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Estranged

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by qwerty123, Mar 8, 2021.

  1. qwerty123

    qwerty123 New Member

    1
    +1
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Married
    My sister was my biggest christian influence growing up. She was very strong in her faith and through watching her, I became strong in mine. With our similar world view, we were extremely close. At 22 I met a lovely christian guy and got married. As the older sibling my 24 yo, sister found this really hard. She declared that God had no one for her and that she would find someone herself. Fast forward a few months and she's living with a non-christian who she hardly knew. My family were uninvited to her birthday and she moved house and didn't tell anyone where she lived. I met the guy and he told me that he hates people, hates his family, even hates himself. My sister sat there giggling as though he was super cool. I told her very firmly that what she was doing was wrong, that she shouldn't be dating him, let alone living with him (she was very open about waiting until marriage before this). She told me that until I accept him, I will not be welcome in her life and she cut me off every platform, blocking my cell etc. 4 years later, they have just gotten married. My parents were devastated. He never asked for a blessing and she never even spoke to them about it apart from an invite, even though they keep in touch as best they can. I was never invited.

    She still claims that she is a christian despite living an opposite lifestyle. He is very anti God and anti my family. My sister was the closest person to me and to be estranged from her feels wrong and ungodly. I have tried to reconnect through mutual family members but she has told them that she doesn't want my 'abuse'. Her husband has told her that I am a "judgemental christian' and to keep away from me. I don't know what to do. Family means everything to me, but this person is not my sister anymore; she is a stranger who hates me. I feel to leave it until she softens her heart but it seems she becomes harder each day. Has anyone been in a situation like this? What does the bible say? What does God say? Is there hope?
     
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  2. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,603
    United States
    Reformed
    Widowed
    Like it or not, if they are married, they are married in God's eyes. What is done is done. You should try to accept it and accept him. He seems at least honest enough about what he thinks, and that in itself says something. I like people who are what they are, without guile or pretense.
     
  3. tturt

    tturt Senior Veteran Supporter

    +5,158
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Sorry for such a difficult place. Advice? forgive and ssks the Lord to remove any bitterness and offense. Then as you said, just wait.
     
  4. bèlla

    bèlla ⭐️ Supporter

    +12,673
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    I’m sorry you’re hurting and the relationship is broken. The best thing you can do for yourself and your sister is to forgive her. She isn’t the girl you grew up with. She’s a woman now and determined to live life on her own terms.

    Condemning her choices won’t rekindle the bond nor will disparaging her husband. Only God can reach her and He’ll probably use others to do so. Not her family or friends.

    The estrangement isn’t ungodly. There’s no biblical mandate requiring us to be close with our siblings. Healthy relationships require mutual acceptance. You can’t define the bond for her. It may never be the same. Reconciliation requires forward movement. You begin where you are not where you were.

    You can’t tell her she has to be close. She must desire your company of her own volition. Give her time to reach that point and release the past. It has come and gone.

    Yours in His Service,

    ~bella
     
  5. seeking.IAM

    seeking.IAM Episcopalian Supporter

    +3,285
    United States
    Anglican
    Married
    The only thing you have the ability to change is you. Consider how you may relate to and approach her differently.
     
  6. splish- splash

    splish- splash Stepping out of my comfort zone. Supporter

    +1,020
    United Kingdom
    Christian
    Private
    May our Mighty God see you through. :crossrc:
     
  7. Gentle Lamb

    Gentle Lamb "Let there be sheep!"

    +510
    Christian
    Single
    Hi Sister, I am sorry to hear about the painful situation you are in. It is so hard to lose the relationships that are closest to us, especially the ones that sustain us as we're growing up. Have you tried praying for your sister and her husband? Pour out your heart to God concerning the pain of losing your relationship with her. God is the good shepherd who leaves the 99 to go after the 1 lost sheep. The heart of God longs for your sister's repentance and her husband's salvation like that of the prodigal son. Pray it all through, and leave it in the hands of God to work on their hearts. God bless you.
     
  8. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +7,233
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    Sounds like you could have handled that better, and by that, I mean more diplomatically. I can see how this added to her existing rebellion. Most of this is her fault, but if someone is that far gone, that's just making it harder for her to come back.

    I would say pray about where you legitimately sinned against her, despite your good intentions (Psalm 139:23-24). Where you are convicted, apologize for those things. This is not an admission that what she did - cutting off the family, and then shacking up with this unbeliever - was right, or even permissible. But perhaps it's a step in the right direction. Think of it as removing her excuses for staying away and not admitting her own faults in this.

    Second, she has to want to engage with you again. You can't force that.
     
  9. 1watchman

    1watchman Overseer Supporter

    +1,019
    Christian
    Married
    This much describes what God calls a "carnal" (or worldly) Christian, it seems; if not one who just take a name of being a 'christian' without being "born again" as John 3. You might better not speak too much against her, but show her the importance of putting the Lord Jesus FIRST in her life for eternal hope and blessings. You might counsel, but don't be her judge! That can close the door of any hope you might wish to share for her. Keep praying!
     
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