Fears and struggles (again).

[BlakeRussell]

I post this here because, well, I'm reformed in my beliefs. If you'd lend an ear, I'd appreciate it.

I figure it'd be best for me to simply explain my situation with scripture.

James 1:6-8
" he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

This passage perfectly describes me. I'm a doubter. Unsure about everything most of the time. Unstable in all I do. I'm Blown about on the sea by every argument. In fact, the only thing I feel sure about is that I'm in sin and condemnation most surely awaits me. I need a savior.

I do not posses this faith.

Hebrews 11:1,6
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Faith is being sure. I am unsure it seems almost all of the time.
You see, I fear all I have is a presuppositional knowledge of Christ. The world makes no sense without Him. I know I need Him. I believe He is Who He says He is, but I fear that's only because of head knowledge, not because it has been revealed to me by God.

So I take Romans 10:17
"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ."
and I apply myself to the word. I read it, prayerfully even, but faith never seems to come. I say this because I almost always seem to remain uncertain. Always questioning "Is this really true?"

When this happens I apply Romans 1:18-19
"The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them."

I do this because I know better. This ultimately scares me, and shortly after this I hear this command.

Acts 16:31 "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved"
So I set out to believe, but no matter how "hard I try" to believe in Christ, I still doubt. I'm still plagued with disbelief. Unbelief. Whatever it is you want to call it.

Then Romans 9:16 comes into play.
"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy."
It doesn't matter how hard I try. It's all of God's mercy and grace. And If He is not inclined to me merciful then I'm toast, to put it bluntly.

I'm usually deeply concerned that what Jesus says here is true of me.
John 10:26 "You do not believe because you are not my sheep"

So all I can do is Romans 10:13
for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

but always fearful God will not hear or answer me, because Hebrews 11 describes the faith I don't have, and James 1 says I should not think I will receive anything from the Lord with my double mind.

The only thing I can do is bow humbly before the Jesus of scriptures with what little faith I have, proclaiming as the tax collector did in Christ's parable. 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' (luke 18:13) and cry out with the Father in mark 9:24 "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

My only hope is the free grace of God through Jesus Christ.
This hymn describes me perfectly.
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy riven side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure;
Save from wrath and make me pure.
Not the labour of my hands
Can fulfil Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears for ever flow,
All for sin could not atone;
Thou must save, and Thou alone.
Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to the cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress;
Helpless, look to Thee for grace;
Foul, I to the fountain fly;
Wash me, Saviour, else I die.
While I draw this fleeting breath,
When my eyelids close in death,
When I soar to worlds unknown,
See Thee on Thy judgement throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee.

I need Jesus. God be merciful to me the sinner. Help me overcome my unbelief.

 

[bradfordl]

Blake, your assurance is not founded on how tightly you hold on to Jesus, but by how tightly He holds on to you. And none can snatch you out of His hand.

Act 14:22 Confirming the souls of the disciples, and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.

 

[mlqurgw]

I post this here because, well, I'm reformed in my beliefs. If you'd lend an ear, I'd appreciate it.

I figure it'd be best for me to simply explain my situation with scripture.

James 1:6-8
" he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

This passage perfectly describes me. I'm a doubter. Unsure about everything most of the time. Unstable in all I do. I'm Blown about on the sea by every argument. In fact, the only thing I feel sure about is that I'm in sin and condemnation most surely awaits me. I need a savior.

I do not posses this faith.

Hebrews 11:1,6
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Faith is being sure. I am unsure it seems almost all of the time.
You see, I fear all I have is a presuppositional knowledge of Christ. The world makes no sense without Him. I know I need Him. I believe He is Who He says He is, but I fear that's only because of head knowledge, not because it has been revealed to me by God.

So I take Romans 10:17
"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ."
and I apply myself to the word. I read it, prayerfully even, but faith never seems to come. I say this because I almost always seem to remain uncertain. Always questioning "Is this really true?"

When this happens I apply Romans 1:18-19
"The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them."

I do this because I know better. This ultimately scares me, and shortly after this I hear this command.

Acts 16:31 "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved"
So I set out to believe, but no matter how "hard I try" to believe in Christ, I still doubt. I'm still plagued with disbelief. Unbelief. Whatever it is you want to call it.

Then Romans 9:16 comes into play.
"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy."
It doesn't matter how hard I try. It's all of God's mercy and grace. And If He is not inclined to me merciful then I'm toast, to put it bluntly.

I'm usually deeply concerned that what Jesus says here is true of me.
John 10:26 "You do not believe because you are not my sheep"

So all I can do is Romans 10:13
for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

but always fearful God will not hear or answer me, because Hebrews 11 describes the faith I don't have, and James 1 says I should not think I will receive anything from the Lord with my double mind.

The only thing I can do is bow humbly before the Jesus of scriptures with what little faith I have, proclaiming as the tax collector did in Christ's parable. 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' (luke 18:13) and cry out with the Father in mark 9:24 "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

My only hope is the free grace of God through Jesus Christ.
This hymn describes me perfectly.
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy riven side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure;
Save from wrath and make me pure.
Not the labour of my hands
Can fulfil Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears for ever flow,
All for sin could not atone;
Thou must save, and Thou alone.
Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to the cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress;
Helpless, look to Thee for grace;
Foul, I to the fountain fly;
Wash me, Saviour, else I die.
While I draw this fleeting breath,
When my eyelids close in death,
When I soar to worlds unknown,
See Thee on Thy judgement throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee.

I need Jesus. God be merciful to me the sinner. Help me overcome my unbelief.

Either you or someone else is setting standard higher than Christ did. Christ never told us to have great faith but only to have faith. Show me one place in the Scriptures where Christ turned away anyone who came to Him seeking mercy. He delights in mercy. God's sovereignty in salvation never keeps any out who want in. Show me a person who loves Christ or his brothers as he ought to. Show me a person who is committed as he ought to be. Show me a person who does what he ought to do consistently. Faith isn't feeling like you are saved but looking to Christ even when you don't feel like you can. You are looking far too much at yourself: whether it is because of your own personality or because someone is pointing you at yourself makes no difference. When you look at yourself( and it is the same when I do) all you can see is sin because in yourself that is all you are. Look to Christ! He is all we need. In Him all who believe are as holy and righteous as God Himself. In Him we are accepted and loved. In Him we have a perfect righteousness that God not only accepts but rewards. Quit looking at what you do or feel or experience. He is faithful even when we aren't. Looking at yourself will keep piling a load of guilt on your back. Believe me I know by experience. The heavier the load gets the more bent down under ti you become. The more bent down you become the more you see of yourself. The more you see of yourself the more guilt you feel. It is a vicious circle that Satan delights to get us entangled in. The only way out of it is to look up. Find in Christ the remedy for all your feelings of guilt. Learn all you can of Him and His work. Focus all your attention on Him. It certainly worked for me.

 

[McWilliams]

When doubts arise and/or the storms of life assail your soul concentrate on scripture as Christ did when He was tempted by Satan. Focus on Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You!

 

[cygnusx1]

the subject of personal assurance was and sometimes still is a hotbed amongst Calvinists.

This subject was recently looked into at a Reformed conference my close friend went to in Ireland .

The Puritans had various understandings on personal assurance , some think this is where they differed from John Calvin who is said , with agreement from John Owen , to see assurance as part of true faith , ie , to be sealed with the Holy Spirit is to have full assurance. (Eph 1)

However , other Puritans pronounced "one is to look within for fruit of one's Election and only then can assurance come" , Thomas Goodwin wrote a treatise called a 'Child of Light walking in Darkness' expounding the view that assurance is sometimes missing in the elect , it certainly was the experience of the Calvinist hymn writer and poet , william Cowper who experienced severe doubt .

Later the strict Baptists of England , following much of the Puritans expositions began to be so introspective that much sorrow and no joy was a constant feature of theirs , A W Pink points this lopsidedness out and reproves this negativity , the balance is easily lost.

Yes , the child of God may walk in uncertainty of his calling and election , and doubt he is really saved , he being filled with the Romans 7 complex , yet the child of God may ALSO be filled with assurance , know his sins are truly wiped out and walk in the light of Romans 8 with joy and thanksgiving . Both positions are possible , only the latter position is satisfactory.

Sola Deo Gloria.

 

[BlakeRussell]

Thanks so much for your responses guys.
Coming here, writing out my problems and having believers give me scriptural responses... well it's what i need.

thanks for pointing me to christ.

I have some more questions coming. Thanks for your patience.

 

[bradfordl]

Let's go together before our Father's throne, Blake, and ask Him to show you His unfailing love. He rejoices in doing that, and will do it by showing you His beloved Son's pierced hands.

I'm there with you, bro. Our Daddy will strengthen us both.

Anybody else coming?

 

[McWilliams]

Oh yes, I"ll be there, praying for discernment, enlightenment, guidance and strength to accompany that thirst!!

 

[oworm]

1 John2:1

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

 

[oworm]

Matthew 12:20 a bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not quench,
until he brings justice to victory;

 

[Elvz10]

Dear sir I resonate with everything you say. How are you doing now? Im in a similar struggle and even feel a little hardened. But I have to see the Lord. I also struggled with assurance for years.

 

[twin1954]

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