Family Problems

[Sean5151]

I am looking for advice in regard to a family member who is treating me badly. the person in question constantly lies to me, she is controlling and manipulative and I basically feel like she has just used me, and takes me for a fool. It makes me so angry, and anger is not something that I want to feel in my heart. The problem is she seems to have a lot of influence over other family members, so there is nothing I can really say to anyone and I'm not even really sure they see her true colours like I do, because she is so good at being manipulative, and lying.

I feel like it is a toxic relationship and is doing me more harm than good, and I feel that the best thing would be for me to move far away and just start a new life somewhere else away from her and the rest of my family. The only problem I have is that due to financial commitments I can't do that for at least another four years. It has really made me feel so low, I wish I could just wave a magic wand and be somewhere else far away.

I guess I'm asking you as good christian people, how would you deal with the situation. I don't think the issue is about forgiveness, because I can forgive but it won't change the situation.
I will still hear the lies, and see the manipulatuive and controlling behaviour. I just find it hard to handle, because I know I cannot say anything or it will just make matters worse, and I'm not sure I can cope with any more lies.

Tonight I will be praying to God for answers, and hoping he hears my prayers.

 

[AubreyM]

Hello sean5151,

Sorry you are living in this situation that is becoming stressful in your life and making it hard to bear to the point of desiring to move out.

If there is no way to talk and express your concerns with your family member; and they do not listen; is there any possible way to let them know that it is great to see them and everything but if there is going to be a lot of negative talk that you do not desire to partake because you feel as though it causing you distress in your life because of all of it?

Do not know if you could get your family member to read the bible with you. You could also just start talking about God more to them and see what happens, and if it gets them upset or they are offended and they start demeaning you; you can always walk out of the house and walk away.

(Growing up, for me was not normally with a household of people or anything ; and if I had disagreement normally would fight with others, now just turn the other cheek and try to walk away rather than fight.)

Hope you find relief and God talks to you about what you should do by the spirit - keep reading the word of God and may you find relief and peace through faith and trust in God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

Do you think it may be narcissistic behaviour?

If you or someone you care about is experiencing narcissistic abuse, there is help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline recognizes narcissistic abuse and trauma and is available 24/7 in more than 200 languages. Call 1-800-799-7233 to talk with an advocate. Or log onto The Hotline or text LOVEIS to 22522

 

[dqhall]

I am looking for advice in regard to a family member who is treating me badly. the person in question constantly lies to me, she is controlling and manipulative and I basically feel like she has just used me, and takes me for a fool. It makes me so angry, and anger is not something that I want to feel in my heart. The problem is she seems to have a lot of influence over other family members, so there is nothing I can really say to anyone and I'm not even really sure they see her true colours like I do, because she is so good at being manipulative, and lying.

I feel like it is a toxic relationship and is doing me more harm than good, and I feel that the best thing would be for me to move far away and just start a new life somewhere else away from her and the rest of my family. The only problem I have is that due to financial commitments I can't do that for at least another four years. It has really made me feel so low, I wish I could just wave a magic wand and be somewhere else far away.

I guess I'm asking you as good christian people, how would you deal with the situation. I don't think the issue is about forgiveness, because I can forgive but it won't change the situation.
I will still hear the lies, and see the manipulatuive and controlling behaviour. I just find it hard to handle, because I know I cannot say anything or it will just make matters worse, and I'm not sure I can cope with any more lies.

Tonight I will be praying to God for answers, and hoping he hears my prayers.

Try to forgive. Try to become more honest. Work towards your goal of financial independence.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

My immediate thought was if there is one person in your family you could talk to about it, agreeing with them first that it will go no further but you need help with the situation. If not a family member is there someone at church you could talk to? While I wouldnt ask you to reveal any more information, it is difficult to give advice with so little information.

 

[turkle]

The answer really depends on how close this family member is to you. It's different if it's a cousin as opposed to a child or a spouse. Assuming that the relationship is more distant than immediate, I would avoid contact with her, but not knowing the situation, that's the best I can say.

 

[grumix8]

Understanding your family member from their point of view, tell her about your rights but be loving. Have forgiving attitude to her because love is important. Ask G-d for you to recieve patience and love. Because she or he needs help answer will come non-violent or peaceful but love. I assure you pray to G-d and he will give the answer night and day.

 

[com7fy8]

I basically feel like she has just used me, and takes me for a fool. It makes me so angry, and anger is not something that I want to feel in my heart.

With God, "be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God" (in James 1:19-20).

We answer to God, first, instead of first trying to make wrong people answer to us.

It is good you know there is the wrong kind of anger. And you know it is wrong to use people.

So, be glad how you can love people, instead of just using someone.

 

[Sean5151]

I didn't say I was perfect, and I not sure I fully understand what you mean by saying ''instead of just using someone'' but you appear to be directing that at me, If that is so, and I have not misread your comment, I would just say to you with all due respect you cannot possibly know my situation fully because to go into full detail would probably take me a whole day to type out. I am fully aware of the need to refrain from anger but I am quite obviously just asking for advice on how to deal with the situation. I try my best to treat people with respect, so is it only right that I am treated with respect and not treated like an idiot, not having to listen to constant lies. Maybe I should turn the other cheek and just not let this person get to me, however I am not perfect and there is only one person that has walked the face of this earth who was, and I don't need to tell you who that was and is.
I would never treat a family member in the way I have been treated by this person. Maybe someday I will be as near perfect as you, but at the moment I am struggling with the kind of perfection that you obviously strive to achieve.

 

[Sean5151]

Thanks everyone for your replies, it is difficult for me to go into too much detail about the situation I'm sorry I could not do that. Yesterday I was feeling really low, and after asking for prayers and praying myself I feel a lot better today so I am able to see more clearly. I think I'm just going to have to accept the situation as it is, because the person in question isn't going to change. I actually told the person in question about my faith a several months ago, and the reaction was not a good one. It was basically one of mocking, so I never bothered again. No member of my family have ever really been religious in any way. I have made my mind up that when I am financially able I will move some distance away from family because I just feel like I no longer have anything in common with them, I actually just feel like a stranger, as if I never really knew them if that makes sense. The family I thought I knew are totally different to what I remember some years ago. I think people change and relationshpis change and that's just how it is, and you just have to accept that as part of life.