Ever been the victim of a preconceived notion?

[Out of the Flames]

The subject of tonight's church service and another thread got me thinking- How many of us have been the victim of another person's (wrong) preconceived notion? You know what I mean- the people who look at you like a turd that fell from the sky and began singing opera. The people who judge you before they've even taken the time to talk to you.

No matter how secure you are as a person, those people always manage to bring you down, because they don't even know you, but they will form an opinion of you based on little more than what you look like, what you wear, who you interact with or even what they've only heard from another person.

Just tonight, I met a young man with magenta, aquamarine, and canary colored, spiked hair with multiple lip, nose and eyebrow piercings, dressed all in white. The looks that a lot of people gave him would make one think he was Satan himself sent to destroy us all. But I had an opportunity to speak to him for a few minutes before service and he's a very articulate, polite, well rounded individual with phenomenal musical talents. It turns out that his appearance was part of a research paper he's writing for his human behavior class. (All but the eyebrow piercings were fake and he had to use half a bottle of styling gel to make his hair stand in 4 inch spikes.)

How often do you feel judged like that? How often do you judge someone like that? Even on these forums, I have seen people belittled and criticized by other Christians for nothing more than a few words in disagreement with a post. I've seen debates turn into catfights. I've seen fun discussions turn to childish name calling. I've even seen people attack and condemn another based on a post that was made specifically to cause trouble. I will admit that I am guilty of some type of judgement almost every day.

Jesus Christ, the one man with the authority to judge all, still saw fit to forgive and embrace rather than judge and condemn. We as Christians are not perfect by any means. We are not meant to be, nor should we act like it. Why would we go to church and read our bibles if we were truly perfect? Jesus said, "I have come to call sinners, not those who think they are already good enough."

So before you write someone off as bad, weird, stupid or unworthy, remember how great it feels to be forgiven by the Greatest Judge of them all and loved for all your bad, weird, or stupid traits. Then look at the person you judged again, through His eyes.

"Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did." - 1 John 2:6

 

[heavenliejediofthebeach]

i do my best not to judge, cuz it reallie isnt are place..we are not worthy as to make such as is the almighty just..

goodpost OoTf

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

good post.

 

[TheDatelessLoserX2]

I can empathize. I try not to judge others based on blind thought (not knowing them) or preconcieved notions, because sometimes I am the target of them myself, so I know what they go through. Its amazing how many people get a pass because others assume wrongly about them.

 

[Stanfi]

This is a good thought! I try not to be judgmental of people, but I know that I do whether I want to or not. It is so easy to just look at someone, and determine their religous beliefs, or sexual orientation. We all fail.

Since this is a singles forum. Yes I have been misjudged. I tend to be quiet, in person until I get to know someone, and feel comfortable around them. I even told this to a lady I was sort of seeing. However, she was around me in person 3 times, and assumed that since I was quiet we could not relate and I had poor communication skills.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Some of my best friends thought I was a complete jerk when they first saw me. Most people assume, just from looking at me I guess, that I'm mean and arrogant.

I'm not BTW. I can't count how many conversations I've had where somebodies explaining to me that they had me all wrong.

 

[jenptcfan]

This is a good post. Very thought provoking.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

We've all been judged by others and we all have judged.

This is an area that I really, really am trying hard to work on. All my life I've sized up people so I knew how to "prepare" for possible interaction with them. May seem silly to some, I'm sure.

Like Iklepac, most people who get to know me, have such a different opinion of me prior to getting to know me. It's weird and I wonder WHY people have such an opinion--usually negative--of me.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

This is a good thought! I try not to be judgmental of people, but I know that I do whether I want to or not. It is so easy to just look at someone, and determine their religous beliefs, or sexual orientation. We all fail.

Since this is a singles forum. Yes I have been misjudged. I tend to be quiet, in person until I get to know someone, and feel comfortable around them. I even told this to a lady I was sort of seeing. However, she was around me in person 3 times, and assumed that since I was quiet we could not relate and I had poor communication skills.

I can relate, Mr. Stace. I am quiet until I get to know someone too unless I can tell from first meeting that they have a sense of humour and can kind of judge about how much of a sense of humour they have. In college I had two roomates...one was a party animal, the other the studious type. I consider myself somewhere in between. However, friends of my party animal roomate would meet me and assume I was just like my studious roomate. I didn't necessarily want their approval or anything because I wasn't into the drinking scene or whatever they did on the weekends. But I didn't think it was fair to lump me in a certain category and assume I'm some boring chick within the first five minutes of talking.

As for my judging others....where I live there are a lot of uneducated and impoverished people. My 'judgement', if you will, is a tendency to think 'dumb redneck' or some other stereotype especially when I see someone who looks the part acting obnoxious in a store or something. It's a terrible thing and is just as bad as assuming someone is evil because they have a zillion piercings/tatoos/whatever. A lot of times though, I catch myself and think of the saying "there by the grace of God go I." My mother came from similar circumstances and if she hadn't moved away from her family and gotten a nursing degree I would probably have ended up no different than the ones I get annoyed with. Definitely puts things in perspective.

 

[Leader of the Banned]

John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

I could share countless stories.

 

[Out of the Flames]

As for my judging others....where I live there are a lot of uneducated and impoverished people. My 'judgement', if you will, is a tendency to think 'dumb redneck' or some other stereotype especially when I see someone who looks the part acting obnoxious in a store or something. It's a terrible thing and is just as bad as assuming someone is evil because they have a zillion piercings/tatoos/whatever. A lot of times though, I catch myself and think of the saying "there by the grace of God go I." My mother came from similar circumstances and if she hadn't moved away from her family and gotten a nursing degree I would probably have ended up no different than the ones I get annoyed with. Definitely puts things in perspective.

I used to live in an area a lot like that. I went back last year to watch my little brother graduate and noticed that many of the people who graduated in my class or even in the years following already had 3 kids and were collecting WIC and Welfare. I've always been a fairly ambitious person and for a long time I looked down on those people for not having the ambition to do something more with their lives. But a lot of those people were happy in their lifestyle and who am I to judge that?

 

[JPPT1974]

The only person that has the right to judge is the good ole Lord Almighty

 

[Tenorvoice]

I have been guilty of judging others.

There was a family that joined our church a bout a year or so ago. And when I first met them I thought that they were the most prudish stuck up people in the wolrd and that I would never have anything in common with them.

Turns out I was WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY off base on this one( boy did God prove me wrong). THey are the most fun loving people that I have meet in years. I get along with all of them great, and they have accepted me as semi-adopted brother/son.

So all I can say is the old saying here---never judge a book by its cover.

peace

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I've been fortunate to not be judged solely by the way I appear - I guess it's just cos I look like the stereotypical young female - neat, tidy, long brown hair, enthusiastic but not crass, gentle but able to stand up for herself etc etc.

However, one of my friends gets a lot of heat mainly because of how she looks. She usually has her hair in what's best described as a 'crew' cut, has a tattoo around one arm (a traditional samoan one) and is very opinionated, loud and can be rather (for lack of a better word) brash and argumentative when she wants to be. Because of her looks most assumed she was either a lesbian or completely anti-male, so when she got engaged a lot of people were highly surprised - which was very sad.

She, of course has her faults, but she is very feminine, loves her husband to bits -and I applaud her for speaking her mind. I'm just sad that some people didn't bother looking beyond the surface a few years ago (single mum, no job, looks like someone who went AWOL from the defence force) and missed out on having a wonderful friend like I do

Sasch

 

[white dove]

mmmmgood one, out of the flames..I agree, why judge based on trivial things like appearance, right? well...when I was younger, I lived by this catholic church...inhabited by, well, nuns! and everyday, I'd walk to the bus stop (the stop being right in front of the church) and this one nun..I remember it soo well..she'd always look at me like I was the spawn of ...well, you know..anyway, years went by and b/c of her attitude toward me, I'd always have this 'thing' with nuns. Now, I go to a catholic college and let me just say, I haven't come across ONE Sister that is NOT simply fun, funky and just plain jovial!!! totally smashed the illusion of the dreaded 'straight=laced=stern' nun thing I had goin' on in my head! but I agree..no judge others

 

[Apollonian]

First of all, great thoughts everyone. Care if I take them a little deeper?

I've been fascinated with this issue for a few years now (since starting college). I have come to several conclusions regarding the matter.

1. It is inevitable for people to 'judge' other people when they see them, meaning that people interpret appearances simply because without words they have no other way of learning anything about anybody else!

2. There is a distinct difference between people who act and live based upon these judgements and those who perpetually try to check them against new facts (e.g. by asking the person straight up whether something is true or not)

3. It is better to assume the best in people (judge them to be the best of all possible interpretations) rather than to assume the worst (e.g. dreadlocks = stoner, wears-all-black = evil goth, twirls-her-hair = mindless ditz, etc)

There is one thing that I still don't understand, however, that I sincerely hope we can reach some good conclusions on. If my first point is true, and we assume ourselves to be the kind of people who ask before we think/act, how are we supposed to approach people to find out about these things? In other words, if we have an obvious preconceivable notion, but we don't know the person at all - how do we meet them, bring up the issue, and resolve it without offending, hurting, or otherwise complicating things???

I have striven all my life to develop ways to understand myself and other people so that I can most efficiently and effectively overcome misunderstandings. However, I still suffer from a weakness when it comes to relating to people I don't know.

Your thoughts?

-Apollonian

 

[horuhe00]

So, are court judges sinners and going to Hell?

I'm not sure that judging in itself is a sin and wrong. I don't remember where in the Bible it is but, it's somewhere in there. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending those that ignorantly judge others for superficial things.

 

[Leader of the Banned]

Judges 4:4 And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.


Methinks we need to define what's meant by "judge"....(John 7:24, Matt 7:1-5)....

 

[white dove]

Mmmmmm...apollonian? Since we all are societal creatures (I mean, humans...) and that we deal with social constructs such as race, for example, it's hard to say HOW someone can walk up to another person (already having a preconceived notion on how this person's gonna react to him/her, what they MAY say, whether or not they washed their hair this morning, etc) and still be open enough to really get to know the other person, without letting their prejudices get in the way. We are all biased in our thinking as a society (as who we are is generally determined/influenced by genetics, environment, nature vs/nurture hoo ha and society as a whole), that's just the way it is..and so it is hard to say how one can 'break down the barriers' with others without altering the composite makeup of one's own thinking. Perhaps it'd be better if people walked around, believing in the 'innocent till proven guilty' thing so no one would ever be ostracized, harrassed or belittled simply b/c of the way one looks. Whoa..probably got WAY off track and kinda rambly..lemme simplify: When I first meet someone, I generally don't let whatever physical differences this person has come between me and this other person getting to know each other...it's usually the ATTITUDE that does that to me Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect and that I ALWAYS do this cause I don't always look past the physical (if someone gives me a psht!! look then I give them an 'oh no you di'int!' one right back sometimes~like I said, I'm not perfect) But in any case, to get to know someone, one has to start off with a clean slate..if they have done nothing TO you or in front of you, how can you judge them? case in point, a while back, I'd met this customer who is seemingly-kinda-lonely...we'd talked about this and that and the other on occasion..well, then some co-workers started talking about how she's a racist and this and that and I'm just thinking to myself 'well...I've never heard or seen any of that so how can I know that is true and how can I judge her based solely on here=say?' can't so I didn't. wow, I went wayyy off on a tangent..sorry 'bout that.

 

[white dove]

I mean, it's the wwjd thing..if Jesus were standing in front of me, would He be more concerned about how my shoes are falling apart or what my heart looks like (if IT'S falling apart)?