Ex is getting married

[Xen_Antares]

Ok well recently I have been doing ok. I took advice to keep myself busy after my dating fiasco, so weeks pass on, Im doing destruction work on the house me and my brother bought, trying to make it look good, unfortunatley we had to tear the insides out to build it all back.

A friend spoke with me recently and told me my exgf is engaged to be married now, and all the emotions I had for her came back like a tidal wave. I guess Im somewhat selfish, but I wasnt happy to hear it. I guess I should be happy that she finally found someone who makes her happy, I guess I always hoped we had a chance to get back together and make things right. Now it doesnt look like thats going to happen. So this weekend I have been quite depressed.

I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself, there are people out there with alot worse problems than I, but I cant help but feel Im being left behind. Maybe this comes from my bestfriend who is 40 and never been married? He claims hes happy, but hes not, hes spoken to me and its obvious to all outsiders hes not happy. Now Im only 26 but of all the friends I have (asside from the 40 yo) only three of them are single, two are like me and searching, the other wants to find that one girl, but he has two or three girls so hes content.

Now Im pretty sure what most of the replies here will consist of, everybody telling me to pray, and in time everything will work out. To be perfectly honest, Ive been burned too many times to believe that way anymore. Its going back to that old saying fool me once shame on you, fool me again shame on me. I honestly question on whether or not I have been forgotten, or if my prayers are lost, forgotten, not heard or unimportant. Its got to be one of them because they sure as heck aint working, I know God says no sometimes, but a yes every now and then would be appreciated.

Well Im going to have to get back and finish ripping the walls down so we can start rebuilding, we want to make our June 15 deadline we made for ourselves, and the work doesnt do itself unfortunatley.

I know this looks like another pity party thread, but I really needed to vent. I really am happy that my friends, including my ex have found people to make them happy, I really am. I want the same thing, but I constantly feel as Im on a treadmill no matter how fast or slow I walk I get nowhere, while I have to watch and listen to my friends as they enjoy it.

Thanks for the vent.

 

[hockeysistah234]

I'm dealing with the same thing right now, but you know, time heals all wounds and it get easier and easier when you lean on the Lord, read his word, fellowship and get involved in people. And you need to move on and get on with life and not dwell on the things in the past.

It is not healthy.

God has a mate made for us, but we have to wait upon him. Until them, keep seeking and keep serving the Lord.

 

[klewlis]

God is not capable of forgetting about you or losing track of your prayers. He is also incapable of ignoring your needs. He knows what you need before you even ask, and he ALWAYS has your best interests in mind. So you need to trust him even though he doesn't immediately give you what you want--he is completely in control of the situation and when he decides that it's time to send you a girl, he'll send her to you, and not a moment sooner.

You're only 26! You still have the rest of your life! (I'll be 26 in a few weeks too!)

 

[wvmtnkid]

Venting is good! It helps get stuff out of your system.

While it may not be the best for you, it is quite normal to feel the way you are feeling. Someone you hoped to be with is moving on with their lives and getting married. Sure there is going to be some mourning for that relationship, even if it is over and done with. It shows that you really and truly cared for her. Nothing wrong with that.

Now comes the part you knew was coming-all I know to do is to give your hurt and confusion to God. He's really the only one who can handle it. No other person on earth can fix it. (Though it sounds like tearing down some of those walls might be a good way to physically work out some frustration! ) Why sometimes it takes so long, I wish I knew. But I rest assured in the fact that God does.

And if it makes you feel better, time really does help. I ran into an old boyfriend this weekend. When we broke up several years ago, I literally wanted to die. He cheated on me and broke my heart in many, many pieces. He has since married the person he cheated on me with. I can honestly say that when I saw him this Sunday, there was actually no feeling. I'm not in love with him anymore and I don't hate him (well, I never really hated him). So time does take away that hurt and make it bearable to see them again with feeling like someone is stabbing you in the heart.

Hang in the there, Xen Antares. This too shall pass.

 

[hockeysistah234]

And if it makes you feel better, time really does help. I ran into an old boyfriend this weekend. When we broke up several years ago, I literally wanted to die. He cheated on me and broke my heart in many, many pieces. He has since married the person he cheated on me with. I can honestly say that when I saw him this Sunday, there was actually no feeling. I'm not in love with him anymore and I don't hate him (well, I never really hated him). So time does take away that hurt and make it bearable to see them again with feeling like someone is stabbing you in the heart.

I'm dealing with that--same thing happened to me, he cheated on me and then he is getting married also. You feel sometimes that it is your fault the relationshp ended. I'm trying to heal right now, but everytime I think of what he and her done to me, I get furious.

Now it subiciding, but everytime I read about an engagement or a marriage you think sometimes that God has passed you by and there is no hope ever for you to marry.

Sorry to vent this morning...

 

[Stanfi]

Xen,

What you are experiecing is not abnormal, and yes it sucks. To love someone and come out on the losing end is not fun. I know from my own experinence that it is easy to begin to doubt God's presence in your life, and whether he realizes what you truly need.

However, we must rest assured that God is fully present and that he does love us beyond measure. If God took someone out of our lives, it was for our own good. Kind of like taking a sharp knife from a toddler.

Yes, God will heal your pain, and yes it does take time, and no I don't know why. Other than healing takes times. When you cut your body, it takes time for it to heal, and they same with your heart and emotions. When they are cut, they take time to heal.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Xen,

Seems like a lot of us have had similar situations. About a year ago I wrote an ex for closure and to answer the "what ifs." I knew there was a good possibility he was married. Received an email about a month later indicating that he indeed was married and things are good.

Cried like a baby half of the day.

It hurt a lot. I didn't realize that it would effect me in that way. I was depressed for the next few days. I was truely happy for him that he had found happiness, but a little bit of feeling sorry for myself as ALL of my friends have found someone and are married. I don't even have any prospects. What was wrong with me, etc., etc., etc. (All of this happened when I wasn't a Christian).

The depressed feelings over that situation went away. I am truely happy for him and now think, looking back, that I'm glad it didn't work out. Sometimes the things that we WANT and the things that God knows we NEED are opposites. I don't think He's not listening to you. The question, rather, are you listening to Him? I know before I was so busy doing things that I thought would make me happy, but it never worked out and I ended up twice as hurt as before. Because what's going on in my life right now, I realize that there is other stuff that I must do and take care of before the relationship I WANT comes to be (if it ever does).

 

[jenptcfan]

Seeing someone you love(d) move on with their life really hurts sometimes. I'm sorry you're dealing with all this hurt right now.

Around November of last year, my long-term ex boyfriend told me that he was dating a girl pretty seriously and might marry her. He and I had been broken up for quite some time and had remained friends. I didn't realize that I had feelings for him still, but for about a month or two I hurt so bad. I hurt to the point where I was physically ill, couldn't eat much, couldn't stop crying...

It's just tough. I got through it by praying a lot and time has healed these wounds too. The healing isn't instant...the hurt is too big for the healing to be instant. But don't give up on God. He even knows how many hairs are on your head (Matt. 10:30) and if he cares enough to keep up with something "trivial" like that, he surely knows the hurt you're going through.

Psalm 56

8You've kept track of my every toss and turn
through the sleepless nights,
Each tear entered in your ledger,
each ache written in your book.

Hang in there. You are not alone, and you are not forgotten.

 

[Neel]

Hey , I know how ya feel my X-G/F called me to tell me she was getting married after we had been split up for 3 years LoL I was like.........So LoL Why are you calling and telling me " I mean theres is a reason there your X right " Just keep praying if it bothers you, and all will be well ! This is coming from allot of experiance

 

[seangoh]

sigh...i haven't got into any such situations but i know i will.. ..if only God will come soon.

 

[theFijian]

Yup it's happened to me too. I my ex from university days got married two years ago, 4 years after we split and less than two years after we almost got back together. That hurt a lot, I was pretty depressed for a good few weeks. I was reading the Job at the time and that really helped me get through it.

On my more cynical days i wonder if I actually believe in Love anymore, well, ever finding Love again for myself at any rate. On my good days, I know that if it is a God-honouring desire I have in my heart He will fulfil it to his glory.

Right no I'm single and just trying to be a better christian. Some days I mistakenly think that if I stive to be a better christian God will reward me with a partner, but I know that just as Psalm 34 says 'Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart', I must seek first the Kingdom of God, and these things will be added unto me.

peace,
Andy

 

[Koop]

I cry for you bro. I know the feeling all too well. My ex of 3 years left mew 6 months ago, and hooked up with another guy 2 weeks after we broke up. She says she still wants to be friends but never acts like it. The woman i was about to marry now cares for someone else..... It just doesn't seem to make sense does it? I can't offer any great advice other than have faith. I"ll be praying for ya.