Escalating Depression

[com7fy8]

No, I was taught History and I have a piece of paper that cost 30,000 dollars that says technically I know history more than the common layman. Too bad the number of jobs that want a History bachelor's degree can be counted in one hand, all of them menial except for the smallest of elites who get a PHD and somehow manage to teach History.

I do recall reading, I think, that history is not a big job getter. And I used to hate history > it meant memorizing dates and who did what and where, and I did not care. Then one history professor said history is really about why something happened. This caught my attention; however, other than that, I can't say I remember one thing he said!!!!

But then I became a Christian and was with my mother and her manfriend, on our way to or from my uncle's camp. We were are at a college area, staying in an inn. And the college had an art exhibit about Adolph Hitler. He actually did art. I understand he was refused from art university, though, or else may be he would have been an artist instead of the dictator who had so much to do with causing World War 2 and all the trouble for the Jews.

So, from such an example, now I see that how things go in history has a lot to do with people's personalities and decisions people may make more or less in private.

So, now I see history more in terms of how personal things effect what happens. And since now I am more interested in people, history can be more interesting. In my case, this has come with realizing how Jesus wants me to love any and all people, and I see this means to take a personal interest in each person. So, this has effected how I see history and what I consider about it

I'm a fool for ever believing those people that said to follow your passions when you enter University. They should have said, "Follow your passions, only if they can get you a high paying career that won't leave you trapped in lower middle class like a wage slave."

Well, we can learn from whatever really are our mistakes, and then use our experience to help other people. I can use my own failings and faults to help me feel for others and have compassion for them >

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

I would say the advice I got was good > take a major in what can help you make a living, and take a minor in what is your passion if it is not the same as your money-making major. Also, I might enjoy history more, now that I am interested in it, but by doing only personal reading and TV discovering, so that someone else does not control what I am required to study. Because the university might make me spend a lot of time and money on things not personal, therefore not interesting so much, to me.

For another sort of example, I enjoy photography; but if I took a course, I might have to go through a lot of details and things that I would not care about. For example, they might concentrate on portrait photos of people, and I respect privacy by avoiding people though I am now interested in people. Plus, I mainly enjoy nature things.

So many engineers and people who work with computers got degrees and must be laughing their way to the bank.

I have read and been told that a lot of very well-to-do people have deep problems, and their children can be lost at home doing drugs.

"But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." (1 Timothy 6:9-10)

It doesn't say, here, that those who are rich become hurt and miserable; but all one has to do is to desire to be rich and already the person has done it in his or her heart. And such a heart interest is enough to get a person miserable - - because, I would say, the person is not satisfied.

"be content with such things as you have" (in Hebrews 13:5).

This was written to all of us; and I would say there are plenty of people who are paying dearly because of first desiring to be rich, instead of first discovering how we can be with God through Jesus.

Meanwhile here I am leeching off my father, who has more hope in me than I ever will that somehow I won't become a societal slave with no freedoms other than to work until I'm old and frail.

We care about you and are praying for you All of us can think we have not amounted to something, in some way that does not really matter. I hear, for one example, of ministers who have studied so hard and are highly praised by people, but they feel they are not amounting to something. They may be comparing themselves with the outward show of other ministries.

So, may be a "history" lesson from this is, that this world's people can teach us to value what does not really make us sound and loving people; we can be taught to go after what is mainly for our own selves, then this can bring us down or too high for our own good.

A lot of people will praise you for what does not matter . . . for what shows. And ones may tell you to do your own thing; but this can get me isolated . . . thinking I am the only one who is suffering and a failure . . . while others are doing the same thing, getting isolated and conquered by that!!

I'm not even that passionate about history anymore...I have no passions at all. Just existing for the sake of living like a worthless animal.

Sorry, everyone must be at their wits ends at this point. I already saw there was a post deleted in this thread, no doubt one laughing at how pathetic I am. Probably with the advice to kill myself for being so useless.

Depression, I have found by actual experience, can have very convincing thoughts and feelings; but I also have found that depression is a pathological liar . . . like worry is . . . and a number of other things which are negative and emotionally cruel, certainly not to be trusted.

So, I would say don't trust it; you have been given quite a dose of how mean depression is, bullying you and criticizing you. I would not trust it.

And there can be things we were taught in this world, which have helped to set us up to trust and obey the stuff of depression and other negative things like worry and unforgiveness and raging angry reacting. We, for one example, have been trained to think we do well to seek to be rich, but this can lead us into things we are not ready to handle, and then can come a lot of negative and nasty reacting about not getting what we were taught we should have, so we are suffering about not having what we do not really need, anyway.

So, there are ones who have helped us to learn the wrong thing . . . while they themselves have become miserable and have missed out on how they could have love. But instead of hating them and being unforgiving, we need to care also about others and pray for them and forgive them.

A lot of people have been misled, and helped others to get hurt, too.

But Jesus wants compassion for all of us. He is the Great Physician who can cure anything!!!

"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:29)

 

[Sheiriam]

Has anyone else ever felt infuriated having to read or listen to other people who seemingly have a more "valid" reason to be depressed? Using myself for example, I feel like a worthless waste of life and you'd all probably want to beat me bloody when you discover that I have both my parents who both love me and seem to tolerate my completely worthless existence. I live comfortably in Middle Class and overall should have lived a happy conflict free life. Yet here I am...venting on a depression sub-board because every endless night is like torture in my head.

Meanwhile other people suffer depression because someone close like parents abused them or they live in total poverty or any other example where God seems to just make your earthly life completely miserable. Yet when I hear these stories all I can feel is anger at what seems to be a competition to shut my feelings down thinking "See my life is worse than yours, you have no right to be depressed" I realize people don't intentionally do this but that's what I get out of these sob stories.

I must be some narcissist who only cares about myself, my empathy is slowly dying too. At this point I don't care, I almost want to become some soulless sociopath. It's not like I ever need to use empathy when I'm just a nobody to most people and a worthless disappointment to myself.

Anger and sadness seem to be the only emotions that are genuine and lasting anymore. I get so furious at all of mankind and yet have to keep it bottled away unless I want to be further isolated and miss out on the meaningless small talk with co-workers that pretty much makes up my only social interaction.

I hate everything, if God wanted me saved He should of just let me drown when I was 3. At least then the soul wouldn't have become this rotten dark void that I've become.

People's suffering are hard to compare,but in the end depression is caused either by environment either by a chemical imbalance.
If you believe there is nothing in your environment that makes you sad,and you have true friends and people who love you and you are not in some type of existential crisis and your relationship with God is a good one,then is a chemical imbalance.
In my opinion you just seem hurt.