ever felt numb...

[soyness]

where you don't care anymore! i am so apathetic to everything. i giveup.

Elaboration:
The Phrase: Just be yourself. It's so easy to say it. Just like that. But c'mon in society, a type of people is favored over another. I'm not charismatic, nor socially talkative. Someone called me a social awkward, a best friend of mine. She apolegized for putting it so bluntly, but I knew what she meant. I don't care about a lot of things. I'm not a detailed person. I don't care much about materialist things. I know in christianity, supposedly we're not supposed to look for world's riches. But i'm seeing all my christian peers doing it, being crazy about just everything going in the world, whether it'd be ipods, or types of food, or types of makeups, blah, blah, blah. I don't think God created me to be interested in those minor details. that makes me into a really bad conversationist. I just like to be sentimental and just philosophical. And besides, i'm a psychology major in graduate school.

I guess i'm just the unflattering type, type that likes to keep life simple, too simply maybe some would say. Naive is just another word. Small things satisfy me. or i think so. it seems like to really click with people, you gotta be a connoiser of everything around you and just be able to be suave, have that charisma which i lack.

To be honest, this depresses me. I'm a good person. I take great lengths and efforts to build friendships. I feel like i'm pulling the string. If people find me a bore, which i think they do, i feel ignored and rejected. This may only be a perception, and i'm hoping it's just a perception.

I'm just sick of this. I'm just sick of trying to connect with people, because i've always wanted that connection. I'm just terribly lonely. Even in crowded rooms. People have the ability to say things freely, i'm just socially awkward to the core. I don't have social skills basically, and I feel like I'm paying for it or something. i'm just tired.

 

[pentecostalgirl0414]

I know how you feel. I feel that way now! Hope that things get better for you!

 

[mannysee]

soyness, i hope that the little that you have expressed here, is a bit more that you have given over to God and your load has been lightened

 

[]RiSeN[]

Soyness, lol, i think you might be my soulmate lol! and if not, im sure we could still have GREAT conversations, about meaningful things, im not a psycology major, but i am a sensitive philosopher.

When you sit in a crowded room of your friends or people you know, are you really envious of their tedious, repetitive conversations about the unimportant? I was once the wallflower too, and then i during my wild days, i turned in to the "life of the party". Its empty. Your not missing anything, except maybe greif and regret. Even though i was "cool", i'd sit there and think, good Lord, do these ppl really care about this? can they be this shallow? how can someone know so much about so little? how long can two ppl talk about what J-lo is wearing before the universe folds over and collapses out of sheer disgust for the disrespect these ppl are showing their brains? And if i was feeling adventurous id say something insightful, and they would " like totally" agree, with a blank stare in their eyes, then back to Beyonce's hair or some ****. I think its a mid-twenties puberty of the mind, some of us just develope faster than others. Sadly some never grow out of it. Doesnt mean they're bad ppl, they just, somehow, get to worry about less. "Ignorance is bliss".
If you do want to talk, im setting the table, you bring the foodforthought, and we'll both enjoy

 

[soyness]

mannys- I do go to God. It's still hard.
Fallen: I like your comments. Thanks for the insight.

 

[Jeshu]

Yeah I feel like this as well most of the time especially when I'm down (like now) I gues we have to learn to respect the 'empty headed' talk of the majority before we can find some place of respite for ourselves again.

 

[RSteel]

What to say what to say. I really liked your post...it made a lot of sense to me. I feel that way most of the time. I'm starting a new job where I'll be talking pretty much all the time...at least that's what I assume. So maybe that will help me with things. Right now though I so want to be a part of things...I'm getting tired of just sitting around doing nothing. Sometimes, patience is a virtue...but patience is so difficult! I'm waiting for my life to just drop out of the sky. I'm waiting for peace just to come to me. And, sometimes...God is slow! At least that's how it seems sometimes. Although I know he always gives us what we need. I just want peace in my life...and love...a blissful feeling. I'm tired of waiting for it. I'm tired of waiting for God to come to me.

 

[Endearing lil Influenza]

oh my... I'm like that too... and I thought that was supposed to be normal!

 

[]RiSeN[]

Anytime.

 

[mikeforjesus]

Im suffering the same way.... but maybe thats coz of my social anxiety? But even with the rare ppl im not shy with I dont have much to say.

 

[RSteel]

I know exactly what you mean. I feel that way all the time. I just feel so...useless. It's a weird and terrible feeling sometimes. Sometimes I just wanna lock myself in my room, but I know that wouldn't help. In fact, that would probably be the worst thing for me. Then sometimes, it feels like I have too much passion for things. I'm tired of it! I just want it all to go away! BLAH! lol

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

Yes, I have felt that way... I feel that way alot.

-Jo.