feeling depressed:-(

[Gnarwhal]

I needed a place to vent anonymously about how I've been feeling lately. So I just turned 23 this year and honestly feel like crud about myself. There are people at church my age who are already married seems like everyone at work is in a relationship and two girls engaged one my age and one younger than me. which to be honest on the inside I wish I could go a day of work without hearing about it. I've never had a boyfriend and I feel like if I at least had one at one time I would feel better about myself. I hate it. I stopped listening to a 'christian' radio station I used to like because it seemed like they talk more about marriage than God. Church I feel the same way. A guy who broke my heart I few years back is now married.on the outside I'm wearing a mask of being happy and okay but on the inside I'm so sad.:'(

Getting married young is a crap chute, and Christianity really distorts the value of marriage to young people. Frankly I don't think any Millennials under 25 have any concept of marriage. Speaking as someone who got engaged at 21, married at 22 and divorced at 26, a person might think they know enough about themselves, life and marriage to dive in while they're in their early 20's but dollars to doughnuts: they're mistaken. Some make it through, others don't.

Personally I say you're better off single at your age. If you've gone to college then take an opportunity to travel and/or develop your career. If you haven't gone to college may consider ways that you can work on self-improvement (whether it's through a college education or some other means). Maybe work on networking with people and cultivating meaningful friendships - Lord knows when young people get married they fall off the face of the Earth and their friendships whither.

Rather than looking this as a bad thing, try seeing it as an opportunity - a good thing. The healthiest marriages I've ever seen have all been marriages where the youngest person in the relationship was at least 25 when they got married. Research shows a persons brain doesn't even finish developing until age 25, meaning a person isn't fully developed and we don't have a full concept of our identity until age 25... what makes us think we're ready for marriage before that's done? A lot changes in our 20's, about ourselves, about our families, about our life goals, about our education and career paths. It's best to work on ourselves so that we can be the best possible version of ourselves for when we do eventually marry.

 

[sundewgrower]

I do agree about your brain not being fully developed until our'e 25.
However, if you prescribe to the dominant millennial culture and you're "different" than earlier might work.
I do find women who are 22 to be awfully young in some ways (ei few carry the maturity and stability at that age) although personally I hope to be in a relationship before I'm 25 although I'll be 24 soon enough...

 

[redblue22]

To be honest I feel really bad about myself when I see other people who got married at my age. I know we shouldn't compare ourselves but I can't help but feel this way:-( someone on here ,probably meant well, said "some people just mature faster. " which I obviously took offense like what is tat supposed to mean Lol

I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick.

Most of what I've said and what has been said doesn't really matter. What matters is that right now you feel like others have something good and you would like that too. You feel bad about you and your life and not going that direction. Those are heavy feelings to carry. Everywhere seems to be a reminder. I feel bad that you are feeling so sad. But I think you have a good desire. You are ready. You want love and you have love to give, just like everyone else.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I found my first ever GF when I was 31. Now I am 32 and with my second ever GF. So I had dealt with long term singleness for well over a decade.

Looking back I can see that I wasn't ready for a relationship back then. I was immature both in life and my faith. And if I had a GF back then I would certainly have fallen into temptations. Even now, with all my biblical knowledge, it was a very tough constant fight against temptations.

So when I was single, God was in fact protecting me from pain and heartaches. And my GF did exist even when I was single. I just hasn't met her yet.

So do not worry! You are only 23. Your BF does exist. You just hasn't met him yet.

Instead in your time of singleness train yourself for the better. Grow in Christ. Read about how to resist temptations now, since once you get into a relationship it will be way too late to learn. etc.

And when you are ready, go to meetup.com and join a hobby group. Go online dating. etc. Meet more people and see what happens. When the time is right you will meet a BF. But remember that he might not be your husband. Your love must be for your future unseen husband. So fight the temptation until you are certain he is the one, on your wedding night.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Allow me to share two sermons with you on singleness. =)

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=3806201214

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=450595255

 

[lighthouse4031]

I needed a place to vent anonymously about how I've been feeling lately. So I just turned 23 this year and honestly feel like crud about myself. There are people at church my age who are already married seems like everyone at work is in a relationship and two girls engaged one my age and one younger than me. which to be honest on the inside I wish I could go a day of work without hearing about it. I've never had a boyfriend and I feel like if I at least had one at one time I would feel better about myself. I hate it. I stopped listening to a 'christian' radio station I used to like because it seemed like they talk more about marriage than God. Church I feel the same way. A guy who broke my heart I few years back is now married.on the outside I'm wearing a mask of being happy and okay but on the inside I'm so sad.:'(

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down As a male, I feel similarly. First thing I try to remember is that I can't let myself feel badly because of others lives and relationships. We're our own individuals and can't be measured by other's standards: At least that's what I tell myself. I'm confident you and God will work something out

 

[Sketcher]

I haven't had an actual girlfriend yet either, and most people my age are married and having kids. I hear about it all the time. My comforts in this are few:

- If I had gotten married before, chances are based on my temperament and where many of my co-workers (who have similar temperaments) are at, I'd be "single again" at this point - divorced or having had at least one live-in relationship that didn't work out. Better to remain single than have to go through that.

- I have value because God gives me value, not because of what society or evolution have to say about me (which doesn't seem to be much, as evidenced by where I'm at). Same thing with purpose.

- Kids might be a status symbol, but much more than that, they're a responsibility. I'd want any kids I have to have it better than I did growing up. I don't think I can provide that right now, which dampens the sense of urgency in that area. A lot.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

Thank you everyone so very much for all of your replies. I truly appreciate each and every one of you and reading all your comments honestly made me start to feel better today

 

[miss-a]

I needed a place to vent anonymously about how I've been feeling lately. So I just turned 23 this year and honestly feel like crud about myself. There are people at church my age who are already married seems like everyone at work is in a relationship and two girls engaged one my age and one younger than me. which to be honest on the inside I wish I could go a day of work without hearing about it. I've never had a boyfriend and I feel like if I at least had one at one time I would feel better about myself. I hate it. I stopped listening to a 'christian' radio station I used to like because it seemed like they talk more about marriage than God. Church I feel the same way. A guy who broke my heart I few years back is now married.on the outside I'm wearing a mask of being happy and okay but on the inside I'm so sad.:'(

God doesn't really make us to all be the same. We can never win when we compare ourselves. It's kind of like self abuse. God does not require that of you. He loves you and wants you to not carry this burden of comparing yourself. Here's a link from Andy Stanley's series, The Comparison Trap; http://www.bing.com/search?q=youtub...id=AE01236F6FC14518BE4ACA42D089F4C4&FORM=QBLH

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

Random thpught but I really wish society didn't worship marriage. Like seriously can't find even a movie about a single person who isn't portrayed as a loser. Just thought that also bugs me.

 

[redblue22]

That seems to be the thought you are surrounded with. It is like thinking of a number. If you think about it all the time, you'll see that number pop up all around you.

In other words, there are plenty of interested guys just as there are plenty of numbers.

 

[MehGuy]

I've been suffering through depression for the last several years. To make matters worse anxiety has been thrown into the mix for the last few years. Honestly sometimes I feel like it's eating inside my mind and will leave me permanently broken.

 

[lighthouse4031]

Random thpught but I really wish society didn't worship marriage. Like seriously can't find even a movie about a single person who isn't portrayed as a loser. Just thought that also bugs me.

How about Elsa in "Frozen" LoL.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

I've been suffering through depression for the last several years. To make matters worse anxiety has been thrown into the mix for the last few years. Honestly sometimes I feel like it's eating inside my mind and will leave me permanently broken.

It won't leave you broken, maybe not the same but never broken X

 

[Gnarwhal]

Random thpught but I really wish society didn't worship marriage. Like seriously can't find even a movie about a single person who isn't portrayed as a loser. Just thought that also bugs me.

Reality check: contemporary Christianity worships it just as much.

 

[lighthouse4031]

Probably because Contemporary Christians are part of society.

 

[Gnarwhal]

Probably because Contemporary Christians are part of society.

Maybe, maybe not.

I maintain that the fabric of the culture in the evangelical world has nearly built marriage into a golden calf. Many kids 18-23 are charging at the marriage door like a store opening on Black Friday. A lot of it's because the way youth groups and college groups are teaching about marriage translates to those kids as meaning the older adults think they're ready for it.

In either case, marriage is expressed in those circles as the ultimate ideal in life. Everything else is kind of small potatoes if you're not a married person. You could have an incredibly strong faith, be a dedicated worker in your career, be highly philanthropic in your church and your community, and yet... if you're not married you're almost a second-class citizen.

Luckily not all of Christianity is like that. There are some who see the value and virtue in a single life.

 

[lighthouse4031]

Maybe, maybe not.

I maintain that the fabric of the culture in the evangelical world has nearly built marriage into a golden calf. Many kids 18-23 are charging at the marriage door like a store opening on Black Friday. A lot of it's because the way youth groups and college groups are teaching about marriage translates to those kids as meaning the older adults think they're ready for it.

In either case, marriage is expressed in those circles as the ultimate ideal in life. Everything else is kind of small potatoes if you're not a married person. You could have an incredibly strong faith, be a dedicated worker in your career, be highly philanthropic in your church and your community, and yet... if you're not married you're almost a second-class citizen.

Luckily not all of Christianity is like that. There are some who see the value and virtue in a single life.

Something that came to my mind was that marriage in some parts of the world/cultures, takes place earlier on in life than here in the U.S. So relative to other places in the world, Americans don't get married too young (I just googled the statistics).

 

[Gnarwhal]

Something that came to my mind was that marriage in some parts of the world/cultures, takes place earlier on in life than here in the U.S. So relative to other places in the world, Americans don't get married too young (I just googled the statistics).

Yes. There's a pretty big disparity between the developing world and the developed world (e.g. in Tajikistan the average age is 24.3 but in the UK it's 31.5). In societies where those historic traditions are still carried over the median age might be lower, but in more established modern and post-modern societies it's likely to be higher.

 

[lighthouse4031]

Yes. There's a pretty big disparity between the developing world and the developed world (e.g. in Tajikistan the average age is 24.3 but in the UK it's 31.5). In societies where those historic traditions are still carried over the median age might be lower, but in more established modern and post-modern societies it's likely to be higher.

Yeah, I think it's interesting that in China the median age for marriage is 23 and in Sweden it's nearly 34!