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Feeling Guilty

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ConcreteAngel

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Hi All

I'm really struggling with feeling guilty about talking about the past. I really feel like I'm doing the wrong thing and can't seem to get past that. Like every time I read something about abuse, talk to my psych or minister I get this overwhelming feeling of guilt...I want it to stop because I just make myself feel so sick. It just makes dealing with all the abuse stuff even harder cos I have to deal with the guilt too which I shouldn't feel but I do and I can't seem to stop it.

I would really value anyone's insight on this because it's really exhausting me
 
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BelindaP

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Feeling the guilt is perfectly understandable. That is one of the worst effects of the abuse. It makes you feel guilty about everything, not just the abuse.

Try to remember that righteous guilt is used by the Holy Spirit to bring you to repentance. Any other kind of guilt is a lie of the Devil.

When you are talking about your past, you are doing something that you need to do in order to heal. The Holy Spirit would not convict you for something that you truly need to to do. The Devil, on the other hand, would like to see you suffer forever. That's why he puts all those guilty thoughts into your head whenever you try to move forward from your past.

Unlike with your abusers, you have been given the power by God to rebuke the Devil when you start to feel guilty. You can actually say it out loud, "Get behind me, Satan. You have no business here." If you don't feel strong enough to do that, then God will do it for you. Just pray to Him to take away the guilty feelings.

Whatever you do, don't stop working through your feelings, especially here at CF. Your words, even those about your suffering, are a ministry to the rest of us. There are many who cannot yet express what you feel, and you do it for them. They receive the ministry of the responses, just as you do. When you respond to others' posts, you minister to them.

We love you, and God loves you.
 
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rocklife

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If you haven't done it already, just whenever you feel guilty, make sure you have asked God, and tell Him, "I am sorry I did that, please forgive me." Just tell Him about specific things when they come up in your mind that you feel bad about. I have done that, and it does seem to help us feel closer to God, to talk to Him about those things, even old sins. Then you know the air is clear and you are forgiven in Jesus (bible calls that confess and repent).

It is very healing, though, to talk things out appropriately.
 
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ConcreteAngel

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Thank you Rocklife.

Do you mean that I need to ask for forgiveness for feeling guilty? It's not that I'm actually doing anything wrong, I just feel like I am...like I'm betraying my parents for talking about the past. Should I be feeling guilty about that and asking for forgiveness?
 
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rocklife

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what I do, is I ask God, usually in a silent prayer, whenever I feel guilty, I just tell him, I am sorry I did that.

If you have already done that, then you don't have to do it again.

When you feel like you are betraying your parents? Are you discussing these things in front of them? Right to their face?

I don't share all my life with my parents, I was raped and they do not know that. My sister knows that, but not my parents. That is something beyond their capability of understanding, they kind of just consider I probably deserve it (they just grew up in that kind of harsh environment, I don't hold it against them).

my mom did feel like I was blaming her when I would discuss some of my past, but I was just talking. Then she told me later how guilty she felt and she apologized, which I accept. We do need to be careful in our sharing, to be sensitive about hurting other people too.

I don't know if I am making any sense anymore to you.

Maybe you should just continue in bible readings and prayers, and maybe something like bible on walkmen tapes. Surely they will help you in learning more. Bible really helps me most.
 
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rocklife

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and asking forgiveness, I am not sure how you mean. Some things we need only to ask God for forgiveness, somethings we cannot ask forgiveness from people, it is best left between us and God. Some we should try to repair with people, but we need wisdom.

If you really feel guilty, Jesus cleanses our conscience and takes away our guilt. I don't know about false guilt, if devil is lying to you, keep in bible readings, it will be easier to get past devil's lies. That's why I like bible on walkmen tapes so much, has really changed my thinking so much.
 
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ConcreteAngel

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No, I don't discuss it with them...they don't even acknowledge that what they did to me was abuse. I guess I feel guilty because I go and talk to my psych or minister about this stuff and then come home and pretend that everything is fine when it's not fine. What you say does make sense though...thank you!
 
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ConcreteAngel

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Thank you so much...your words are really comforting.
 
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Surviving

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Feeling guilty about the past is quite normal. I'm feeling a little guilt at the moment for a number of reasons:
*I am really angry towards my parents and cannot forgive them yet for not stopping the abuse (please note that it was not my parents who abused me!) I feel guilty because we should love our parents and not feel anger towards them. It is normal though to feel angry as I fel let down and betrayed by them when they should have protected me.
*I feel guilty because I should have said something. What was being done to me was very wrong. When I was asked by my mum if anything was happening, I said no...when I should have said yes. I was scared though and unsure of what was happening to me. I feel guilty though because I feel it is my faulty why I was abused.

There are probably other reasons why I feel guilty, but at the moment, I think that is it for now. Try not to worry though. You will work through it at your own pace and in God's time.
 
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shazabella

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Hey concrete angel,

there is so much guilt and bad stuff surrounded with talking about abuse because in society's eyes its a taboo topic. Its ok to talk about it and in talking about it there is a very large chance that you unknowingly might give someone else the right to give themselves permission to speak out about it. Silence is only keeping u bound up in other people's sin , so don't feel guilty when you speak out about it. You deserve the right to tell your story just as everyone else does and you above all deserve the right to heal

May god bless you always

- Shaz
 
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ConcreteAngel

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Thanks Shaz........it's like I know one thing in my head...that is, I shouldn't feel guilty...but my heart wont let me be free from the chains of guilt. I'm struggling terribly with anxiety because it's all just so consuming.

Hope things are getting better for you...have you finished your exams?...I PM'd you earlier anyway

Love ConcreteAngel
 
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ConcreteAngel

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Hi Girls,

I'm feeling so terrible...I just feel like I can't go out anywhere because i just feel awful and I hate myself so so much I'm just so pathethic...I should be able to have a good time but all I want to do is go home...i've just come home from a party......I just feel like i will never be able to feel normal. I feel so sick and I hate myself so much.
 
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ConcreteAngel

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BelindaP said:
Be patient with yourself. Life is hard right now, but it will get better. I promise.

While you didn't feel normal at the party, did you have any fun at all? Try to hold onto the good moments. They will help you through the bad.
Click to expand...
No, I didn't really enjoy any of it because the whole time I was looking for opportunities to get out of there. It was a hens night for one of my good friends and I wish so much that it was me who was getting married because then i could get out of home with no questions asked. That probably sounds completely stupid, but i'm really trapped in the position that i'm in at the moment. So, basically I never enjoy parties because as soon as I get there, I am planning my "escape"...I get so angry at myself. I was in tears before I got to my car last night and all the way home I was just praying that god would kill me. i get so hateful of myself whenever I go out anywhere so I kind of feel like i would be better off just to stay at home and pretend the world doesn't exist.
 
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ConcreteAngel

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rocklife

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Dear ConcreteAngel, I encourage you to spend time in the bible, New Testament. I find bible on walkmen tapes also helpful for me.

Jesus often spent time alone, in prayer. If you need time away from people, don't feel bad, and let yourself have some private time.

and I want to add from my earlier comment, I have forgiven my own parents for my bad childhood. And like I said, I can't share with them some things that have happened, and I know what its like sometimes we talk about so much deep things, but then we see these other people in our lives, and just can't share. Also, some things may do more harm than good to actually share.

I live with someone very difficult. God actually has me on a different sleep schedule for us to kind of have some space. It's been like this on and off for a long while. And it does help.

anyway, I just want to encourage you again, keep in bible. Jesus has many great blessings in His Word.
 
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