Existential crisis

[dabro]

This is what happened to me about 3 yr's ago. Nobody not even me knew that there was a name for it. But I started to ? my mortality. I started to ? whether or not I was living a lie. I have had this happen when I went thru my psychosis back in 05. Then it hit again. It's very scary because I want to leave everything in God's hands but, I lose faith. I've been obsessing whether or not I'm dead. It's very hard for me to deal with this because you know the end result is punishment for the life I used to live. See before I became a christian I tried to commit suicide. I don't know if I succeded or failed. All I know is that I woke up in detox and everything around me is different. I was using exstasy mushroons. Ice (meth) jane and alot of drugs. And I'm going thru this crisis right now and I'm like when is it going to end. When am I just going to give up questioning my life and accept that I am safe. These are the things I go thru and even tho I don't have cancer, it feels as tho I do.