"equally yoked"?

[jay0i]

Hello all! I'm new to this forum.

I am just seeking some relationship advice. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a little over a year and I feel that we both feel obligated to stay in this relationship.

He tries to agree to disagree, however.. I simply cannot let some of his habits go. We are both 19 and find ourselves struggling with the world and what God has planned for us to do... and the only issue I have with him is his attitude towards God and what his stand is on alcohol.

He thinks that it's fine at this age.
I don't.
We disagree.. and argue.
He wants to leave religion out of our conversations... and I feel that God plays a bigger part in my life than that. I want God to be a part of my future husband and myself's relationship.
Our time just might be up..

We both think we're in love, but I just don't know anymore!

Thanks in advance!

 

[ChildOfGod20]

wow that's a tough situation. but you are right, God should play a HUGE part in our lives and our relationships with others, especially intimate relationships. the person you are with should encourage you daily in your walk with God. if he is not then I would ask God what His will is for your relationship. and remember when you ask God that you should put aside your desires and totally focus on God and what He wants. if you ask God what His will is and you have these deep desires in your heart that are saying "he's a nice guy and i really think we're good together" then the response you get will be just that.

and about drinking... its perfectly fine to not want him to drink because
1. it's not biblical 2. it alters the mind and keeps you from making Godly decisions
3. it leads to worse things and a destructive path
4. it's a worldly thing to do and we should "set our minds on things above and not on eartly things"
if he loves you then he will put your desires before his. the best thing you can do about this is to pray.

 

[peanutbutter12]

I'm going to agree and disagree. First off, there is nothing wrong with drinking, however there is a limit to that. The Bible says in not so many words to avoid getting drunk. This doesn't mean that it's not ok to drink, but to do it in moderation.

At your boyfriends age though, as I am taking him to be a minor, it would be wrong for him because there are laws against minors drinking, and the Bible says also to obey the laws of the land.

Another thing is that if he chooses something over you this early in your relationship after you have asked him time and time again to not do it because it really bothers you, than it will lead to problems down the road. Those are problems you will want to avoid.

And for the last, if you have to think you love someone, than chances are, you don't. Love isn't a feeling, it's a decision that you will care for that person despite their short comings.

Pray about it and see where God wants to lead you.

CJ

 

[Johnnz]

This issue may be a good test of which way your relationship could go. There are many issues in life that are not always clear cut and over which people disagree - even Christian beliefs with around 33,000 different denominations. In those situations the relationship will be in big trouble if the couple cannot handle differences when they arise.

John
NZ

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Hello all! I'm new to this forum.

Howdy sis Check your guestbook!

I am just seeking some relationship advice. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a little over a year and I feel that we both feel obligated to stay in this relationship.

Why do you feel obligated?

He thinks that it's fine at this age. I don't.

My answer to this depends on where he lives. For instance, in some places the legal drinking age is 21, so it would be wrong for a 19 year old to drink. On the other hand if he is above the legal drinking age where he lives then I don't see a big problem (unless of course he shows signs of becoming an alcoholic).

He wants to leave religion out of our conversations... and I feel that God plays a bigger part in my life than that. I want God to be a part of my future husband and myself's relationship.
Our time just might be up..

Perhaps it is over-talk to Jesus about it.

We both think we're in love, but I just don't know anymore!

I suspect that you are defining love as a feeling by the way you phrased your sentence ("we both think we're in love")-that is society's definition of love. However, that is not how the Bible defines love, for Christians love is an action verb: 1 Corinthians 13

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

John 3:16


"But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."
Romans 5:8

The Cross is the ultimate demonstraation of love. I recommend that you read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I don't agree with all of Josh Harris' book, but he does a good job explaining how Scripture defines love.

Thanks in advance!

Your welcome.

DIANE

 

[NicelyAged]

"I suspect that you are defining love as a feeling by the way you phrased your sentence ("we both think we're in love")-that is society's definition of love. However, that is not how the Bible defines love, for Christians love is an action verb: 1 Corinthians 13"

** Wow Diane, that was brilliant. I've never thought of that. Thanks for posting it.

"I recommend that you read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I don't agree with all of Josh Harris' book, but he does a good job explaining how Scripture defines love."
** I heard from someone I knew back when that book came out that they saw a Josh Harris interview and he admitted that he dates.

 

[Leanna]

Why do you feel obligated?

 

[Mr.Cheese]

"we both feel obligated to stay in this relationship."

Famous last words. You are obligated to make healthy decisions that will lead you to a more satisfying life in the future.
I'm not seeing the synergy between you two that would indicate a relationship not based on overcoming endless strife. Life is too short. Loving one another doesn't mean that the two of you should be together. Too many people shortchange themselves by enduring a relationship rather than being in a relationship that breeds joy.

 

[jay0i]

Why do you feel obligated?

Because he's almost a part of me.. he's my bestfriend.

I know it may sound stupid but it's true.

 

[jay0i]

wow that's a tough situation. but you are right, God should play a HUGE part in our lives and our relationships with others, especially intimate relationships. the person you are with should encourage you daily in your walk with God. if he is not then I would ask God what His will is for your relationship. and remember when you ask God that you should put aside your desires and totally focus on God and what He wants. if you ask God what His will is and you have these deep desires in your heart that are saying "he's a nice guy and i really think we're good together" then the response you get will be just that.

and about drinking... its perfectly fine to not want him to drink because
1. it's not biblical 2. it alters the mind and keeps you from making Godly decisions
3. it leads to worse things and a destructive path
4. it's a worldly thing to do and we should "set our minds on things above and not on eartly things"
if he loves you then he will put your desires before his. the best thing you can do about this is to pray.

And specifically, where does it say in the bible that it is not okay to drink. I haven't looked it up.

 

[Leanna]

Well there's Eph 5:18, but it is just one verse.... I guess it depends on what you believe.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

yes there's ephesians 5:18 "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit." and theres proverbs 23:29 "Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine..." and isaiah 5:11 "Woe to those who rise early in the morning to run after their drinks, who stay up late at night till they are inflamed with wine." there are so many that talk about not being drunk. of course these verses are only talking about being drunk and not just drinking without getting drunk. but so many times people think they can handle drinking and it leads to sin and broken homes. i believe that if something could possibly cause destruction then i'm gonna stay far away from it.

 

[Leanna]

Well, I don't believe that drinking is a sin in its entireity. However, I can understand why you would not want him to drink. I do not drink and neither does my husband, but if he did it would be hard for me.

In my experience many times when people feel "obligated" to stay in a relationship it is because they have gone too far physically. Just know that God can heal and you are not obligated until you are married.

 

[jay0i]

yes there's ephesians 5:18 "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit." and theres proverbs 23:29 "Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine..." and isaiah 5:11 "Woe to those who rise early in the morning to run after their drinks, who stay up late at night till they are inflamed with wine." there are so many that talk about not being drunk. of course these verses are only talking about being drunk and not just drinking without getting drunk. but so many times people think they can handle drinking and it leads to sin and broken homes. i believe that if something could possibly cause destruction then i'm gonna stay far away from it.

Thanks, I esp. like the eph. verse. I haven't done much research on it, but this helps.