Fear in Small Children (note: not fear OF small children :D)

[Sunset2009]

Do any of you have young children that have fears? Whether it's of storms, dogs, flying insects, or weird things like grass.

I can completely understand some fears. Like storms, which is something that should be feared, or, moreso to take extreme caution of. If your area is prone to tornados, it could be a matter of life and death. But flying insects? Most animals?

I have a 4-year old niece who is DEATHLY afraid of dogs. When she sees one, or comes close to one, her screams literally sound like her head is being sliced off with a chizzle. It is amazingly inappropriate and immature (you might say "She's just a child! Of course she's afraid!" You'd agree with me if you ever witnessed one of her fits). She is also a very insecure child though, as her sisters are nothing like this (1 older sister, 1 younger sister, both had a much different upbringing).

I guess the point of this thread is, where do you believe fears in children come from? I believe that a lot of time, children are taught by their parents to fear things. (Not like "Johnny, there's a fly, be afraid!") but if a child sees a parent freak out over something, they will kind of learn, "Oh, that's something I need to panic over." I'm sure that is not the case with all fears though.

Do you believe that children who have fears (again, not small fears, or fears about things that are completely understandable, but big fears over really ridiculously harmless things) have security issues? What's your take? And is it important to you to teach your children not to be afraid of anything?

 

[JCFantasy23]

Yes my son Gage was always a fearful child. I guess a big imagination. He doesn't like to go to the bathroom alone still sometimes, at the age of 8, or into the kitchen at night alone. At an apartment we were at the bathroom was right there by the living room in full sight and even then when he was younger he would choose to go into his pants instead. He also cant handle any movies or stories that are scary. As a small baby he had nightmares, poor thing. Not sure what causes it. I know we didnt cause the fears though.

 

[lucypevensie]

I agree, children can definitely be taught to be afraid of things or their fears can be nurtured by their parents. I have seen and heard it - "Mikey won't want to come because there will be a dog there and he doesn't like dogs because he got bit when he was little." I'm thinking Mikey needs to be read some books about dogs and be taken to meet some gentle dogs in the neighborhood and see how MOST dogs really are.


My son had an irrational fear of bugs when he was small, and I honestly don't believe he learned this from either of us. I remember one time in the van there was a mosquito flying around back there. The kid screamed as if someone was after him with a butcher knife. I had to yell at him quite sharply to get him to stop as it was not practical to pull over the van right there. It's as if he'd temporarily lost his mind and all that was left was complete panic.

Now, fast forward to my now 9 year old son, and he almost LOVES bugs. I really worked with him to cultivate an interest in bugs and had to show him how gentle most bugs are by actually picking them up and letting them crawl on me (had to pretend I was not totally creeped out myself). But you can see how his fear could have been nurtured had I not been proactive with his phobia.

 

[Birbitt]

I think sometimes children just have a fear of certain things. For example my DH and I have raised both of our children basically the same yet my 6yo is afraid of nothing and my 4 (almost 5)yo is afraid of crickets, some dogs, the dark, and there's more I'm sure. We have done nothing to cause these fears, and we try to teach him that they will not hurt him but still he is afraid. I'm sure he'll grow out of it eventually and if not at least he'll learn better ways to deal with his fears.

 

[zaksmummy]

Sometimes its just their temperament, sometimes, its parental fear, sometimes they have bad experiences. There are probably as many reasons as there are fears!

 

[CarrieAg93]

My youngest was not afraid of dogs until he had a harmless, yet scary, encounter with one. About a year ago, when he was about 2, we had a lab puppy running loose in our neighborhood for a few days. Everytime we'd go outside he'd come running and jump on my kids and knock my youngest down. The first time it happened all 3 of my kids were outside screaming bloody murder. They had gone outside ahead of me to get in the van. I really thought they were being attacked. Anyway, the puppy was just being playful, but was bigger than my youngest so it scared him. After that he was terrified of dogs and would scream and come running to me if he even saw one. We have dogs that are bigger than him and he was fine with them. He's gradually gotten better around dogs. We just hold him and then pet the dog and let him pet it if he wants to. He's to the point now where he tolerates most dogs. He's still timid around them, but not terrified.

 

[Everlasting33]

Sometimes its just their temperament, sometimes, its parental fear, sometimes they have bad experiences. There are probably as many reasons as there are fears!

I agree here. Research tells us that human beings are instinctively afraid of two things: loud sounds and falling. The rest are mostly in the above post.

 

[heron]

But then there's the natural instinct of imprinting environmental dangers... bear walks into your cave, therefore make a wall to keep other bears out. Pterydactyl steals your BBQ, no more pterydactyls invited.

I almost wonder if this natural instinct is unnaturally off balance in the brain at times. LucyPev's example of retraining corresponds with our assumptions, that people's fears can be retrained and toned down.

The little kids' screams of terror might just be that it hadn't occurred to them to control their voices and expressions yet. (Especially if they are around other kids who scream.)

I know someone who was afraid of dogs when they were little, and I assumed they had outgrown it. Years later, they were still afraid, and insisted that everyone walk a different direction or owners relocate their dogs. There comes a time when expressing fear can turn into a way to feel control over a situation...sometimes even dominant.

There are still petty things that I squirm over, but do not talk about. I probably stopped talking about my squeamish triggers when friends used the fear against me, as jokes. The worm in my lunch was the last time I opened my mouth about my phobias. Negative retraining, positive retraining, they both work.

 

[JohnDeereFan]

I have a 4-year old niece who is DEATHLY afraid of dogs. When she sees one, or comes close to one, her screams literally sound like her head is being sliced off with a chizzle. It is amazingly inappropriate and immature (you might say "She's just a child! Of course she's afraid!" You'd agree with me if you ever witnessed one of her fits). She is also a very insecure child though, as her sisters are nothing like this (1 older sister, 1 younger sister, both had a much different upbringing).

There is a little girl around here who's afraid of my dog, Wiley. Wiley's big, but is as gentle and as sweet as you can imagine.

The problem is that everytime she sees Wiley, she runs away and in Wiley's mind, that means she wants to play, so he just chases her, thinking that she's playing.

Hey, while we're on the subject, make sure you teach her that when she approaches a strange dog, to approach slowly, and to hold her hand out flat with the palm facing up.

Most importantly, make sure she knows to hold her hand below the dog's head. If you hold it above a dog's head, that's a sign of agression and if you watch the dog closely, they'll usually flinch (this is when dogs nip to let you know you're invading their space). But if you hold it below the head, that's a "friendly" sign.

I guess the point of this thread is, where do you believe fears in children come from? I believe that a lot of time, children are taught by their parents to fear things. (Not like "Johnny, there's a fly, be afraid!") but if a child sees a parent freak out over something, they will kind of learn, "Oh, that's something I need to panic over." I'm sure that is not the case with all fears though.

Do you believe that children who have fears (again, not small fears, or fears about things that are completely understandable, but big fears over really ridiculously harmless things) have security issues? What's your take? And is it important to you to teach your children not to be afraid of anything?

My big thing about fear is to confront it.

A few years ago, before my mother built a home on our farm and moved here full time, I was visiting her and doing some chores for her. She was sick and so I offered to come and help her around the house.

I took her dog for a walk along the beautiful creek that runs through her neighborhood when I heard a scream. I ran to see if someone had been hurt and needed help, when I saw a woman screaming and poking a shovel under her porch at a six foot black snake.

I told her not to kill it, to let me catch it and let it go, instead.

So I crawled under her porch and got it and when I came out, there were four or five children standing there and they were all backing away and making all the faces children do when they see something they think is "gross".

I asked the children if any of them wanted to pet him and, naturally, they didn't want any part of it. I explained to them that this was a good snake and wouldn't hurt them, how he helps us by eating bugs and mice and rats that would otherwise come into our homes and eat our food and make us sick.

Eventually and very tentatively, they did pet him and the first thing each child said was "I though he'd be slimy". (That's a very common misconception people have about snakes.)

I showed them how he "smells" the air with his tongue, how he moves by lateral undulation and what we call concertina locomotion, and how he unhinges his jaw to swallow very large prey.

We then took him to the creek and let him go. The good news is that I don't think they'll be afraid next time.

In the same way, I wouldn't suggest that a parent subject their child to storms, if they're afraid of storms, but you can do things like go to the library and get books about weather or different kinds of clouds, or play games like counting the seconds between the flash of lightning and the crash of the thunder.

 

[Catherineanne]

Do you believe that children who have fears (again, not small fears, or fears about things that are completely understandable, but big fears over really ridiculously harmless things) have security issues? What's your take? And is it important to you to teach your children not to be afraid of anything?

The world of childhood is very different from our own world. Children try to make sense of what they find around them, and to work out what is safe and what is not, and a lot of what they deal with has the potential to cause them to feel insecure. I am not sure we can teach anyone not to be afraid, though; I think this has to be worked out bit by bit.

When I was small the accepted way of treating a child who was afraid of the dark was to send them to bed, and then put the light off, and let them get used to it. This is the brutal school of parenting. We are rather more civilised these days, and I think most of us would be happy to leave the light on for a child who is afraid of the dark.

I think it is a matter of addressing the concern, and asking the child what they want you to do to help. They may well find their own solutions.

 

[peace in the vally]

Um No Im Sorry I Don't Agree With You, My Sisters 3 Children Are Deathly Afraid Of Dogs, And The Do The Same Thing Scream Bloody Murder, Even To The Point Of Hyperventelating At Times, The Little Boy Is The Worst.
Im 26 And Im Deathly Afraid Of Spiders And They Are Probably A Billion Times Smaller Than A Dog. I Even Pass Out, Expecially If They Are On Me. So To Pass Ones Fears Off As Inapropriate Is Well Uncompassionate And Harsh In My Book. Also Im Afraid Of Fish So Unless Someone Is In The Lake When We Go Water Skiing, I Wont Go I Won't Swim In Lakes Either. Now If There Were Only A Couple Fish In A Fish Tank Im Fine, But If I Go Somewhere Where They Are All Around Me Forget It.

 

[oat02351]

Do any of you have young children that have fears? Whether it's of storms, dogs, flying insects, or weird things like grass.

I can completely understand some fears. Like storms, which is something that should be feared, or, moreso to take extreme caution of. If your area is prone to tornados, it could be a matter of life and death. But flying insects? Most animals?

I have a 4-year old niece who is DEATHLY afraid of dogs. When she sees one, or comes close to one, her screams literally sound like her head is being sliced off with a chizzle. It is amazingly inappropriate and immature (you might say "She's just a child! Of course she's afraid!" You'd agree with me if you ever witnessed one of her fits). She is also a very insecure child though, as her sisters are nothing like this (1 older sister, 1 younger sister, both had a much different upbringing).

I guess the point of this thread is, where do you believe fears in children come from? I believe that a lot of time, children are taught by their parents to fear things. (Not like "Johnny, there's a fly, be afraid!") but if a child sees a parent freak out over something, they will kind of learn, "Oh, that's something I need to panic over." I'm sure that is not the case with all fears though.

Do you believe that children who have fears (again, not small fears, or fears about things that are completely understandable, but big fears over really ridiculously harmless things) have security issues? What's your take? And is it important to you to teach your children not to be afraid of anything?

If she has a lot of secrity issues and phobias, you might want to think of counseling and tell a prafessional what is going on. They might be able to help. I can't say my daughter has such fears accept when she is inside and I go out to grab the mail or something and she's inside she'll scream and cry. I come back in and comfort her and 2seconds later she's fine.

 

[malachirose]

Wow
it really is amazing when you think of all the different things that kids develop intense fears too.
Thankfully Im very lucky and my son doesn't seem to have any major fears, he gets a bit funny with 'sharpteeth' (dinosaurs, crocodiles, sharks) but he does actually have many toys of these creatures that he just adores.

Sometimes I think certain fears which seem silly to us as adults are not so silly to children and often are very hard for us to understand as our brains tick very differently to a childs. I know a set of 5 year old twin girls that are terrified of balloons, even if they are not blown up, the will scream, run and vomit they get so worked up. As adults this sort of fear just doesn't seem sensible, but again they think differently to us.
Some fears just need to be ignored and allowed to run its course and hope that the child grows out of it. Some of them they will always have I guess.

I guess all you can do is comfort them and help them feel safe in the situations that cause them fear. The last thing we want to do is to try and punish it out of them and cause it to become more than just a childhood fear.

 

[tiffyof6ntwins]

with 6 kids i can only recall my now 5 yr old having fears and that wasnt til after our house got broken into and they broke into her room. perfect reason considering she was only 18 months at the time. now shes not scared of storms or the dark only if she hears a noise shes not used to or hears someone walking around the house. a hassle at times because she will yell and wake up her 3 yr old brother and sister she shares a room with but small price to pay to comfort her and get her back to sleep.