Everything revolves around the kids

[Rebekka]

You would have loved the discussion in parenting a while back about picky eaters "my child is a fussy eater and only likes hot dogs and chicken nuggets" A few of us who advised the 'then they go hungry' route were shouted down as meanies.

Ha! Yes, my SIL thinks I'm evil too for making a friendly comment on her son's pickiness. I should Not Have Said That. So I will never comment on it again. They can spoil their child if they want, and he's not my son (although the not-eating happened to be in my house, my food, my rules, right?). But it doesn't exactly make me love my SIL more.

Let them be hungry for a while - worked with me when I was a child! I too had a few things that I didn't have to eat (spinach, brussels sprouts, endive) - but that was a short list! The kids I know have lists as short as mine - but they are of the things they DO eat, not of the things they DON'T eat! And there's never any vegetable on the DO list! That can't be healthy. My two nieces eat fries, pancakes, sausages - I think that's it. They must be underfed, missing all sorts of nutrition. The youngest is the skinniest little thing I ever saw, the eldest is overweight.

I love sauerbraten too!

 

[snoochface]

I've never even heard of sauerbraten

 

[KittyCatCurledUp]

I've never even heard of sauerbraten

It's pot roast that you marinate in cider vinegar, sugar, onions, cloves, and a bay leaf for 2 or 3 days. Your fridge will get stinky, lol. It gives the meat a tang. If you put gingersnaps in the gravy, you'll make it sweet, so it's almost like sweet and sour pot roast. Everyone has a different recipe -- my mother's / grandmother's will make your face pucker, while mine is more on the sweet 'n sour / sweet side.

 

[KittyCatCurledUp]

Ha!

That's great. I probably would have said that they'd better stop by KFC on the way because I already had the ingredients.

Silliness.

My cousin was a picky eater. We used to trade off having sleepovers at each other's houses. My parents laughed when she listed the "only" things she ate (it was a short list!) and gave her the same thing they'd cooked for us. After the hunger set in, she ate it.

Every time we go over there for dinner, it's always KFC. :-o

 

[KittyCatCurledUp]

Ha! Yes, my SIL thinks I'm evil too for making a friendly comment on her son's pickiness. I should Not Have Said That. So I will never comment on it again. They can spoil their child if they want, and he's not my son (although the not-eating happened to be in my house, my food, my rules, right?). But it doesn't exactly make me love my SIL more.

Let them be hungry for a while - worked with me when I was a child! I too had a few things that I didn't have to eat (spinach, brussels sprouts, endive) - but that was a short list! The kids I know have lists as short as mine - but they are of the things they DO eat, not of the things they DON'T eat! And there's never any vegetable on the DO list! That can't be healthy. My two nieces eat fries, pancakes, sausages - I think that's it. They must be underfed, missing all sorts of nutrition. The youngest is the skinniest little thing I ever saw, the eldest is overweight.

I love sauerbraten too!

Whoopsie.... yeah I make it a rule to reserve comment and just be super nice about it, because who knows how someone is going to take good-intentioned comments, and I really don't know the whole story. It seems to be a sensitive subject. (But hey, I get midly annoyed when people say: "Wow your cat is so fat!" No she's not, her breed is big boned, and she just looks that way when sitting. So I just remember my sticking points and try to steer clear of the subject! :-o )

 

[Rebekka]

Whoopsie.... yeah I make it a rule to reserve comment and just be super nice about it, because who knows how someone is going to take good-intentioned comments, and I really don't know the whole story. It seems to be a sensitive subject. (But hey, I get midly annoyed when people say: "Wow your cat is so fat!" No she's not, her breed is big boned, and she just looks that way when sitting. So I just remember my sticking points and try to steer clear of the subject! :-o )

It IS sensitive. Sometimes you have to comment on something, though - if it's in your house, for example, and the kids are breaking something or making a mess or whatever. I have some issues with my SIL because she doesn't teach her son how to behave, and when he's not in his own home, he should learn to obey to other people's rules. I don't think it's too rude to make a friendly comment that you don't like it when your nephew draws on your couch. Yet that's exactly what my SIL got angry about. (Well actually it was on my parents' couch.) It's none of my business, right? Well, it's not her couch, either! Her son may be allowed to draw on his own couch, but if she thinks that it's OK to draw on grandpa's couch then she's making a mistake! So what's OK to say and what isn't? I won't have my property damaged (or worse, my cats) just to avoid stepping on overly sensitive parents' toes!

Also, maybe it hurts the mother if I try to have her son eat some of my delicious food, but whose feelings are more important - hers or mine? I'm hurt when her son refuses to eat my food, when he calls it disgusting, and when she does nothing to correct that behaviour! He kept whining for over an hour. (She openly insulted my cooking too - while she never cooks, and it was really delicious - I know what I'm good at). So yes, non-parents can be sensitive too, and I wish my SIL would see that.

 

[fuzzymel]

You would have loved the discussion in parenting a while back about picky eaters "my child is a fussy eater and only likes hot dogs and chicken nuggets" A few of us who advised the 'then they go hungry' route were shouted down as meanies.

Oh I am so glad to see there are still parents like you around!

I dont believe kids know what they like and dont like at young ages. A lot of it is in the mind. I know because i was a picky eater. Nowdays I wont not eat something because it has a funny name or it looks a little strange. I have missed out on so much good food because of being picky.

 

[GolfingMom]

As a lurking parent I really don't get it either. I would certainly not expect snacks to be taken away just so my children didn't eat too much of them (exception was when my darling brother started passing around a bag of lollies at a family get together not long after my 2yo was diagnosed with diabetes ) Am I allowed to vent here too?

I actually had two thoughts after reading this story- 1) I hate bbqs when the food is cooked late and there are NO snacks offered beforehand. The children (and adults) get hungry and grumpy waiting.

2) If it's a casual bbq, not a formal dinner, then I wouldn't really care if my children filled up on the snacks and didn't eat lunch. At most bbqs I go to the lunch is not really any more nutritious than the snacks anyway.

Just my 2 cents.

Parent here who totally agrees...

I'd like to address two points.

First, I think that what happened at the OP's barbecue is a symptom of a larger problem in society. That is, adults are expected to make sacrifices for the sake of children. You see examples of this everywhere: a fairly recent example of this was the kerfluffle here on Christian Forums about the types of discussions that went on in the Married Couples Only forum: several people wanted that forum censored because "children might read it." Well, here's an idea: how about PARENTS make sure what their children are up to, rather than expecting the rest of the community to do it for them.

I don't expect the computer to watch my kids...That's why I'm here right?

I agree with everyone here...that they could have monitored their kid and overall one day of junk food won't hurt (barring any specific medical issues, of course) as long as it's not indicative of their overall diet.

I had a relative inform me, upon my inviting her for dinner, that her child was a picky eater. Apparently if fried chicken and french fries were not on the menu she would just skip dinner. So: yikes, you never know! :-o

You would have loved the discussion in parenting a while back about picky eaters "my child is a fussy eater and only likes hot dogs and chicken nuggets" A few of us who advised the 'then they go hungry' route were shouted down as meanies.

I'm a meanie. Kiddo's know if they don't eat what's on their plate they get nothing else. That's why they are able to eat anything from Sushi to creamed spinach to brocolli to pork chops... I'm also a parent that likes good discussions so kiddo's can either sit and listen to a political discussion or play quietly in their room.

 

[GolfingMom]

It IS sensitive. Sometimes you have to comment on something, though - if it's in your house, for example, and the kids are breaking something or making a mess or whatever. I have some issues with my SIL because she doesn't teach her son how to behave, and when he's not in his own home, he should learn to obey to other people's rules. I don't think it's too rude to make a friendly comment that you don't like it when your nephew draws on your couch. Yet that's exactly what my SIL got angry about. (Well actually it was on my parents' couch.) It's none of my business, right? Well, it's not her couch, either! Her son may be allowed to draw on his own couch, but if she thinks that it's OK to draw on grandpa's couch then she's making a mistake! So what's OK to say and what isn't? I won't have my property damaged (or worse, my cats) just to avoid stepping on overly sensitive parents' toes!

Also, maybe it hurts the mother if I try to have her son eat some of my delicious food, but whose feelings are more important - hers or mine? I'm hurt when her son refuses to eat my food, when he calls it disgusting, and when she does nothing to correct that behaviour! He kept whining for over an hour. (She openly insulted my cooking too - while she never cooks, and it was really delicious - I know what I'm good at). So yes, non-parents can be sensitive too, and I wish my SIL would see that.

Your house, your rules. I say you are allowed to vocalize your rules and expectations. I don't allow drawing on the couch or playing with computers (kiddo's don't touch the computer or TV for that matter) and that stays true at other ppls homes and if other kiddo's come to our home.
As far as food goes...I wouldn't bother making him eat or making any special food for him. I'd just let him sit there and stare...but that's me

 

[KittyCatCurledUp]

It IS sensitive. Sometimes you have to comment on something, though - if it's in your house, for example, and the kids are breaking something or making a mess or whatever. I have some issues with my SIL because she doesn't teach her son how to behave, and when he's not in his own home, he should learn to obey to other people's rules. I don't think it's too rude to make a friendly comment that you don't like it when your nephew draws on your couch. Yet that's exactly what my SIL got angry about. (Well actually it was on my parents' couch.) It's none of my business, right? Well, it's not her couch, either! Her son may be allowed to draw on his own couch, but if she thinks that it's OK to draw on grandpa's couch then she's making a mistake! So what's OK to say and what isn't? I won't have my property damaged (or worse, my cats) just to avoid stepping on overly sensitive parents' toes!

Also, maybe it hurts the mother if I try to have her son eat some of my delicious food, but whose feelings are more important - hers or mine? I'm hurt when her son refuses to eat my food, when he calls it disgusting, and when she does nothing to correct that behaviour! He kept whining for over an hour. (She openly insulted my cooking too - while she never cooks, and it was really delicious - I know what I'm good at). So yes, non-parents can be sensitive too, and I wish my SIL would see that.

Oh dear!!! Yeah if they are destroying your property, definitely you have to say something! I'm a bit of a doormat though. I am a really good cook too, and none of my relatives will ever let me cook. They'll bring over ready made stuff instead of the appetizer or dessert that I told them I was planning. So to make them feel better, I eat the sugary Costco....stuff.... and make mine for dh another day. It's their loss.

Why did wash mouth come up, I didn't say anything profane? Anyhoo. If they were insulting you openly then of course, it's your right to say something. How hurtful!!!! Bil thinks my food is "weird" because his mother doesn't really cook, so.....I just assume he won't eat it. People are so rude. *sigh* I've just given up any expectations of civility, I guess.

I didn't mean to imply that non-parents didn't have feelings!!! :-o I didn't mean to offend you!!

*whisper* Dh and I just silently give thanks they're not ours. Heh heh.

 

[Rebekka]

Parent here who totally agrees...




I don't expect the computer to watch my kids...That's why I'm here right?






I'm a meanie. Kiddo's know if they don't eat what's on their plate they get nothing else. That's why they are able to eat anything from Sushi to creamed spinach to brocolli to pork chops... I'm also a parent that likes good discussions so kiddo's can either sit and listen to a political discussion or play quietly in their room.

We need more parents like you, GolfingMom - that would greatly benefit society!

 

[GolfingMom]

We need more parents like you, GolfingMom - that would greatly benefit society!

I know Totally kidding.

 

[KittyCatCurledUp]

It IS sensitive. Sometimes you have to comment on something, though - if it's in your house, for example, and the kids are breaking something or making a mess or whatever. I have some issues with my SIL because she doesn't teach her son how to behave, and when he's not in his own home, he should learn to obey to other people's rules. I don't think it's too rude to make a friendly comment that you don't like it when your nephew draws on your couch. Yet that's exactly what my SIL got angry about. (Well actually it was on my parents' couch.) It's none of my business, right? Well, it's not her couch, either! Her son may be allowed to draw on his own couch, but if she thinks that it's OK to draw on grandpa's couch then she's making a mistake! So what's OK to say and what isn't? I won't have my property damaged (or worse, my cats) just to avoid stepping on overly sensitive parents' toes!

Also, maybe it hurts the mother if I try to have her son eat some of my delicious food, but whose feelings are more important - hers or mine? I'm hurt when her son refuses to eat my food, when he calls it disgusting, and when she does nothing to correct that behaviour! He kept whining for over an hour. (She openly insulted my cooking too - while she never cooks, and it was really delicious - I know what I'm good at). So yes, non-parents can be sensitive too, and I wish my SIL would see that.

Another thing about the property issue. I remember one party where my cousin's kid accidentally broke a piece of a display chess board. My cousin and mother hid the chess piece and left it for the host to discover later.

That kind of thing stinks, I mean, the host wouldn't have flipped out, accidents happen, but it would have been respectful to explain what had happened. Even other parents sometimes assume other parents will be oversensitive, I guess.

 

[fuzzymel]

Another thing about the property issue. I remember one party where my cousin's kid accidentally broke a piece of a display chess board. My cousin and mother hid the chess piece and left it for the host to discover later.

That kind of thing stinks, I mean, the host wouldn't have flipped out, accidents happen, but it would have been respectful to explain what had happened. Even other parents sometimes assume other parents will be oversensitive, I guess.

Thats very unfair on the host. It would probably put him/her having people over again. I think I would be more mad at someone hiding it than admitting it.

 

[bluebug83]

In defense of picky eaters....I've been one my whole life, and although I've loosened up in older age, I still have those tendencies. I've pinned it on being very sensitive to texture, taste, and smell, and there are some things I just CANNOT stand - so much that I gag as I try to get it down.

But, I think there is a point where people need to be reasonable. For example, "I won't eat that because it's not the RIGHT KIND of peanut butter!". And I also think there's no harm in asking a kid to try something once. They're allowed to not like it, but if they don't try it, they have no excuse.

And if after that the kid has a legit reason to not like what's being prepared, I say that mommy and daddy are responsible for providing an alternate meal.

 

[invisiblebabe]

In defense of picky eaters....I've been one my whole life, and although I've loosened up in older age, I still have those tendencies. I've pinned it on being very sensitive to texture, taste, and smell, and there are some things I just CANNOT stand - so much that I gag as I try to get it down.

But, I think there is a point where people need to be reasonable. For example, "I won't eat that because it's not the RIGHT KIND of peanut butter!". And I also think there's no harm in asking a kid to try something once. They're allowed to not like it, but if they don't try it, they have no excuse.

And if after that the kid has a legit reason to not like what's being prepared, I say that mommy and daddy are responsible for providing an alternate meal.

I agree, although I'd say there are good reasons for not wanting to even try something... in particular if they hate the smell of it (some food smells make me want to throw up).

 

[Rebekka]

I agree, although I'd say there are good reasons for not wanting to even try something... in particular if they hate the smell of it (some food smells make me want to throw up).

Yes there are some people who are really sensitive in this department. But many children are just afraid to taste something new. Children are extremely conservative. And you can't develop your taste unless you try new things.

It's nonsense to allow children to only eat unhealthy greasy salty fast food. That's not healthy. And I know a lot of children (well, relatively speaking - not an absolute lot because I don't know a lot of children - but of all the children I know, most are extremely picky eaters that only eat fastfood) who will only eat fast food. If children always get their way they will still only eat fast food as adults, and die at a young age, extremely obese.

 

[missymouse]

I have three children (just lurking through), but just a few thoughts.

I think its fine if you don't have children, just as its not a one size fits all world, not everyone needs to have children (for many reasons).

Also, what a bad BB-Q, why not have healthy snacks for the kids, let them have a little of the bad snack too, start cooking earlier etc.

But, I do have to say, that the reason why things tend to revolve around the kids, is because by design it has to. You bring a child in the world they are basically a blank and you are resonsible for filling it up. Fill it up with good, or bad, the one who is primarily responsible is the parent. If we like it or not, that job is a 24 hour a day job, with no breaks, vacations and it is a whole lot of work. Much of it is fun, and shapes you in positive ways, but still no breaks, until they are old enough to direct themselves.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

But, I do have to say, that the reason why things tend to revolve around the kids, is because by design it has to. You bring a child in the world they are basically a blank and you are resonsible for filling it up. Fill it up with good, or bad, the one who is primarily responsible is the parent. If we like it or not, that job is a 24 hour a day job, with no breaks, vacations and it is a whole lot of work. Much of it is fun, and shapes you in positive ways, but still no breaks, until they are old enough to direct themselves.

Fair enough, but I wasn't talking about when a parent's life revolves around their kids. I'm fine with that! I was talking about when a parent expects everyone else's life (and plans) to revolve around their kids. Like, no one got to eat, because one mom didn't want her kids to eat too much. I think what you're talking about is a different subject entirely.

 

[Rebekka]

Fair enough, but I wasn't talking about when a parent's life revolves around their kids. I'm fine with that! I was talking about when a parent expects everyone else's life (and plans) to revolve around their kids. Like, no one got to eat, because one mom didn't want her kids to eat too much. I think what you're talking about is a different subject entirely.

Yes, I agree, that's a completely different subject. My life revolves around my husband (and my cats), but I don't expect other people's lives to revolve around my husband (or my cats). Yet with children, it is sometimes an unwritten law that everything revolves around them, period.

I notice that when I'm somewhere and my nephew is there, too. All he says is important, and what other people say is apparently worthless because he gets to interrupt everyone, and no one should talk when he is talking. He is starting to develop tyrannical traits, and that's because his parents are of the "everything revolves around the kids" opinion. But kids need structure, and they need to learn that it is unrealistic to expect that everything revolves around you. If they don't learn that when they're young, they will get such a hard life when they're older.