falling apart

[pyroqueen2423]

my family is falling apart and i can't help but just try to get away my parents divorced when i was like eight but me and my dad pretty much hated each other and pretended infront of his family now after fifteen years of faking i am sick. sick of pretending and emotionaly just sick and i have told this to a counselor and my dad is a alcoholic which just doesn't help i know God is there but i just need to say this to anyone. My family is hating everyone and just they get angry when i cry which is right now and pretty much say oh gosh and walk away i am not going to my dad's anymore and can't even take seeing him it makes me sick for the past roughly year i have stood up ofor myself i will not be hurt again i can't take it anymore. Well my mom is just mad b/c she went through him yelling and being a jerk so she thinks i will be just fine.my siblings which there are five are sometimes just duplicates of my parents i am not complaining but its hard enough with my dad when my mom acts like him (which isn't so much) i go nuts. i break down this week he said i am the source of our family problems and his family came down for easter and is the gossiping family with short tempers. Everyone has to know everything or their mission fails.
anyway they are trying to open up the situation to the family and i have been trying to keep it quiet and they lie all the time to each other and back stab each other w/o the other ever knowing and i am just in aww they believe anyone in their little knit and if anyone goes against anyone inthe knit aka - me they suffer
i have finaly got this family to exept me and now feel like its falling apart. I hate crying but i can't help it sometimes. i just can't take this or don't know what to do well
if God didn't think i could make it through he wouldn't of put me in this situation but i just am at this huge desert and have a choice give up and pretend again. or stand and might loose everything i don't know what to choose let alone how to feel i have been trying to control my emotions and run away buti just can't sometimes . Please tell me what i am doing wrong or if i can do something i just don't know anymore and especially don't know if i can keep going on strong

 

[vimto]

Now, it's just not easy to understand what you are going through, so to begin with I'll just say a little prayer to as the Lord to stay beside you and give you wisdom.

Hold on tight, and do what you think (not feel) is right. Jesus never said we would avoid life and it's problems. Families should be a blessing but all of God's good gifts can be made ugly by our sin.

As God's child, you are loved and protected. This life is not a sprint. It might take a while to sort things out. But Jesus is with you every step of the way. When it is sorted out you will have learned many a spiritual lesson including long-suffering, a fruit that can only grow through the long hard nights.

Calm yourself before the Lord. Be still in your heart. Be of good cheer even in the depths, for the waters shall not overtake you. Stand your ground if you know it to be right. Be kindly and gentle even when you are being firm. Pray, praise and read the Word, and walk with the Spirit.

God is working. These are days of grace.

Yours in Christ,

 

[pyroqueen2423]

Thank you

your totally right this will work itself our to God's plan not mine He will make this work

God bless

 

[Peckens]

i actually know exactly how u feel

the only family i really have left all hate each other, my grandpa, uncle (basically like my dad, my real dad basically abandoned 4 of his kids 2x), mom, and aunt. the other day my mom tried blaming the whole thing on me saying that the fight is my fault and when ever i even talk about it they say im just looking for attention. then they put me in the middle of it telling me "u tell her" or "u tell him". these ppl are all 40+ years old and they wont even talk to each other. they quote all the time "I HATE THEM". the other day i even threatned my mom to kill myself and she said go right ahead.

not much i can do i guess im almost 17 and my plans are by the time im 18 is to just leave and forget them and once again they all said go right ahead and they dont care

 

[full_of_faith]

i actually know exactly how u feel

the only family i really have left all hate each other, my grandpa, uncle (basically like my dad, my real dad basically abandoned 4 of his kids 2x), mom, and aunt. the other day my mom tried blaming the whole thing on me saying that the fight is my fault and when ever i even talk about it they say im just looking for attention. then they put me in the middle of it telling me "u tell her" or "u tell him". these ppl are all 40+ years old and they wont even talk to each other. they quote all the time "I HATE THEM". the other day i even threatned my mom to kill myself and she said go right ahead.

not much i can do i guess im almost 17 and my plans are by the time im 18 is to just leave and forget them and once again they all said go right ahead and they dont care

Do you have a pastor that you can talk to? Or a trusted friend or a friend's parent that you can talk to?

All I can say is hang in there and try to save as much money as you can so you can move out as soon as you possibly can. I realize your family is your family, but they sound like they have a lot of problems. They are blaming you for their problems. It is very easy to blame someone else for their problems instead of looking at themselves to see what is wrong with the situation.

I am sorry you are going through this.