Feeling a bit desperate

[Darling Deedee]

Hello.

I'm new here and I'm struggling. I don't know where else to write this or who else to say it to that won't freak out on me for being honest.

I gave up cutting about seven or eight years ago but have moments like right now when its all I can think about. I just get consumed. I just need a safe place to post right now, that's all. I'll get through this. I cut for years as a teenager but gave it up when I was 18. It still haunts me, espeically when I get stressed.

My two best friends have moved away and while I have other friends and a supportive family, I just want those two girls back. I know that friends move on and people grow apart but... I really just want to be selfish.

I don't have words to express whats going on in my heart. I'm really struggling and I want to turn back to cutting but I know it'll just make things worse.

-Deedee

 

[Criada]

I'm sorry it's so hard, sweetie... it is a kind of addiction.
But, you have been strong for a long time, you can overcome the thoughts.
I hadn't cut for 25 years until a few months ago... it doesn't go away, but please believe, giving in doesn't help, it makes things worse.

Do you have strategies to help, distractions or someone you can talk to?
There's a useful list here (It's a sticky at the top of this forum) which has a lot of ideas.

Praying for you.

 

[Darling Deedee]

Hey there.

Things are looking better today though the struggle is still there, a silent war inside of me. I journal and I call people up and have random conversations with them, never about cutting. Doesn't help that its that time of the month... everything is worse then. I've been filling my days really full so that I have as little time to think, stew and pout as possible.
I'm sorry to hear you cut after 25 years. That stinks. I will continue to soldier on and will think of your 25 year strength. It totally is an addiction. It rears its ugly head at the worst points in my life.

Thank you for writing back. I appreciate that.

-Deedee