Ever dated or married a divorced person

[FCAL79]

Hello everyone,

I was wondering to the other Christians out there ever dated or marry a person who has ever been divorced?

I was reading in the New Testament & it said you should never marry a divorced person. I think it was Matthew 5:32, I read it now & I think I misunderstood, so I'm wondering if you people can help me out. I think this divorced person liked me, but I wasn't so sure, & I'm kickiing myself. So did you ever date or marry a divorced person? If not would you?

 

[puddleoffaith]

I would much rather date someone that is divorced than someone that lived together with someone for years with no marriage. At least you know a divorced person would be willing to commit to you. They may also have learned a thing or two from their previous marriage.

 

[peanutbutter12]

There is a difference between personal opinion and following God's word sometimes. This is a very heated topic sometimes on this board and I've heard every excuse made as to why someone's previous marriage was "annulled with the blessing of God to find another" for this or that reason. A lot of these people are picking and choosing what they want to believe rather than believing in God's word in it's entirety.

The bottom line is that, yes, the Bible does discuss this in detail and Matthew is quite clear on how serious an issue it is. There are no hidden meanings in the messages or loopholes of "well, I wasn't a Christian when I got married or neither was he". The message was written for all, not just those who believe it.

 

[Windmill]

I don't think the Bible has a problem with you dating someone who got divorced by the other- but if the person initiated the divorce for reasons other than adultry, then its wrong, plain and simple, because the act of the divorce was morally bankrupt.

 

[epiclesis]

It would depend for me on why they got divorced.

If it was for valid reason, such as abuse, or cheating, etc... I would have no problem with it.

If it was for really no reason other than got bored with it, I would be concerned and question it, and see it as a red flag and question that persons commitment.

 

[Weasel7711]

Im going to try to give my opinion while trying not to fall into this barrel of monkeys.

Follow your convictions. If you cannot date a divorced woman with a clean conscience then don't. If you can, do it.

 

[puddleoffaith]

I realize the Bible says that adultery is the only reason for divorce. But to be honest, I'd be less likely to divorce someone for cheating than to divorce someone that beat me up all the time.
So...if a woman divorces someone because he's given her one too many black eyes, is that a reason not to date her? Just because it isn't biblical? But it is ok to date the women who's husband ran off with the secretary?
Something doesn't seem right.

I would, however, refuse to date someone that divorced his wife on the grounds that "they didn't seem right for each other"...because romance dies but commitement lives on.

 

[quitespirit]

I have not dated a divorced man. However I believe there is an aspect of this issue not yet addressed. In 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 says a couple interesting things about divorce.

One is that a believer should remained married to an unbelieving spouse if he is pleased to with with her. In the greek this 'pleased' word looks like an agreeable-ness. I have a friend who lived in a marriage with a troubling husband. She set some minimal standards of what being 'pleased' to be with her looked like and expected him to uphold that. (I mean very basic, like come home each night). This verse is in the word of God and whatever the interpritation, it has a purpose.

Secondly, we read that if the unbeliever departs then the believer is 'not under bondage'. So I believe if the unbeliever initiates a divorce that the believer is freed of their commitment.

Lastly in verse 10 and 11 the word speaks to believers:
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

It may not be popular, but it is not unclear.

 

[Weasel7711]

I realize the Bible says that adultery is the only reason for divorce. But to be honest, I'd be less likely to divorce someone for cheating than to divorce someone that beat me up all the time.
So...if a woman divorces someone because he's given her one too many black eyes, is that a reason not to date her? Just because it isn't biblical? But it is ok to date the women who's husband ran off with the secretary?
Something doesn't seem right.

I would, however, refuse to date someone that divorced his wife on the grounds that "they didn't seem right for each other"...because romance dies but commitment lives on.

I agree. (except for the fact that romance dies, I think any good marriage will nurture romance)

My interpretation of that scripture, looking at the context, is that it was fairly common for Jewish men in that era to marry a woman, have some fun, maybe a few children, then once she wasn't desirable or her food stopped being tasty, divorce her. Pretty much any reason the man found that was undesirable, he would divorce her. Based on the passage in Deuteronomy 24:

Law of Divorce

1"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some (A)indecency in her, and (B)he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, 2and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife,
3and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife,
4then her (C)former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.
5"(D)When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall (E)give happiness to his wife whom he has taken.

Of course this passage was taken out of context by those men, because from what I can see through the cross referencing was that the word indecency in verse 1 means uncleanliness, defilement, unchasteness (meaning she was not a virgin). I believe this is what Jesus was addressing. He gives the flat out statement in Matthew 5, but explains it better in Mark 10.

Jesus' Teaching about Divorce

1(A)Getting up, He went from there to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan; crowds gathered around Him again, and, (B)according to His custom, He once more began to teach them. 2Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife.
3And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?"
4They said, "(C)Moses permitted a man TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY."
5But Jesus said to them, "(D)Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.
6"But (E)from the beginning of creation, God (F)MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE.
7"(G)FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER[a],
8(H)AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9"What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
10In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again.
11And He said to them, "(I)Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her;
12and (J)if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."

Obviously the Law of Moses allowed them to do it, but only because (as verse 5 states) of the hardness of their hearts. This says to me that divorce is an extremely serious matter to God and it is a sin, just as adultery is a sin, since you have entered into the covenant (a commitment unto death) of marriage and this covenant is only broken by death or adultery as Christ says. Whatsoever God has joined together, let no man separate. When you divorce you are tearing apart what God has placed together. In the case of abuse, I can take a few logical perspectives but in the end the sin guilt lies on the shoulders of the one who is abusing.
The husband who abuses his wife as a lifestyle, is very obviously unsaved. He is also breaking the marriage covenant, because if he continues in this behavior he will probably eventually end up killing his wife. Thus I can see that as a valid reason for divorce since the bond has been broken. Thus the guilt lies on his shoulders for the divorce. Vice versa for women abusing men.

That being said that divorce in nearly every single case is a sin, God forgives sin and restores. I am a firm believer in reconciliation. The divorced believer, if they are desiring to be remarried should earnestly seek reconciliation. If the ex-spouse is unwilling they are free to remarry, otherwise if the ex-spouse is willing to reconcile, they must be willing to reconcile as well, otherwise they are guilty of adultery.

No exact scripture to back up my interpretation but that's just what I see from what scripture states in other areas.

 

[Weasel7711]

Just a side note, 1 Corinthians 7 is not necessarily speaking on the morality of divorce and remarriage, rather, from they context I conclude that it is speaking of remaining in the condition you were in when you were saved. Since there were some teaching you should be married to be a Christian, others said you should be single, new believers in Corinth were getting married/divorced/circumcised/uncircumcised because of what they thought were requirements of being a Christian. Paul was saying to the church, remain as you are. This is clearly illustrated multiple times in that passage, namely verses 17-20.

 

[CavFan]

My fiance is divorced and I have no problem with it. I think it depends on personal preference. I see nothing wrong with it, especially in his situation, as his ex-wife was having an affair.

 

[InvisibleViolet]

My boyfriend is divorced. They had moved to my area a few years into their marriage and his wife decided she didn't like the small town lifestyle so she took all the money out of the bank and maxed out the credit cards so she could move back to her home town.

 

[charligirl]

If you want chapter and verse on the biblical explanations on divorce and remarriage search the 'remarrriage' forum in the marriage forum. you'll find eloquent arguments from both sides, both with scriptural back up!

I am married to a divorced man. It was God 100% - I had always said I would not marry a divorcee - There is life after divorce and God does bless second marriages. BUT if after studying it through you do not have a clear conscience then don;t do it

 

[penNpaper]

I got engaged once and I regretted doing that

Oh well sometimes you gotta learned that lesson..

Regards,
Drew

 

[newbie7]

I never thought I would date someone who had been married, until i met my bf. I had a very hard time with it until I talked to my mother who asked some very simple questions ie. circumstances, infidelity? etc. Basically his wife left him and to this day he says that no matter how unhappy he never would have left. He did not leave children behind or with an unwarranted reason, so why write him off?

 

[holo]

This is a very heated topic sometimes on this board and I've heard every excuse made as to why someone's previous marriage was "annulled with the blessing of God to find another" for this or that reason. A lot of these people are picking and choosing what they want to believe rather than believing in God's word in it's entirety.

That's true. It's particularly interesting to see how people are yelling about "following the bible" and refusing re-marriage while ignoring what the bible says about covering your head when you pray and so forth.

So the real question isn't whether or not somebody "follows the bible" (that's just a cheap accusations against people who don't agree with one particular interpretation of it), but how the bible should be intepreted. The question is, when Paul talks about marriage and divorce etc, is he really talking to you and me? Has God made some sort of law about it, that you and I are subject to?

 

[ItalianAngel]

I did go out with a man who was divorced (he also has three daughters who were in their early teens at the time). It didn't work out between us. It had nothing do do with the fact that he was married before or that he has kids. He had too many personal issues and we discovered we really didn't have much in common.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

God hates divorce. He is also a loving God that has compassion on us sinners. He wouldn't have sent His son to die for us otherwise, right?

Every possible scenario cannot be fit into the Bible. I think it is naiive to think that you can say with authority that one person can remarry and the other cannot without a lot of experience and prayer for wisdom.

Look at the purpose for God wanting people to stay married; for the welfare of the children, for the good of the husband and wife, the stability. There are situations where staying in the marriage is detrimental to the kids or one of the spouses and there is no physical beating or proof of adultery. If you've never been in such a situation or hurt for a friend going through it (if they admit to the problems), then you really can't even understand it. Normal people have no idea how evil people can be to their own kids or spouses.

Marriage is entered into without proper preparation or advice all too often. Don't date someone you wouldn't consider marrying. Marriage should be permanent and needs to be cherished and cultivated.

I would be concerned about someone who "grew apart" from their spouse, but I've also learned that someone who has been cheated on can also be a really poor bet for a spouse. There is never an excuse for adultery, but it brings up all kinds of questions about how long the marriage was bad, or what kind of a person did they marry in the first place. I'd be the first to admit I married someone with a disturbing past. Finding out who initiated the divorce is only the first step. It's been my experience that different facets of a person become much clearer after 3 months. It's wise to go slowly.

 

[wonderwoman]

No one has a right to judge anyone else for the choices they make. The fact is that each situation is different, and only God Himself will deal with it. People are far too quick to assume the Bible is a blanket solution for every problem, but it isn't. The Bible is a guide to God, and once you get there, you have to actually have a continuing -personal- relationship with Him, not just reading the same words on paper that man wrote down. People taking it too literally are the ones who descriminate and judge others.

Further more, almost every single person that claims the Bible is the single source of how to do -everything- in a particular situation, are almost always ignoring something -else- in the Bible for their own lives. The fact is, God gave us independence and freedom, and intelligent minds, and individual/unique everything. As a result, our relationship with God is unique and has to be handled on an individual basis.

Judge as you like, but only God will judge me, and you, based not at all on how we each thought of each other's lives.

I pick and choose nothing. I ask God what I should do, and He gives me a personal answer. That's living faith. Without that, Christianity is nothing but a dead faith.

That's all I'll say any longer, I'm unsubscribing, because it strikes too close to me to see people say that victims of abuse are destined to a life of solitude. Which I used to -believe-! Luckily, God has guided me differently.

~ Lynn

If you don't mind me asking, by abuse what do you mean? He physically hit you or he left you alone all the time? I'm just asking because you said "a life of solitude" wasn't sure what you meant by it.

 

[wonderwoman]

I agree. (except for the fact that romance dies, I think any good marriage will nurture romance)

My interpretation of that scripture, looking at the context, is that it was fairly common for Jewish men in that era to marry a woman, have some fun, maybe a few children, then once she wasn't desirable or her food stopped being tasty, divorce her. Pretty much any reason the man found that was undesirable, he would divorce her. Based on the passage in Deuteronomy 24:
Of course this passage was taken out of context by those men, because from what I can see through the cross referencing was that the word indecency in verse 1 means uncleanliness, defilement, unchasteness (meaning she was not a virgin). I believe this is what Jesus was addressing. He gives the flat out statement in Matthew 5, but explains it better in Mark 10.
Obviously the Law of Moses allowed them to do it, but only because (as verse 5 states) of the hardness of their hearts. This says to me that divorce is an extremely serious matter to God and it is a sin, just as adultery is a sin, since you have entered into the covenant (a commitment unto death) of marriage and this covenant is only broken by death or adultery as Christ says. Whatsoever God has joined together, let no man separate. When you divorce you are tearing apart what God has placed together. In the case of abuse, I can take a few logical perspectives but in the end the sin guilt lies on the shoulders of the one who is abusing.
The husband who abuses his wife as a lifestyle, is very obviously unsaved. He is also breaking the marriage covenant, because if he continues in this behavior he will probably eventually end up killing his wife. Thus I can see that as a valid reason for divorce since the bond has been broken. Thus the guilt lies on his shoulders for the divorce. Vice versa for women abusing men.

That being said that divorce in nearly every single case is a sin, God forgives sin and restores. I am a firm believer in reconciliation. The divorced believer, if they are desiring to be remarried should earnestly seek reconciliation. If the ex-spouse is unwilling they are free to remarry, otherwise if the ex-spouse is willing to reconcile, they must be willing to reconcile as well, otherwise they are guilty of adultery.

No exact scripture to back up my interpretation but that's just what I see from what scripture states in other areas.

i'm really sleepy while reading your post, so forgive me if i missed something, but are you saying Jesus's teaching is that even if your spouse commits adultery you should still remain married even if he/she continues to commit adultery? Are you saying only abandonment by the other spouse is a valid reason to divorce and remarry according to biblical teaching?