hell because He LOVES you that much, is where your identity and your worth comes from first and foremost.
I am not here to judge a single soul ever, but I am here to tell you that while I understand your desire for approval from people horizontal in your life, the VERTICAL relationship is where you must get your approval from first to prevent being hurt by people in family or otherwise who are simply imperfect. Our approval must come from God in our Lord Jesus Christ and how He PROVED His undying love for us.
People do not mean to be broken, distracted, deceived, flawed, hurtful, or harmful, lost in sin and destroying things unintentionally. (God's children that is, there are those who are evil I'm not referring to here) They are living in, and grew up in a fallen world. We are all infected to some degree or another.
The full answer to everything in this particular situation? I do not have. I know our Father does though.
I can tell you my heart goes out to you as a brother, in that I have been on both sides of the situation you are in different ways.
Starting with establishing who you are in your identity and your worth in your heart in Christ and not letting anyone take your worth from you, you can move from there into prayer.
Romans 5:8 (BSB)
But God proves His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
I tell this to people all the time and it works on big situations as well as small concerns.. PUSH - Pray Until Something Happens
Pray, pray, and pray some more. Seek God and His presence and His answers and I assure you, if you do your part He will be there for you in this.
Lord Jesus will help you. What He will tell you I have no clue.
But He will not leave you alone in your situation and will absolutely help you.
You can bank on it.
