Ever Noticed...or Is It Just Me???

[tonya]

Have you ever notice that when you are divorced or separated that folks are constantly on you to date someone...trying to be matchmaker?? AND if you don't that they think you are just awful?? I have been going through this lately and I guess I just needed to rant..BUT I DO NOT want to date ANYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am quite enjoying raising my daughter, working, being with friends, and going to church...figuring out who I am and just trying to be the godly person God would have me to be..I feel strongly convicted to be reconciled to my ex..or be alone..I apologize if not everybody has that conviction but I do and I pray daily for my family to be put back together...BUT all of that is between me and God and that is the path I feel He is leading me...Does anyone else ever get the same flack I do (especially from family) that I do???

 

[Yitzchak]

I was fixed up with dozens of women whuile I was seperated and not even divorced yet. It was as if there was a grapevine in our church. The day my divorce papers went through, I had three women calling me.
It happens to us all I guess. Famliy members , some wanted me married and some wanted me to never get married again. You just have to follow your heart and ride it out.

 

[LadyDJ]

I've been lucky...my family and friends have never been the type to play matchmaker for me or anyone.

 

[bkg]

Yup... sometimes I admittedly bring it on myself, though, either by joking around or being "real". People ask how I'm doing, and if I'm honest, they seem more likely to want to fix me up. But it's admittedly for this reason that I'm frankly tired of hanging out with friends, family, etc. Oddly, it's making me want to be around the people I need the most, less and less. I'm the same way, Tonya, I just want to be left alone with regards to the whole dating thing. Let me get through the divorce on my own and stop telling me that a) I should be dating or b) you have someone you want me to meet or c) my ex is doing better than I am or d) I'll find someone else soon.

Oddly enough - it's Christians more often than not who can't understand my position. Seems that it should be the opposite.

 

[Southern Cross]

..I apologize if not everybody has that conviction but I do and I pray daily for my family to be put back together...

No need to apologize to anyone. It seems as if the Christian culture is predisposed to marriage regardless of how you feel (directly the opposite of secular society where fewer people want to get married or are determined to stay in it for the long haul). I've known of people who would arrange marriages if you'd let them - just skip the dating because they know best and just go get hitched, LOL! Everyone - and I mean everyone - will want to fix you up, and I've seen this with friends and sometimes the results are disasterous. Oh, yeah, be prepared for someone to come up and tell you something like "God told me you have to date this guy...". Run, run away as fast as you can ! So you've got a lot of well meaning people trying to tell you to find someone else they think is right for you!

I'm not divorced - not yet. I want true reconciliation with my wife. I'll know soon enough if that's possible. But regardless, I've already got a couple of family members trying to give me dating tips and a good friend has already told me he knows a "Godly woman" I might be interested in. I sort of roll my eyes and start doing a mean imitation of coughing up a fur ball. I think people mean well, I really do. People are more concerned for the kids, and seem to miss the point that I'm totally fine with raising them on my own if it becomes necessary.

BUT, sometimes it's a temptation because I think about the possibilities with other women until God tugs at my heart and helps me to realize it's an empty pursuit, especially while I'm still married. Just so tired of the whole divorce threat.

Besides feigning siezures every time someone tries to match you up with a guy, or getting your undies in a bunch, simply tell your friends to back off. Tell them your true desire - to be back together with your husband. If it happens, wouldn't that be an incredible testimony to God's faithfulness and how important a marriage really is? If it doesn't happen - you've remained strong and shown your true colors by keeping that faith for as long as it's realistically possible.

 

[LegacyOfLove]

You should not be pressured into dating if you don't want to. I'd just politely decline others "friendly" invitations to set you up on a date. If that doesn't work, tell them you're not interested at all at this point and that you are perfectly happy with the choice that you are making. You really don't need to explain to everyone why you feel the way that you do. Let God be your guide and give yourself time to heal....

 

[Lucky_Skunk]

I have always heard that it is good to not make any big changes in your life for a year after you lose a spouse, whether it be death or divorce.

 

[Yitzchak]

Matchmaking is a huge industry both on the internet and off. I guess it runs like any other business on supply and demand.
I finally decided that most of the people who approached me about fixing me up or dating me the week after my divorce had their own issues which ahd nothing to do with me. So I learned not to take it personally.
It took quite a while to sort otu who was really trying to be helpful and who was just acting out of their own selfish issues.

 

[tonya]

Thanks for the replies...it just seems that most people do not understand...that is nobody but some of my friends here on the christian forum...hugs to ya all!!!