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Fear of men... how to get rid of it?

Ainur

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I don't know if anyone else feels like me... But i've noticed in my life that I have fear of men. All things I do, I always wonder first "what will the others think of me?" or "will they be pleased with this"?
Sometimes I feel like I live for the others!
I just can't stand when someone doesn't love me, I always need the others acceptance, their approval.
Has anyone already dealed with that? How did you got rid off???
 

rogsr

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Ainur,
It sounds like you have low self-esteem. It's ok though because alot of people do, including myself. I've gotten better with it since I became a Christian, but it still effects me from time to time. What has helped me in this area is to concentrate on my relationship with Jesus. I have become closer to Jesus, through lots and lots of prayer, than anyone else. So, throughout my day I am still concerned with what someone else thinks and wants, but it's Jesus so it's ok. This takes time and much effort, but I know that you can conquer it. Live for Jesus, and what you can do for Him, not yourself, or anyone else. I contemplate the Lord's Passion often, and have since the beginning. I think this is the time when we see Him in His full glory. His extreme passion for us, and His extreme forgiveness for us sinners.

God loves like a lamb, so love tenderly.
God roars like a lion, so let no fear dwell in your heart.
Amen!
 
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H

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Yes, I've felt that way many times. I feel left out a lot. I'm a really shy person, and it gets to me when I'm not included. But I pray about it, and I'm trying really hard to overcome my shyness. Prayer, talking openly to God, will help you.......just as it is helping me!
Just remember this: The only person who's opinion of me really matters is God's.
Don't let other ppl's judgment take over your life. Instead, be the example. Be the one to step out. Be willing to be different, in order to be right. I know, it's not an easy thing to do, because I daily struggle with this!!
 
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rainbowprism

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If you read 1 Kings 11:1-13 you'll read about King Solomon and how he took 1,000 of the most outstanding women of his time and married them. Even then he never found true happiness; or else he wouldn't have kept marrying! Try trusting God and turning over the idol of need for approval to Him and entrusting Him with your future? Ask Him to allow yourself to put hope and trust into Him for fulfillment. ;)
 
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Blessed-one

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one of the messages that i remember.. why care what men think when you are precious in God's eyes? the God of the universe treasures you.

this has been one of the things that helps me in this area. I think another thing you need to do is to accept yourself, accept that you're the kind of person you are (for example, i get anxious because i'm not the type that people would take an instant liking to, it takes time for my qualities to show. But i've kind of overcome that through acceptance)

seek after God rather than after approval from men. Shift your focus to him.. that's the third thing. :)
 
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Beauty4Ashes

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Yes, this is something I have struggled with and once had quite a problem with. Being as how I used to be extremely shy and as I emerged from that, still low in my self confidence. I still hate to have anyone angry or even slightly upset at me. That is probably my least favourite thing ever. But regardless, God has been stripping my fear of man away like an orange peel headed for the garbage :D

A big step for me in that happening was last january at a christian conference. For the first time I really experienced the power of the Holy Spirit taking control of me and was no longer able to sit back in my pew quietly and properly snickering under my breath at those sort of charasmatic behaviours around me. Because I experienced God in the most real way ever and realized how much more there was to this relationship with the Holy Spirit than I had been learning in the dry church atmosphere's I'd been involved in. This is where my fear of man begin to diminish. Not so much by my own choice because I just wanted to worship God and know him deeper. So he swooped down an took hold of me and the next thing u know I was up at the front the entire conference dancing or just laying on the floor praising him in awe of his magnificant glory. I have even started singing out to him in prayer as the spirit led and these are never things I would do in public. I used to look at the prayer warriors leading prayer or song or dancing for the Lord and wish I could do that but at the same time I would never dare because I cared to much about what people around me would think or say. Well when you get caught up in the Spirit and let go of your inhabitions, God becomes so big and you become so small that all you can do is focus on him. Everything around you just fades in comparison. And sometimes you may look foolish or whatnot but you just stop caring what people think. The thing is God made each of us just the way we are and if he loves us completely why shouldn't we love ourselves and those around us can take it or leave it. Anyways, after losing my fear of man in church, when I got back home; I found myself up at the front pew with the friends I'd gone to the conference with every week at our young adults worship night at my church. And it didn't even matter that my ex who I was still getting past was/is the bass player in the band. I just closed my eyes and gave my all to God. The thing is once this new manner of living took over my spiritual life, it automatically begin to spill into my personal life as well. Because if I know longer cared what people thought of me if i went to the front for prayer or did a little dance or fell on my face with my hands in the air, then why should I care about what people think of me in my day to day life? Right? So yea, if I make a joke and not everyone laughs or if I say something and people raise their eyebrows or if I trip over my left foot, I just laugh or smile. Life goes on and the people that truly care about me will accept me just as I am and the minor details can be ironed out by God as he works on me daily. So my advice to you is to seek God with all of your heart, your soul, your mind, and your strength and be willing to be a fool for Christ. And soon you will change in the way you perceive the world around you. I know I have and still am growing with this.

Another thing I would reccomend that I have done is to do a bible study on FEAR. If you have a concordance or even just a basic bible dictionary in the back of your bible.
Get out some blank paper and on one page find every verse that describes "Fear of Man" or ungodly fear and write the scriptures out then on a seperate piece of paper find all the scriptures on Fear of God and Godly fear and what that means. Meditate on these and pray for God to remove all fear that is not from him and replace it with a GOdly reverence and Fear of HIM. It might help to write down different instances in which you feel fear and how you can counteract that with the fruit God promises us such as Peace and Joy and Love.

The more you love God the more you will realize how much he loves you and then begin to love yourself and love others with the same kind of love. As this happens, there will be less and less reason to fear what those around you think beause you will have a firm foundation of which to build on and no matter what you do or how much you mess up during the day, at the end of the day; God is still head over heals madly in love with you inside and out and that will NEVER change.

God bless
 
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Yitzchak

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The bible says that perfect love casts out fear....... One place to begin is by praying about and exploring a fuller revelation of God's love for you..... By this I mean a heart knowledge and not just a head knowledge......... You may read many helpful and good things about the subject but ultimately this is one issue that must be decided one on one between you and the lord in relationship.........
The second thing that comes to mind is that the bible in one place says not to fear men but rather fear the one who has power to cast you into hell..... there are also scriptures all through the bible about the fear of the lord............This one may not cast out the fear as love does but it does overcome the fear by giving you a greater fear to focus on which is missing God's will for your life........ If you are more afraid of what God thinks and the conseqeunces of missing God's will , you might overcome the fear of men which holds you back........
Both are biblical solutions........ One last bit of advice from experience.......Fear is rampant in our world and even in the church.... this is not an easy battle to win by any means........Sometimes fasting may help and it may be a process that involves some trials to get the total victory over it..........It is a fight worth winning though because you will hit a wall and not go very far in serving God with fear dominating your life in major areas.........
 
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Ainur

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Thanks for the replies, everyone.
I know now that only fear of God may get my fear of men lost.
For that, God must be the first in my life. Just this way His Holy Spirit may work on me and change my life. Today I'm making a commitment with Him, asking Him to be the first in my life. :bow: Thanks for your replies, they surely were a blessing in my life. :clap:

I'm so happy now! ^_^ ^_^
 
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rogsr

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God is great!:clap:

Truly my soul silently waits for God
From Him comes my salvation
He alone is my rock and my salvation
He is my defense
I will not be greatly moved

This is part of a poem of David, psalm 62 I memorized for times when I am shaken. Fear nothing for God is in your soul..so we always have the drop on the enemy ;)
 
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Rafael

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Praise the Lord.

Hebrews 13:6 So we may boldly say: "The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"

Ps 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? The LORD protects me from danger—so why should I tremble?
2 When evil people come to destroy me, when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
3 Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will know no fear. Even if they attack me, I remain confident.

Ps 33:20 We depend on the LORD alone to save us. Only he can help us, protecting us like a shield.

Isa 41:10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

Ps 56:4 O God, I praise your word. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?

Mt 10:28 "Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill you. They can only kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
 
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desi

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I've got tough skin myself. I look at it like, 'Men can do their worst to me for the short time of my life, but God determines the eternity I dwell in so God has infinitely more power than man.' This philosophy has gotten me in trouble with both secular and Christian people but I've felt more or less 'with God' so long as I said and did what I thought was of God.
 
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starry emzy

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The fears of the Lord is the only way to be released from the fear of man.



The fear of man is being more impressed with man’s reaction to our actions then with God’s reaction. When we have the fear of God upon us we are impressed only with God’s reaction we are freed from the concern of what people think.




We don’t get there overnight but we do get there! One way is by constantly sending short prayers to God, like “I’ve heard what they think, what do You think?”

And then acting to his revealed opinion regardless of the consequences. The more God conscious we are, the less self conscious we are.



It can cost us many things to fear God and not men- being misunderstood, the loss of friendship, closed doors in ministry, rejection of many kinds, persecution and even life itself. It cost Zechariah and Stephen their lives to what God told them to say. They feared God not the people.



It is possible to have enough of the fear of God upon us to give the word of the Lord to the people with real authority and then succumb to the fear of man after having given it. Jotham is an example of this in Judges 9:7-21



Whenever there is pressure from men’s opinions, weigh each decision in the light of the judgment seat of Christ, when each one of us shall give account of himself to God (Romans 14:12). Then it’s not hard to obey God in a difficult situation. It cost us so much more when we fear men and not God. It cost us the privilege and joy of intimacy of friendship with God. What a price!




luv Em
 
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FVT

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he he, i have fear of women...so go figure. I think it was the way i was bought up. Oh well, i am happy the way i am anyways. Parents told me to stay away from women while growing up b/c they have a fear that i may go in "the wrong direction". Well what do you know, now i am grown up and all i care about is money (want to join the million dollar club), my career, and solitude life. I kind of like it for some reason...which most people think is weird. Now parents are actually shocked when i told them i do not want to get married and want to stay single. So oh well, i am happy anyways. No i do not want any help; I just wanted to share my story since you said you have fear of men. I think that usually comes out of the way parents bought you up. My parents, for example, were insanely strict, Puritan-like, WASPY, people. For them, everything is sin and i pretty much have a zero social life when i was bought up. So it depends on the way you are bought up in life.

-FVT
 
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gman

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For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.

Ask God...and keep on asking God (ask, seek, knock) (Gal 6:9...don't give up) to remove that spirit of fear that seems to be harrassing you and ask Him to give you the Holy Spirit and to manifest power, love and balance in your life.

James 1 speaks of a double minded man...unstable in all his ways...I have discovered that this is what I do...exactly the thing you do...I can talk the talk...I know God's word pretty well, I know what to do, but I still yield to please people (men or women) and many times it compromises God's will.

This little discussion is God speaking to me right now...thank you for your people Lord! Guess I need to take my own advice that I have for you...and that of the other brothers and sisters.

Father, I pray that all of us that have unhealthy people pleaser problems would dedicate ourselves to persistent prayer asking for the removal of these habits until they are gone...remove the unhealthy relationship patterns and co dependency from our actions, words and attitudes...give, develop, maintain and grow YOUR balance in our lives and may we ever increasingly desire your will and to please you with our lives and resources you have given for us to steward. I pray and ask these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ our Lord....:amen:
 
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FVT

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i guess this question is more of: nature vs nurture type. If the person is bought up with a social life, they prolly will not have fear of men/women. Also it depends on one's priorities in life too. Just my little knowledge added. Gman i dont know if your post is directed towards me, but like i said i am perfectly comfortable (for some weird reason) in my case. I don't know about Ainur.
 
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