Feeling crazy

[TULIPgirl]

Hi everybody,
Haven't been on here for a while because actually I've been doing pretty well this summer. Major stressors kicked in recently (moved into my own apartment, new job, etc.) and I've been having a bit of trouble. It just gets so frustrating sometimes!
Right now I'm so confused because the "flavor of the day" for OCD is this thought that if I move in a certain way or touch something without thinking about it first or bump into someone it might mean something bad (violence or sexual stuff, mostly). It's horrid because my brain is trying to think so hard all the time so that I can move "right" and sometimes I have to stop for a minute until I can move or touch something in the "right" way.
Haven't had this problem in quite a while. But what bothers me the most is that sometimes I touch something or move "wrong" (I hope this is making sense to some of you!) and I can't tell whether I did it on purpose! I just can't tell...and I can't stand it, because then I worry about whether I'm evil and I actually wanted something bad...I am not even sure whether this is making sense, but it upsets me a LOT. I'm always thinking "why didn't I stop myself from moving right then? Did I do that on purpose?"

 

[keryakos]

HI

This morning it was my shirt the black or the purple i could not find the black
i felt if i wore the purple it would affect a string of events and the descision to wear the purple could never be altered its nuts and the fact that you know its nuts means YOURE NOT CRAZY
I finally just said to hell with it im wearing the purple it still doesnt feel right but if i found thge black it wouldnt feel right OCD is often a damned if you do damned if you dont situation ..

The best thing you can do in these situations is what you r doing right now talk about it openly and then litlle by little force yourself to do the thing that is going to possible send you over the EDGE PROVIDED that it isnt anthing morally wrong or outright sin or would cause you harm if you did it .

I know exactly how you feel this stuffs bugs me like you cwouldnt believe
and ill be honest with you medication can help sometimes but i cant see myself popping pills everything i need choose between shirts ...

 

[annrobert]

Hi tulipgirl,
You are not crazy.You are not evil.
You are precious to Jesus your Saviour.

 

[TULIPgirl]

Thanks for your replies...I feel a bit better at the moment, and am able to ignore the silly questions in my head, at least for a little while. Talking about things really helps...even though I find it embarrassing sometimes to talk about the crazy things that I'm thinking...Keryakos, the thing you said about the shirts is the first thing about OCD that has made me giggle in a while; hope you understand, I know it drives you crazy like my thoughts do me, but it's just so exactly something that I would think too. Sometimes I look at what I'm thinking and just say "this makes no sense!"

 

[wiggsfly]

I know the feeling well. I've noticed my ticks pick up a bit as Fall classes have resumed. Never a fun thing. You're not alone though.