Exit Strategies?

[JohnDB]

OK...for the sake of argument...
Lets say that you are involved with another person and where you do care for them...you simply don't want to date them any longer.

You want no more romantic engagements with this person...maybe as a friend later but...you really don't want to date them any longer.


How do you dump them? You do care about their feelings...you most certainly do not want to hurt them...even if only just a little bit for the missed match which you know is gonna happen. How do you accomplish that task?

 

[GloryOfTheLamb]

The truth sounds like a winner

 

[Bitnd12]

Yeah, just tell them the truth.

 

[JohnDB]

So...

You two are advocating telling them that they would suck for me or you as a life partner and would cause us all kinds of misery?

For some reason this doesn't exactly sound like caring or grace. That sort of sounds like scraping the scum off of your shoe...and making them feel like that.

not exactly what I had in mind.

 

[mina]

in honesty , tell them that you no longer want to date them because you feel you are moving in another direction. You don't have to put them down or think up a lie. Dumping someone is never easy, but you don't have to be mean about it and it's cruel to keep leading them on in the relationship if you know it's no good for you.

 

[GloryOfTheLamb]

Would suck or would not be good for you as a life partner? You are adding hateful words that aren't needed. Just tell her the truth.

 

[JohnDB]

Would suck or would not be good for you as a life partner? You are adding hateful words that aren't needed. Just tell her the truth.

It must be morning everywhere today. Even here cause yawl ain't understanding what I am talking about.

OK...obviously we don't use harsh or cruel words.
(and there is no one in my life that needs to be let down easy at the moment)This is merely a discussion topic....K?

But what I was interested in was what precisely you think that letting a person down easy looks like.

How do you go about it...how do you let a person down easy?
Telling them the truth is part of it...OBVIOUSLY or else we wouldn't be discussing it.

So...what does it look like to you when you are letting someone down easy?

 

[GloryOfTheLamb]

You tell them that you need to talk to them, and then you gently tell them everything you are feeling. I'm not sure why it's confusing. Hard maybe, but not confusing.

 

[Oddish]

Just say that you don't think that you are compatible, that you want different things from life, and you don't see you two heading anywhere. The truth may hurt at first but it is better for her to know now so that she won't waste more time and energy,

 

[welshman]

Jump on a plane to Rio



























Or do the right thing and be honest with her...and tell her how you feel in a loving way.

 

[smacarena]

Tell her "mission accomplished."

 

[Lange]

Hey,

Six words: "You look fat in those jeans." (j/k)

I think that a cliche is nice because many times they're true and comforting to hear. Like, it's not you, it's me; or I'm trying to focus on [blank].

Sorry it's working out like this

- Regards​

 

[CoachR64]

There really is no such thing as letting someone down easy. Trying to do that usually causes way more problems than it solves. Being straight up honest isn't just the best policy, but should be the only policy. No matter how you do it, you can not control how the other person reacts. The only thing you can control is you, and being honest and up front is within your control.

Coach

 

[Tallerthanatree]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt2x9RjJuLM

 

[Oddish]

I think that a cliche is nice because many times they're true and comforting to hear. Like, it's not you, it's me; or I'm trying to focus on [blank].

​

No.

 

[Tallerthanatree]

"Baby, its not me; its you."

 

[Inkachu]

This is why I advocate NOT getting romantically involved with people you don't already know relatively well. I don't believe in "getting to know someone through dating" because this is exactly what happens 99% of the time (the other 1% of the time, you stay together forever and wind up married).

John, you know perfectly well that you can tell the truth in a KIND way. Instead of saying "We'd suck together and I'd be completely miserable in a relationship with you" you can say "You're a wonderful person, but I just don't feel any long-term potential or chemistry. I wish you the best, and I'm very sorry if I've hurt you."

Seriously. Duh.

 

[JohnDB]

This is why I advocate NOT getting romantically involved with people you don't already know relatively well. I don't believe in "getting to know someone through dating" because this is exactly what happens 99% of the time (the other 1% of the time, you stay together forever and wind up married).

John, you know perfectly well that you can tell the truth in a KIND way. Instead of saying "We'd suck together and I'd be completely miserable in a relationship with you" you can say "You're a wonderful person, but I just don't feel any long-term potential or chemistry. I wish you the best, and I'm very sorry if I've hurt you."

Seriously. Duh.

I do know this. And most people do have a heart when it comes down to this.

But what I was looking for was how you express your heart in such matters. Everyone is different than others in how they do this.

Some use standard cliche' patterns and lines...others give them a message from their heart...all depending upon the person and how that person handles relationships.

And I was curious.

And where curiosity did kill the cat...
Satisfaction brought him back.

 

[welshman]

Amen

This is why I advocate NOT getting romantically involved with people you don't already know relatively well. I don't believe in "getting to know someone through dating" because this is exactly what happens 99% of the time (the other 1% of the time, you stay together forever and wind up married).

John, you know perfectly well that you can tell the truth in a KIND way. Instead of saying "We'd suck together and I'd be completely miserable in a relationship with you" you can say "You're a wonderful person, but I just don't feel any long-term potential or chemistry. I wish you the best, and I'm very sorry if I've hurt you."

Seriously. Duh.

 

[Tabasco]

OK...for the sake of argument...
Lets say that you are involved with another person and where you do care for them...you simply don't want to date them any longer.

You want no more romantic engagements with this person...maybe as a friend later but...you really don't want to date them any longer.

How do you dump them? You do care about their feelings...you most certainly do not want to hurt them...even if only just a little bit for the missed match which you know is gonna happen. How do you accomplish that task?

There is no delicate way to dump someone - no matter how tactful you are, it is going to hurt that person. I tend to have a sort of "messiah" complex when it comes to break-ups (that is, I wish I could take all the pain upon myself), but it is impossible. She will be hurt and, believe it or not, so will you (unless you don't have a soul, which I'm sure you do).