Fear of my own mortality

[comewhatmay]

I am not sure if this is normal in the grieving process but ever since i lost my husband just over a year ago, some days i worry over my own mortality. Half a year after i lost Raymond, a few good friends asked me to join them for a holiday. They were going to the islands for scuba-diving and snorkelling. At first i actually looked forward to it. But then later i pulled out when i suddenly thought of what if something were to happen to me during the trip. What would happen to my daughters (aged 4 and 2). Thoughts of needing to preserve my life for them is so strong. And these feelings comes on pretty regularly especially when i had to leave them a for long period of time. I am fearful of something happening to me that could take me from them. This fear has stopped me from making plans for a holiday with the kids as i did not want to go anywhere too risky and once or twice i backed out from visiting a family friend who lived 45 mins away from our place.I'm trying hard not to let this fear overcome me from doing things but it's so REAL. Some days i could fight it but somedays i could sense myself bowing to it. Yet above all this I know everything is under God's control, not mine, that i just have to put my life in His hands and trust Him. Anyone out there having anything remotely similar to this? Maybe some of you could shed some light on this. I am worried.

 

[InHisCare]

I understand how you feel. The responsibility of being the only parent for your children is very heavy at times. One of the things I have done to ease my mind is to have a Will made out. Just knowing that I have made provisions for my children has relieved some of my anxiety. I know who they would go to and that they would not have financial worries (life insurance). I have a peace that God appointed me to love and care for these children (3, 14, 17) and He is faithful to fulfill His promises. Don't let worry rob you of enjoying your life.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

It's been 3 years for me this month and I still think about being the only one left for my children. I have a will and know who will take my kids, but still......I have prayed to God about it, and although I know he doesn't tell us the future, I feel he has told me that I will be here for my kids and not to worry, but I am not sure if it's my mind trying to comfort me or truly God. However.......having said that, I have decided not to let that grip my life. God DOES have a plan for all of us, and my kids WILL survive. They believe in God. We do our best that's all we can do. In the beginning my kids were more worried, if I wasn't home exactly when I said I would be they would call me and ask "where are you?" cuz they were worried. I think this is a normal reaction to what we are going through. Doesn't make it any easier. But don't stop living because of fear. God knows your situation and he will take care of you and your children. Baby steps. Try a short trip first and then a little bigger one and so on, but neither God nor your husband would want you to live the rest of your life in fear. If you do end up having a long life that would be a very hard life to live. Hope this helps. I know how you feel.

 

[comewhatmay]

Thank you InHisCare and memoriesbymichelle! I felt relieved after reading your posts on this. I guess i needed to hear it from another person to realise a few truths. As InHisCare said it "Don't let worry rob you of enjoying your life", and well put by memoriesbymichelle that i should not stop living because of fear. I had a will made and the guardianship to my kids was decided within months of Raymond's passing. On good days i trust that God knows and will provide for them should anything happen to me. On a bad day i just feel helpless. I'm just glad i spoke up about this here and your tremendous support means a great deal to me.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Hugs to you! That's what we are here for, to encourage one another. I am grateful to have been of help to you. Call on us anytime. God Bless!

 

[JeanR]

Even though my kids are in their 20s, I understand how you feel because I feel the same way. I find that I think through things more than before. I feel the weight of knowing that the children have lost one parent and that I don't want to put myself in a position where they would lose another. One area I have seen it most is with the weather. I hesitate going out if I think the roads would be hazardous--to the point of being housebound when it really isn't necessary. I am in the process of updating my will and I know that my kids will be ok, but why take unnecessary risks?

 

[BonnieMcG]

My doctor says that it is very common for surviving spouses to worry about their health more. I know that having my husband pass away made me feel more conscious of my mortality. I worry about illness that in the past wouldn't have concerned me because I think it might be something serious. However, I'm not letting it keep me from traveling. I just go to the doctor more. At my age maybe that's a good thing. I think I took my health for granted before. Give your worry to the Lord.

Blessings,

BonnieMcG​

 

[nyokiasheree]

Hi comewhatmay,
I do not have any children, but my husband passed almost three weeks ago. The week after I went to the doctor to do an ECG because I felt a pain in my shoulders. I am so aware of death now that I try not to make plans for the future, this is so unlike me because I have always planned everything!

 

[JeanR]

I'm still the one that plans everything for the family, but I have to say, I live more for today than I did before. It's nice to have things to look forward, but its just out there. No hurry to get to the date.

 

[Elshevia]

Hello Come what may, I feel for you my dear girl, I too have lost my Husband, though the time passes it is still a loss that, can eat at you if you allow it to, there is no other relationship like Husband and wife together, the sharing, the Intimacy, and the Love, even looks that no one know anything about, but you and him, so I will tell you what I did to releave this, I had so much pain in the middle of my chest, that it hurt to touch, day after dad this went on, until I thought I was going mad, so I Prayed and said Holy Father, your Word says that you grieve with us, will you take this pain away, you are the only hope I have no one else can Help Me but you, Please, and as I knelt I felt a hand on my back, moving
upwards and as the hand moved so did the pain untill it was at the top of my head, and then it was away and gone, and that is truth that I share with you,
and although I still miss my Matthew the Pain of his death no longer hurts and 8, years have now passed
from the day I found him dead on the floor
and the pain has never returned.
I hope this gives you a little help, and peace, for your children's Sake's as well as your own,
I say this to you with the love of Jesus. Elshevia.

 

[dellinw]

Hello Come what may, I feel for you my dear girl, I too have lost my Husband, though the time passes it is still a loss that, can eat at you if you allow it to, there is no other relationship like Husband and wife together, the sharing, the Intimacy, and the Love, even looks that no one know anything about, but you and him, so I will tell you what I did to releave this, I had so much pain in the middle of my chest, that it hurt to touch, day after dad this went on, until I thought I was going mad, so I Prayed and said Holy Father, your Word says that you grieve with us, will you take this pain away, you are the only hope I have no one else can Help Me but you, Please, and as I knelt I felt a hand on my back, moving
upwards and as the hand moved so did the pain untill it was at the top of my head, and then it was away and gone, and that is truth that I share with you,
and although I still miss my Matthew the Pain of his death no longer hurts and 8, years have now passed
from the day I found him dead on the floor
and the pain has never returned.
I hope this gives you a little help, and peace, for your children's Sake's as well as your own,
I say this to you with the love of Jesus. Elshevia.

Elshevia, thank yu for the post. It has helped me. Mine is a lump in my throat that won't go away. I have been praying. Its only been 8 mo for me. please pray for me....Helen

 

[Elshevia]

Elshevia, thank yu for the post. It has helped me. Mine is a lump in my throat that won't go away. I have been praying. Its only been 8 mo for me. please pray for me....Helen

My Dear Come what may, I will pray that the Peace that passes all understanding comes to you from our beloved Lord, and that your Children will see that you are not so sad, and that peace will be transfered to them also, and I will continue until you tell me that you have recieved this peace, and your home will once again be a home of
joy and peace. In the LORD. Elshevia.

 

[Solaris]

Even the Communist Chinese government gave workers three years off the grieve the death of a husband or wife. So maybe you might be easy on yourself for another couple of years maybe?

 

[Hisbygrace]

I think we all feel the same, grief brings so many emotions to us, especially when the loved one was young. We begin to realize the reality of death when we lose a spouse more than with any other loved one, because we have experienced a bonding that is so different from any other.