Feeling Awkward...(long...) :-/

[HolyOne87]

yesterday was my best friends installation as pastor at his parish(his parish is so beautiful). For those who might not know, my bestest friend ever is a priest I know.

Anyway, at his installation, I just kept feeling more awkward as it went on. I was happy to watch him get installed officially as pastor, but inside me I felt like I was breaking down. While he was consecrating the bread and wine, I couldn't help but to tear a little because I miss being able to work along side him during his masses. This time, I was just watching. That felt very different for me.

At the end of his installation, everyone went up to him. One can tell I was feeling weird just by my body language. When I got to my best friend, all I did was hug him. He said stuff to me and then that was all. I barely said a word to him. I know that was the wrong way to deal with it, but I was completely "blah" at the time.

I stayed behind (like always) to wait until he was done greeting people. But then when he was done a group of ladies came and dragged him to his little party that took him a half hour to get to (it was right across the street, in the parish center). I walked right along side them, and couldn't help but to feel distant from my best friend.

When he got to the center, everyone applauded him and other people were dragging him in other directions, so I couldn't even get near him. I am not sure if he realized that after he walked in the center, that I backed off and just left. I didn't say goodbye or anything, because I was feeling depressed and distant.

I know most will say "thats how it was going to be since it is his installation party, he will be dragged every which way no matter what you do". But, it was just depressing for me.

The Youth Minister I know that I work with says it might be because now its OFFICIAL that he is the pastor and its getting to you because before, things could have changed, but now they won't for a long while.

I just fear thats how its going to be now. I am afraid that he won't have a lot of time on his hands to return my phone calls or I won't have time to visit him.

I tried talking with my close friend (a girl) but of course she didn't really respond much to it. I told her why I was upset last night and then it was silent, and of course she goes on talking about herself and her job and whatnot.

Now I feel like I standing here, confused on what to do. Part of me wants to call my best friend (priest) and talk to him over the phone (even though i'd prefer to talk to him in person). Plus, I feel I have to apologize for just leaving and not saying goodbye. He KNOWS for a fact I don't do that. He knows I wait forever just until I am the last person to talk to him (i basically hang around until the bitter end at his things).

I guess I just needed to vent, since not many seem to be listening when I do talk to them..

I miss my best friend..

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Do you think you would feel better to call him, even though you'd rather see him in person?

I guess as I read this, I wonder what makes people think that once someone becomes official that they can't set boundaries and time for their friends? Yes, sometimes friends will have to take 2nd place to job (I can't just leave my job when I want to, though I have a lot of freedom to do so at times), and at other times there is no problem making time.

I'm sure that the change that has occurred is uncomfortable, but maybe it won't be as dramatic as what you fear it will be. It's just new.

Give it some time before you make up your mind about how much change there will be... perhaps it's only change in title... perhaps only a little change. And be fair to him... if he is your best friend too, do you think he will totally change? I can't imagine my best friend totally changing just because something at her job changed.

Take gentle care.

In Him,
Kristen

 

[cflittlestar]

It's long, yet, you did a nice job in separating paragraphs, so it's easy to read.

I hope you feel okay soon.

Are you seeing a counsellor now?

 

[HolyOne87]

It's long, yet, you did a nice job in separating paragraphs, so it's easy to read.

I hope you feel okay soon.

Are you seeing a counsellor now?

me? no. I did at one point but it didn't really help.

He was kind of my counselor in his own way though. He is the only one that can really get through to me certain points and stuff.

I did talk to him on the phone earlier today when I was working. He said, "Always remember, I am not too far" (he knows I have a tendency to over-exaggerate a lot on things..but he always comforts me saying it isn't as bad as I think). He said he will be visiting my parish every here and there, and I am always welcome to his parish.

Parts of me want to transfer parishes, and just go to his..even though its a half hour away. A lot of the priests in my parish aren't that upbeat. Like, I would try and joke around and they kind of dismiss it. But with my best friend, he would just join right in. He was very light-hearted and fun when it came to a lot of things. He didn't like being super strict or "stone-faced" and whatnot.

I guess thats what I love about him. He's fun to be around overall, and fun to work with.

 

[universalspirit]

God bless you and give you what you are needing.