Feeling bleh..

[Macchiato]

I feel my relationship with God doesn't exist. I still have some anger towards him. I also feel like spiritually I'm a bit of a lost cause. I'm alone. I can't go to church ( no transportation) not going to church or being around believers for such a long time I feel has just made my fire for God die within me.

And made me resentful bc I didn't have a way to reach out.

Now I just don't feel like reading or even praying. I just think about God here and there. I feel I'm not interested in God nor do I care about what he wants me to do. I don't care to be used by God either. I realize I'm in q bad place but I genuinely don't care.

I remember for my birthday my aunt said she had a vision from God of me drawing or becoming a renown artist but I don't trust that. I also don't want that either

My love for art has really died.

Now I just want to do something important or make a difference. I want to be a nurse and I want to help people. I want to do something important with my time.

I feel like art, for me is very useless and I don't want to do it anymore.

When I envision my life I just see myself living a normal life, raising my kids and just clocking in and out everyday working as a nurse at someone's hospital.

I would be more than satisfied with that.

I don't want anything extra. I don't want fame or fortune.

I don't want to draw again.

I don't know how I feel about God currently. I feel apathetic I feel no desire for him. Like I said if I could just have what I listed above I'd be okay with life.

I want to do something important with my life and being a nurse of even medical assistant would do that for me.

Art would not. I also feel God doesn't have anything worthwhile for me to do either.

Idk I just feel frustrated with God.

I don't want to waste my time.

I want to do something important or significant.


I'm just rambling. I really am. Feel free to ignore me lol

Maybe I'll call a church hotline idk.

Edit: I feel when I think about it. I'm looking for purpose . I don't want to waste my time and I want whatever I do to have a lasting impact. I think that's what it is for me.

 

[Brother-Mike]

Sorry to hear Macchiato - maybe your idea of calling a church hotline is a good one, although I would personally wonder if their approach might be to try to fix the "God problem" rather than zooming out a bit (i.e. to me it sounds more broad than just spiritual).

I can only speak for myself when I've occasionally felt as you've described, so maybe none of these thoughts will help you, but what's your situation physically and with exercise? I would just find a nice park or trail somewhere and do some walking and doing everything you can to NOT think about God, or your art. Just walk. Don't think. If you have any experience with basic mindfulness meditation that might help too, even if for 10 minutes a day just to clear your head and disconnect a bit from what seems to be a bunch of clanging thoughts that you've described.

I know that some (many?) Christians are suspicious of any kind of meditation (or if they aren't they expect it to be intensely focused on God or a piece of scripture to ponder) but to me it's totally valid just to be peaceful in silence, letting your mind take a break from the echo. God's in that silence too, and not all conversations use words

 

[danielteberian]

I know what you are talking about, and I know how frustrating it can be. I want you to understand that what you are describing is not uncommon, and I want you to know that you are not alone.

When we cannot get to church, it does have a negative impact on our walk with Christ. However, there are many, many Christians in parts of the world who cannot attend church, yet they have an undying love for Christ.

The problem here is likely one with your heart. I don't mean to sound like I am attacking you. I wouldn't reply to you if I did not care about your soul, and about you as a person. I don't know you, but I am going to pray for you after I post this reply, and I want you to know that God sees that you are reaching out for help.

So, how can you build your faith without going to church? I would still try to get to church, but if you absolutely cannot get there, then here are some things to try:

1. Watch church online. I attend a church that livestreams its services every Sunday (three times, at 9:00, 10:45, and 12:30, respectively), replays the stream at 7PM that night, and replays it on Monday night (also at 7PM, I believe). The streams have a live chat where you can ask for prayer, talk to other members of the church, and speak to pastors. If you want, you could even call them and speak to a pastor about something you need help with and/or need prayer for. I can share the information about my church with you, but I would rather not publish it here. Send me a message if you are interested in attending my church online.

2. One of the things that really helped me when I was in your position was a certain feature on the YouVersion Bible app. Download the app, create an account, download your favorite version of the Bible (if you don't know which to use, I would recommend the ESV or the NLT), and find a verse in the Bible that speaks to you/your situation. Tap the verse, then tap the "related" button from the menu that pops up. From there, look at some of the things that other users have written about that verse. Find some people that say something that encourages you or helps you understand the passage, tap their image/name, and add them as a friend. You can have up to 250 friends (I believe), and each of these friends can see when you write notes, highlight verses, and make progress in Bible plans. If you want, you can create prayer requests, share them with these friends, and they can respond to your prayer request by commenting on it. You also get notifications when they pray, so that is always nice. I have met some of the most helpful Christians in my life through this application, and I have used it for more than a decade at this point.

3. Pray for God to help you in your faith. Talk to Him as you would talk to a person. Tell Him how you feel, tell Him how you want to feel close with Him again, and listen for His Voice. The Holy Spirit may identify something (or things) in your life that are preventing you from hearing more from God. If He does, get rid of those things as soon as possible. Ask God to work in your heart, to give you faith, to give strengthen you, and to guide you in your life. What you have described sounds a lot like what I went through when the devil was working in my life. The devil will use whatever sin is in your life to hold you back, to make you feel like you are alone, and to crush your faith. Do not let the devil win. Seek the Lord, resist the devil, and he will flee from you.


I hope you are blessed. God hears you, He sees you, and He has not forgotten about you. You are loved. I hope you are encouraged. If you need any advice, or if you need a friend, send me a message and we can talk about whatever you are going through.

 

[Leaf473]

Hi Macchiato, do you have a plan for becoming a nurse?

 

[Macchiato]

Sorry to hear Macchiato - maybe your idea of calling a church hotline is a good one, although I would personally wonder if their approach might be to try to fix the "God problem" rather than zooming out a bit (i.e. to me it sounds more broad than just spiritual).

I can only speak for myself when I've occasionally felt as you've described, so maybe none of these thoughts will help you, but what's your situation physically and with exercise? I would just find a nice park or trail somewhere and do some walking and doing everything you can to NOT think about God, or your art. Just walk. Don't think. If you have any experience with basic mindfulness meditation that might help too, even if for 10 minutes a day just to clear your head and disconnect a bit from what seems to be a bunch of clanging thoughts that you've described.

I know that some (many?) Christians are suspicious of any kind of meditation (or if they aren't they expect it to be intensely focused on God or a piece of scripture to ponder) but to me it's totally valid just to be peaceful in silence, letting your mind take a break from the echo. God's in that silence too, and not all conversations use words

I have anxiety. My mind goes a mile a minute thinking about what I should be doing, what I should've done, what I'm going to be doing... I can't turn my brain off. I need medication probably.

 

[Macchiato]

Hi Macchiato, do you have a plan for becoming a nurse?

I keep looking at schools.. but my kids are really too young for me to pursue. The clinical are 12hours like 6 to 6p. Daycare doesn't open until 6.30a. I don't have a strong support system so idk if I can pursue it.

 

[Macchiato]

I know what you are talking about, and I know how frustrating it can be. I want you to understand that what you are describing is not uncommon, and I want you to know that you are not alone.

When we cannot get to church, it does have a negative impact on our walk with Christ. However, there are many, many Christians in parts of the world who cannot attend church, yet they have an undying love for Christ.

The problem here is likely one with your heart. I don't mean to sound like I am attacking you. I wouldn't reply to you if I did not care about your soul, and about you as a person. I don't know you, but I am going to pray for you after I post this reply, and I want you to know that God sees that you are reaching out for help.

So, how can you build your faith without going to church? I would still try to get to church, but if you absolutely cannot get there, then here are some things to try:

1. Watch church online. I attend a church that livestreams its services every Sunday (three times, at 9:00, 10:45, and 12:30, respectively), replays the stream at 7PM that night, and replays it on Monday night (also at 7PM, I believe). The streams have a live chat where you can ask for prayer, talk to other members of the church, and speak to pastors. If you want, you could even call them and speak to a pastor about something you need help with and/or need prayer for. I can share the information about my church with you, but I would rather not publish it here. Send me a message if you are interested in attending my church online.

2. One of the things that really helped me when I was in your position was a certain feature on the YouVersion Bible app. Download the app, create an account, download your favorite version of the Bible (if you don't know which to use, I would recommend the ESV or the NLT), and find a verse in the Bible that speaks to you/your situation. Tap the verse, then tap the "related" button from the menu that pops up. From there, look at some of the things that other users have written about that verse. Find some people that say something that encourages you or helps you understand the passage, tap their image/name, and add them as a friend. You can have up to 250 friends (I believe), and each of these friends can see when you write notes, highlight verses, and make progress in Bible plans. If you want, you can create prayer requests, share them with these friends, and they can respond to your prayer request by commenting on it. You also get notifications when they pray, so that is always nice. I have met some of the most helpful Christians in my life through this application, and I have used it for more than a decade at this point.

3. Pray for God to help you in your faith. Talk to Him as you would talk to a person. Tell Him how you feel, tell Him how you want to feel close with Him again, and listen for His Voice. The Holy Spirit may identify something (or things) in your life that are preventing you from hearing more from God. If He does, get rid of those things as soon as possible. Ask God to work in your heart, to give you faith, to give strengthen you, and to guide you in your life. What you have described sounds a lot like what I went through when the devil was working in my life. The devil will use whatever sin is in your life to hold you back, to make you feel like you are alone, and to crush your faith. Do not let the devil win. Seek the Lord, resist the devil, and he will flee from you.


I hope you are blessed. God hears you, He sees you, and He has not forgotten about you. You are loved. I hope you are encouraged. If you need any advice, or if you need a friend, send me a message and we can talk about whatever you are going through.

Oh no you're fine. I know my heart is bad. The live church thing is a good option. I know it sounds weird to say but I don't even feel like talking to God bc I feel he doesn't understand or care to understand.

 

[Unqualified]

In my opinion, I think it would be good of you to serve your parents, cook, clean, take care of your kids while your there. Don’t be too quick to rebound. Take care of business there. Show them the love of Christ.

 

[Macchiato]

In my opinion, I think it would be good of you to serve your parents, cook, clean, take care of your kids while your there. Don’t be too quick to rebound. Take care of business there. Show them the love of Christ.

Rebound? I don't want love. I'm not looking for it.

 

[Leaf473]

I keep looking at schools.. but my kids are really too young for me to pursue. The clinical are 12hours like 6 to 6p. Daycare doesn't open until 6.30a. I don't have a strong support system so idk if I can pursue it.

Well, let's pray that things will work out

When your kids are growing up, it seems like it takes forever. But one day you turn around and boom! that phase is done.

I took a nurse's aide course many years ago, got a license for that. It wasn't difficult. That could be a way to get a start.

 

[danielteberian]

Oh no you're fine. I know my heart is bad. The live church thing is a good option. I know it sounds weird to say but I don't even feel like talking to God bc I feel he doesn't understand or care to understand.

I also know what that feels like. The most eye-opening part of the Bible (in terms of showing me that Jesus really knows what I have been through) is Matthew 26:38, where Jesus describes His Soul being grieved to the point of death. Read the first four books of the New Testament (the Gospels), and pay attention to the way Jesus experienced the emotions that we experience all the time. In fact, Jesus had it far worse than any of us will ever have it.

God does care, and I pray that your heart changes. The devil is using the pain in your heart to prevent you from knowing God. I went through the same thing, and I can tell you that there is a huge difference in the man I am now. I used to be depressed, addicted to watching inappropriate content, playing video games, and living a sinful lifestyle. I would lounge around, not want to read my Bible, not want to go to church, and not want to work on anything. I was underweight, I didn't sleep, my depression was horrible, and I was anxious about everything. It was not until God saved my life that I was able to see Him work in me. I am no longer the angry, sad person that I once was. I am optimistic, I am healthier than ever, I kicked the inappropriate content addiction, and I have made every moment of my life count. I am currently waiting for God to do some things that He has put on my heart/revealed to me. As I wait, I write about my faith, I pray for others, and I come onto these forums to help people like you.

I don't get anything from replying to you. I am replying to you because I care about you. I know that it seems like God does not care, but He does. Pray, ask Him to work in your heart, and tell Him how you feel. Seriously, tell Him exactly what you think (don't be disrespectful, but be honest). He hears you, and He will work in your life when you let Him.

I hope you find the joy that I have found in Christ.

 

[IceJad]

I feel my relationship with God doesn't exist. I still have some anger towards him. I also feel like spiritually I'm a bit of a lost cause. I'm alone. I can't go to church ( no transportation) not going to church or being around believers for such a long time I feel has just made my fire for God die within me.

And made me resentful bc I didn't have a way to reach out.

Now I just don't feel like reading or even praying. I just think about God here and there. I feel I'm not interested in God nor do I care about what he wants me to do. I don't care to be used by God either. I realize I'm in q bad place but I genuinely don't care.

I remember for my birthday my aunt said she had a vision from God of me drawing or becoming a renown artist but I don't trust that. I also don't want that either

My love for art has really died.

Now I just want to do something important or make a difference. I want to be a nurse and I want to help people. I want to do something important with my time.

I feel like art, for me is very useless and I don't want to do it anymore.

When I envision my life I just see myself living a normal life, raising my kids and just clocking in and out everyday working as a nurse at someone's hospital.

I would be more than satisfied with that.

I don't want anything extra. I don't want fame or fortune.

I don't want to draw again.

I don't know how I feel about God currently. I feel apathetic I feel no desire for him. Like I said if I could just have what I listed above I'd be okay with life.

I want to do something important with my life and being a nurse of even medical assistant would do that for me.

Art would not. I also feel God doesn't have anything worthwhile for me to do either.

Idk I just feel frustrated with God.

I don't want to waste my time.

I want to do something important or significant.


I'm just rambling. I really am. Feel free to ignore me lol

Maybe I'll call a church hotline idk.

Edit: I feel when I think about it. I'm looking for purpose . I don't want to waste my time and I want whatever I do to have a lasting impact. I think that's what it is for me.

Seems you have a lot on your chest you wanted to air out. Air them out, it will do you a world of good. Maybe you don't feel comfortable airing them all here (being the internet and all), regardless find a close person to hear you out.

You may view it as rambling, incoherent with the only tying thread is your relationship with God. I'm no mind reader and no psychologist, it feels like you're experiencing many irritable things in your life that compounded on what you deem as your directionless life. Take a few steps back to refocus on yourself.

Set small goals that can be done alone relatively easy. Need not be world changing. For myself I decided to go for morning hikes twice a month when I'm down in the runt some time back. Like you I find myself questioning life's directions. Everyone seems to have some expectations of me on top of my own unrealistic expectations.

That alone time hiking by myself allowed me to talk with God more and rediscover my own life desires. The goal of hiking eventually gave me more determination to other things. Slowly things built up and I was able to pull myself out of the hole I dug.

My heart and mood are more in balance now, prayers and thanksgiving come easier. My prayers are with you.

 

[Macchiato]

Seems you have a lot on your chest you wanted to air out. Air them out, it will do you a world of good. Maybe you don't feel comfortable airing them all here (being the internet and all), regardless find a close person to hear you out.

You may view it as rambling, incoherent with the only tying thread is your relationship with God. I'm no mind reader and no psychologist, it feels like you're experiencing many irritable things in your life that compounded on what you deem as your directionless life. Take a few steps back to refocus on yourself.

Set small goals that can be done alone relatively easy. Need not be world changing. For myself I decided to go for morning hikes twice a month when I'm down in the runt some time back. Like you I find myself questioning life's directions. Everyone seems to have some expectations of me on top of my own unrealistic expectations.

That alone time hiking by myself allowed me to talk with God more and rediscover my own life desires. The goal of hiking eventually gave me more determination to other things. Slowly things built up and I was able to pull myself out of the hole I dug.

My heart and mood are more in balance now, prayers and thanksgiving come easier. My prayers are with you.

I just feel trapped. We only have 1 car it goes every which way which means I can't work. I have to wait. So all I can do is drop my kids off at daycare then come back home to a darken house.

I have so many plans but I need support and help that b I don't get from my family.

Idk if my life will ever change.

It's very depressing.

 

[Leaf473]

I just feel trapped. We only have 1 car it goes every which way which means I can't work. I have to wait. So all I can do is drop my kids off at daycare then come back home to a darken house.

I have so many plans but I need support and help that b I don't get from my family.

Idk if my life will ever change.

It's very depressing.

I was just talking to a good friend earlier today who felt the same way. He has a lot of disabilities. None of them are big in themselves, but when you add them all up, it's hard for him to move beyond his apartment.