Exposing someone...

[Jody7818]

I recently caught a married man looking at personals websites on a computer at the library. He goes to the same church as I do and lives in the same neighborhood as my girlfriend. I have spoken with him on occasions, and he always seemed like a nice person.

After he was finished using the computer, I began searching the history of the webpages that he had been viewing. He had been viewing several provacative personals profiles of different women. I caught him a second time viewing the personals websites on a later date. However, this time I setup a fake account to portray a single woman seeking a single guy.

Maybe I shouldn't have done this...I don't really know. I just had to know for myself how far this guy would have went just to meet other women online. So...I emailed him with the fake name. He responded by saying he wasn't married and that he was interested in meeting me. I stopped it there. I felt like he had gone far enough in his wrong doing. Since this guy and his wife were both a part of the kids ministry at our church, I felt like our pastor should know who is working under his leadership. I certainly didn't want to turn a blind eye to this situation. So I anonomously wrote the pastor a letter providing the email messages this guy wrote to me. I also sent blog messages that his wife wrote that would further incriminate him. A couple of weeks went by, and this guy is now very bitter toward me. I can understand this in a way...but does he really think he wasn't doing anything wrong? Furthermore, his wife seems to be bitter as well. Is she condoning her husbands wrongful actions?

I feel kinda like a bad guy now for telling our pastor what was going on. I also feel bad for portraying as a single female seeking a single male. I feel like I had to do this in order to tell where his heart was really at.

Has anyone else been in this kind of situation before? Any advice on what I can say to ease his mind on my motive for telling the pastor about his ways? I didn't mean for this to be a personal action toward him. It was a way of exposing bad seed in the ministry. If he was simply an attender of the church rather than a part of the ministry, then I would have talked with him man to man rather than speaking to the pastor.

 

[AngelDove1]

Hi,

wow! this is a hard one....
My advice.......
Leave it alone now,let God work it out,
through the pastors. I'm sure the pastor knows what he has to do.
If he is a man of God,I'm sure God will guide him.

As for this man,he got caught.Sometimes God permits
things like this one...to see what we would do.
What if he hadn't been see by you.
How far would he have taken it with someone else
that is not christian,or a teenager or worse.
To bad his wife has to be involved.Consequences
of his behavior.He chose his game.

Moses didn't want to rom the desert for 40 yrs either.
But he was chosen by God to lead them.
And alot happened to them.

Don't know if this is the right thing to say....
but you were a spy for God's ppl.
Will he be teaching Sunday school know
with what he did? And with what the pastor knows?

Confess it to God,ask God for forgiveness.
then.....


Now "Let Go and Let God"

 

[loyal357]

I understand why you did what you did but honestly whatever is done in the dark will come to the light. Who's to say the pastor that you told doesn't have any skeleton's in his closet? It's too late to say what should have been done but the best thing to do now is to leave it alone and let the husband and wife deal with this on their own.

 

[Ave Maria]

All you can really do now is pray for him. Ask him for forgiveness as well if you feel as though you should.

 

[loyal357]

All you can really do now is pray for him. Ask him for forgiveness as well if you feel as though you should.

I agree

 

[AngelDove1]

sorry....

 

[Godslilgurlalways]

Hi,

wow! this is a hard one....
My advice.......
Leave it alone now,let God work it out,
through the pastors. I'm sure the pastor knows what he has to do.
If he is a man of God,I'm sure God will guide him.

As for this man,he got caught.Sometimes God permits
things like this one...to see what we would do.
What if he hadn't been see by you.
How far would he have taken it with someone else
that is not christian,or a teenager or worse.
To bad his wife has to be involved.Consequences
of his behavior.He chose his game.

Moses didn't want to rom the desert for 40 yrs either.
But he was chosen by God to lead them.
And alot happened to them.

Don't know if this is the right thing to say....
but you were a spy for God's ppl.
Will he be teaching Sunday school know
with what he did? And with what the pastor knows?

Confess it to God,ask God for forgiveness.
then.....


Now "Let Go and Let God"

I agree

 

[BoranJarami]

As a general rule of thumb, in these situations I find it best to follow Matthew 18:15-17. It works wonders.

I do have a question though. If you sent the letter anonomously, then how would the guy and his wife know to be bitter toward you?

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Jody7818


Take it from a retired Private Investigator, I think there's REAL HOPE for you!!!


Our job may of sounded CREWL to others but you have a VERY IMPORTANT job to do that comes out of GOD'S WORD:

Ephesians
Chapter 5


" For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.

Live as children of light, for light produces every kind of goodness and righteousness and truth.

Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.


Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness; rather expose them, for it is shameful even to mention the things done by them in secret; but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says: "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light. "


Ephesians
Chapter 6

" Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil.

For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.

Therefore, put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground.

So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate, and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace.

In all circumstances, hold faith as a shield, to quench all (the) flaming arrows of the evil one.

And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. "



You felt a calling, were in the right place, reported this to the proper person that's responsible for handling this, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF OR FEEL BAD ABOUT.


If we never feel PAIN, then we have no reason to change. You may well helped this person save his soul by bringing him to decision.


WHY IS IT THAT NO ONE LIKES A COP??? MAYBE THEY CAN'T STAND THE HEAT!!! LOL



WHATEVER, JUST REMEMBER:






X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O
( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

 

[Jody7818]

I do have a question though. If you sent the letter anonomously, then how would the guy and his wife know to be bitter toward you?

For one, the husband may have actually seen me at the library. And two...they may have seen me visit their blog website under my own screen name. They probably put two and two together.

For safety reasons, I was hoping they wouldn't find out it was me doing the exposing because I really don't know what kind of potential these two people have. My gf lives just a few houses away from these two, and I don't want them to start harassing her. So far, nothing has happened. They are simply ignoring us at all cost. Which is probably what they will continue to do. I guess worst case scenario...they may slander me a little by telling lies of how I harassed them by visiting their blog site and making the fake screenname to get the husband in trouble.

In this case, their friends may begin asking what happened, and I seriously doubt the husband and wife team are going to confess what the husband did. Instead, they are going to get the attention off of them and place it on somone else...which is me. Therefore, I'll most likely be labeled the bad guy who falsely got them into trouble. Which doesn't really matter because God knows what happened. And that's all that matters.

 

[Jody7818]

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement and advice. It means alot

 

[CherryB]

Doesnt your actions portray you as being just as bad as he is.

Remember God sees all, so leave it to God to deal with.

There is an old saying that goes:
Never trouble, trouble, until trouble trouble's you.
Its good advice to live by.

 

[Jody7818]

Doesnt your actions portray you as being just as bad as he is.

Remember God sees all, so leave it to God to deal with.

In 1 Corinthians 5:1, Paul states that there was people who reported to him about sexual sins in their own church.

1 Corinthians 5:1
"It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you..."

Ugghh...I seriously doubt I'm "as bad as he is." Would it had been better if I did nothing, sit back and see what would have happened in the long run? Did you read my original post where I said he was a part of the children's ministry? Would you want your own child to partake in a ministry with a leadership figure such as he? Did you watch the news a few years ago when several ministers were exposed for their misbehaviour toward little children? It happens. Just imagine the consequences if I would have said nothing....

Iif anything serious would have happened in the kid's ministry, I would feel extremely guilty for knowing what was going on and putting a blind eye to it.

 

[CherryB]

In your first post you stated that you should not have done what you did: checking the websites that he had viewed setting up a fake account, you know within your self what you did was wrong.
You said that he is part of the kids ministry, what he was viewing was nothing to do with children.
Have you considered that he might have a marriage problem and could really do with a friend to talk too.
Why not approach him with what you know and hear his side of the story he might need your prayers and friendship.

 

[Jody7818]

In your first post you stated that you should not have done what you did: checking the websites that he had viewed setting up a fake account, you know within your self what you did was wrong.
You said that he is part of the kids ministry, what he was viewing was nothing to do with children.
Have you considered that he might have a marriage problem and could really do with a friend to talk too.
Why not approach him with what you know and hear his side of the story he might need your prayers and friendship.

I see where you are coming from when you say he may have been having a marriage problem. But this wasn't the case according to his wife's blog site. She would always writing how wonderful their relationship was after one year of marriage. So it seemed their relationship was fine. Furthermore, he shouldn't be looking at adult related profiles even if his marriage is at jeopardy.

I felt like I had to make the fake account just to have some sort of evidence against him so that my story would have been credible. Simply telling the pastor of our church that the husband is doing wrong wouldn't be enough. It would be my story against the husband's story. I had to have proof. Using the fake profile, the husband gave me his cell phone number and email, and he told me to call him sometime and asked if we could meet (which I never did call, contact, nor met him after this message). His email and cell phone number was a match to information his wife posted in a past blog message that she wrote. That's how it was proved.

 

[Jody7818]

Cherry

I do feel like what I have done was wrong. I made that clear in my first post. I'm here to recieve some sort of encouragement and advice in this situation. Please don't make remarks as to compare me to the bad husband who was sneaking behind his wife and trying to pickup women on the internet. In which, he very well may have already followed through with meeting women.

Again...I felt like I had two choices: say nothing or say something. I would have honestly felt worse if I would have said nothing.

 

[CherryB]

Even if his wife says the marriage is fine maybe he feels there is a problem.

And maybe he gave you his number because he feels that he could make a friend of you, it really does point to the fact that he needs someone to talk to.
Before you tell on him, why not meet him and find out his side of the story.
And yes, its wrong what he was doing and he knows it too, but we all sin sometimes.

 

[Jody7818]

Even if his wife says the marriage is fine maybe he feels there is a problem.

And maybe he gave you his number because he feels that he could make a friend of you, it really does point to the fact that he needs someone to talk to.
Before you tell on him, why not meet him and find out his side of the story.
And yes, its wrong what he was doing and he knows it too, but we all sin sometimes.

I'm not going to go in detail about different little things he said that led me to believe he was looking to cheat on his wife. Just trust me...he was looking to cheat.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Jody7818


Why would you feel bad about standing on GOD'S WORD???


Private Investigation is like going on a coon hunt. You put out the dogs and they do everything they can to tree the coon. Then you go to the tree and make sounds like a coon screaming and the coon gets mad, thinks there's a fight and jumps into the dogs to whip them. Believe me if there isn't at least four dogs a coon can kill a dog.


BUT


Just as soon as he jumps in the middle of the dogs they have him stretched by all fours so he can't tear them up.


The chase is one thing but the minute they stretch the coon I always felt sorry for the coon. Folks around here eat those coons.


I know why you feel bad but you should NEVER be ashamed of standing on GOD'S WORD. As you can see by these other folks comments they would of just let it go on in the NAME of COMFORT. It takes COURAGE to do what you have done.


GOD'S WORD says you will be caught were you least expect it.


That's why folks need to read GOD'S WORD and have it locked in their hearts. Then you would not be facing such posts.


I WONDER IF THEY REMEMBER:





X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O
( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

 

[CherryB]

Dear Jody7818


Why would you feel bad about standing on GOD'S WORD???


Private Investigation is like going on a coon hunt. You put out the dogs and they do everything they can to tree the coon. Then you go to the tree and make sounds like a coon screaming and the coon gets mad, thinks there's a fight and jumps into the dogs to whip them. Believe me if there isn't at least four dogs a coon can kill a dog.


BUT


Just as soon as he jumps in the middle of the dogs they have him stretched by all fours so he can't tear them up.


The chase is one thing but the minute they stretch the coon I always felt sorry for the coon. Folks around here eat those coons.


I know why you feel bad but you should NEVER be ashamed of standing on GOD'S WORD. As you can see by these other folks comments they would of just let it go on in the NAME of COMFORT. It takes COURAGE to do what you have done.


GOD'S WORD says you will be caught were you least expect it.


That's why folks need to read GOD'S WORD and have it locked in their hearts. Then you would not be facing such posts.


I WONDER IF THEY REMEMBER:





X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O
( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

What are you really trying to say in your post?