Family cannot be Christian

Any converts here ever have a similar problem.

I have a hard enough time believing in God, then having to believe in Christianity , then finding out everything I knew about Christianity was wrong, then trying to connect with a church I can't wrap my mind around.

Now I can force myself to attend church even if I have trouble believing in God, but my wife is against organized religion and will not attend anything other than a Conservative Unitarian Universalist church ( in other words none at all). She went to one Orthodox liturgy with me and did not like it.

When we had our child I was out of religion at the time. We then agreed to not bring our child up with any religion. So I am stuck now with that arrangement.

Plus apparently my attitude has gotten worse since I started back with Christianity again. So it has actually made me worse in her eyes not better.

Any advice would be welcome.

How has your attitude become worse? Perhaps you should focus on fixing that first, get your own house in order and the rest will come.

When I first joined the church my ex didn't want to have the kids baptized but she saw the change in me and how important it was to me which changed her mind.

This is not an unheard of problem. In fact, my wife also said to me, "You've gotten worse since you started on this path." Don't let it discourage you, truth has a funny way of causing division, Christ himself said as much.

Its worth it, keep the faith.

Yeah, it sounds too familiar. I lost most of my friends when I converted to Orthodoxy from Roman Catholicism. A friend of mine lost her husband and then got her kids into a nasty battle with their father who was a pentecostal and did not want his girls going to Divine Liturgy when she converted. Unfortunately it is the Devil having a field day trying to keep you away from Christ. Ask God for grace to get you through this.

yeah I had a have a friend who had family that were openly against her becoming Orthodox, but things have smoothed over. as tough as it is, be patient, keep praying. these things tend to work out on God's time.

I would let it go with your wife for now. Just be your kind, loving self to her and your daughter, continue to work out your faith, and things will fall in order.

Don't try to push Orthodoxy on her. Nobody likes religion forced down their throat.

Continue to pray for her and your daughter, work out your salvation with fear and trembling, and God will do the rest.

The advice of St. Paul in the 50's AD seems to apply:

1 Corinthians 7:12-17

If any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she is willing to go on living with him, he should not divorce her; and if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to go on living with her, she should not divorce her husband. For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through the brother. Otherwise your children would be unclean, whereas in fact they are holy. If the unbeliever separates, however, let him separate. The brother or sister is not bound in such cases; God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband; or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Only, everyone should live as the Lord assigned, just as God called each one. I give this order in all the churches.

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In Christ,
Macarius

Thank you Macarius for that quote.

Since my husband died last month I have been struggling with the fact that I had never , to my knowledge , brought him to God .

I've asked myself time and time again - why did I fail , what did I do wrong .

The fact of course is that I'll never know whether he did acknowledge Christ during his last week.

That quote gives me some comfort - thanks

Thanks for the support all

HandmaidenOfGod said:

I would let it go with your wife for now. Just be your kind, loving self to her and your daughter, continue to work out your faith, and things will fall in order.

Don't try to push Orthodoxy on her. Nobody likes religion forced down their throat.

Continue to pray for her and your daughter, work out your salvation with fear and trembling, and God will do the rest.

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Ditto! Exactly what she said. You will do more to convince your wife of the truth of Christianity by being loving and kind to her than you will ever do by trying to push it on her. I made that mistake with my x wife after I converted and it prolonged her conversion an extra 2 to 3 years!

I created a lot of stress in my family when I began my conversion process. I thought I was just telling them about this wonderful truth I had been so blessed to stumble upon. They saw it as me trying to "force" them into "changing". When I stopped going to their church, they saw it as me saying that theirs wasn't good enough for me anymore.

It has taken a lot of time, tears, and council from my priest to turn this around. After almost three years, my wife will accompany me to my church and try to stand through most of the service.

Handmaiden's advice is perfect. I would avoid sharing much of anything Church related with them. Focus on yourself, and on growing in Christ. This is what will eventually touch their hearts, and make them want what you have.

I've been there. Early in our marriage I was the atheist. We made a similar agreement about the way we would raise the kids. A few years ago I found the Church and my husband wanted nothing to do with it. In fact he openly mocked it.

My husband is now a catechumen and one of my sons will be baptised soon.

Love your wife. Be the best husband and father that you can be. Try not to be a hypocrite. Pray... a lot. DON'T nag her about it, but let her see that God is changing you for the better. Live your life in a way that draws her to God.

I would suggest avoiding religious discussions with her unless she starts them.

Also, ask for the intercessions of Saint Monica.

(Although the below is a Catholic resource, she is a Saint honored by the Eastern Orthodox Church.)

CATHOLIC ENCYCLOPEDIA: Saint Monica

Macarius, what a beautiful quote mate!

JacksLadder said:

Any converts here ever have a similar problem.

I have a hard enough time believing in God, then having to believe in Christianity , then finding out everything I knew about Christianity was wrong, then trying to connect with a church I can't wrap my mind around.

Now I can force myself to attend church even if I have trouble believing in God, but my wife is against organized religion and will not attend anything other than a Conservative Unitarian Universalist church ( in other words none at all). She went to one Orthodox liturgy with me and did not like it.

When we had our child I was out of religion at the time. We then agreed to not bring our child up with any religion. So I am stuck now with that arrangement.

Plus apparently my attitude has gotten worse since I started back with Christianity again. So it has actually made me worse in her eyes not better.

Any advice would be welcome.

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I don't believe it is a matter of "cannot be Christian", just rebellion against your religion and or beliefs. There are a number of reasons such rebellion exists. The major one is the influence of the world.

My husband has never been interested in any religion. Which is largely due to the fact of his ethnic background. He is Japanese/American. His Japanese mother raised him with no grounding in such thought as orderly worship. The personality of Japanese people is one of not making a big deal about anything. Not drawing attention to themselves. It is like a super ascetism in a manner of speaking. And they are very private about their beliefs. Yet they are certainly curious, and whether others realize it or not, they are listening. Though they seem to follow the rule of St Benedict on silence, as they never get into any verbal communication about the subject.

I raised my children Christian and my husband had no objections to that. Once grown they too distanced themselves from the church altogether. Not because they aren't familiar with Christianity, but because they have answers they need to find on their own. Many people are like that. They want to find out for themselves. Perhaps it helps them to feel as though God is leading them in a mystical way. I accept that and have faith God will lead them.

I have been Orthodox for about 10 yrs now. I too shared with them when I converted. They are as an audience watching a play, waiting to see. And if that is all I can do then it is what i must do. that is be the example.

I use to be disheartened by going to church alone. But in the time I've went it is as if God has built a family within the church for me besides the one at home in the world. That is in being a godmother to others coming into the church. It seems that God has done so to cause a sort of jealousy in my family at home. It is something they can't understand. And I believe God uses that as He does all things.

If anything I feel closer to the Lord. In that I am able to have some understanding in how he felt, being in the world but not of the world. Living in two natures. I may not have seen this narrow way otherwise. So I can only thank God and pray for His continued mercy and guidance. I lack no good thing.

JacksLadder said:

Any converts here ever have a similar problem.

I have a hard enough time believing in God, then having to believe in Christianity , then finding out everything I knew about Christianity was wrong, then trying to connect with a church I can't wrap my mind around.

Now I can force myself to attend church even if I have trouble believing in God, but my wife is against organized religion and will not attend anything other than a Conservative Unitarian Universalist church ( in other words none at all). She went to one Orthodox liturgy with me and did not like it.

When we had our child I was out of religion at the time. We then agreed to not bring our child up with any religion. So I am stuck now with that arrangement.

Plus apparently my attitude has gotten worse since I started back with Christianity again. So it has actually made me worse in her eyes not better.

Any advice would be welcome.

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I am sure people are noticing a slight more aggressiveness to me since things as of late. Sure I may have some things going on in my life right now, change of location of where I live and starting over looking for work and all that in these tough times, but something has happened.

I am atheist. People that know me know I can be very "vocal" about disbelief and atheism. As of late though, I haven't been able to answer a question that is the crux of the change from believing in Christianity for 12 and some years to a rather quick change into atheism. Because of this, I have already been in contact with a Eastern Orthodox priest about attending a vesper service and wanting to talk to him one on one if we can and maybe even start attending Orthodoxy 101 that he invited me to.
Christ the Saviour Orthodox Church - Home
I'm already planning on going to the 6pm vesper service on Wednesday and I don't expect the priest or even the church to answer the question I have because its not about a god-concept, its not about Christianity, its not about atheism, its about me and the reasons why my views changed. For some reason I have noticed a bit more aggression coming out of me. Who knows why. Maybe its because I'm confused...again about a big topic, for me a question that is bigger than God etc.

So I don't know what to say but hope it gets better for you. I'm single right now so the only concern I have is my family and and friends and sometimes the way I post here on the boards if the aggression comes out. Regardless there must be something going on inside you, be it spiritual, or personal frustrations with something involving religion, your own beliefs, I wouldn't know. My best advice would be, to continue what your doing to figure yourself out. Your wife will just have to put up with it if she's allowed to not like the church your going to seek out your questions.

I distantly know that priest, and he is very nice and comes from very nice people! I hope you enjoy your interactions with him.

choirfiend said:

I distantly know that priest, and he is very nice and comes from very nice people! I hope you enjoy your interactions with him.

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So far, he is great. On the phone, him and I were already making jokes with each other which for me is a way I test the waters with how good I'll be able to interact with each other and be able to converse as well.

Im_A said:

So far, he is great. On the phone, him and I were already making jokes with each other which for me is a way I test the waters with how good I'll be able to interact with each other and be able to converse as well.

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That is great. I hope you do find Orthodoxy to be your new home.

MariaRegina said:

That is great. I hope you do find Orthodoxy to be your new home.

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If I do, I know I'll have some issues to work with my family. My mom and sister won't be too hard with this one. I mean I'll have to find a common ground mix them as well because they aren't part of the Eastern Orthodox Church. My dad on the other hand, when I mentioned a long time ago about my curiosity with the Roman Catholic Church, he didn't seem to keen on the idea because in his words, "They have some very strange views", and everytime I mention to people about the Eastern Orthodox Church, they always give me a confused look. So they ask is it like the Roman Catholic Church and I always answer, yes and no, based on my own information. So it'll be interesting regardless figuring out how to encorporate the issue of family and church because I know my family wants me involved with them and I would like them involved with me through this but they are pretty content with the church they go to now and I'm not out to change them, or to push them anyway if I do end up making the choice to join the church.

Funny enough, the easiest situation for me will, well I am guessing, the love life. I'm single at this time, lol.