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Enough is enough!!!
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Kol
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OP's hubby here. I think her working has opened her eyes a bit.
I'm not working. She works nights and generally sleeps from 2pm to 9pm, when she wakes up for work.
My 3yo does munchkin things: chicken alfredo plastered across his TV, peeing on the floor, jumping and dancing when I'm trying to tell him something...I'm also taking four classes this semester (business law, international business, corporate finance, and accounting). And the baby is crawling now (since she started working), so she's all over the place. I grab as much sleep as I can (on the couch) while the baby sleeps. I get to sleep beside my wife maybe once or twice a week.
She still feels that way, I think.
I let her pick a babysitter, someone I'd never met before. She cancelled because the baby wouldn't sleep through the night.
She does the same. On her nights off, she sleeps until the kids are in bed (at least the toddler).
Idk what else to say but to remind everyone that there are always two sides to an issue.
8462 said:
I'm not working. She works nights and generally sleeps from 2pm to 9pm, when she wakes up for work.
My 3yo does munchkin things: chicken alfredo plastered across his TV, peeing on the floor, jumping and dancing when I'm trying to tell him something...I'm also taking four classes this semester (business law, international business, corporate finance, and accounting). And the baby is crawling now (since she started working), so she's all over the place. I grab as much sleep as I can (on the couch) while the baby sleeps. I get to sleep beside my wife maybe once or twice a week.
She still feels that way, I think.
I let her pick a babysitter, someone I'd never met before. She cancelled because the baby wouldn't sleep through the night.
She does the same. On her nights off, she sleeps until the kids are in bed (at least the toddler).
Idk what else to say but to remind everyone that there are always two sides to an issue.
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akmom
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It sounds like you guys have a lot on your plate. I know it is inconvenient not to have family nearby as a support network, but I still think that in the long run, it is better. It forces you to handle your own challenges and make your own sacrifices, which makes you stonger and more dedicated as a couple and as parents. Our premarital counselor advised us not to depend on relatives, and geographical separation kind of forced us into that advice anyway. I don't regret it. We had a lot of hardships early on (especially finances), but they passed. Young couples we knew who depended on their parents for support (especially housing and childcare) just ended up trapped in that situation and never really gained their independence - which is an important part of marriage. (Of course, you've got to do what you've got to do; I'm just saying that if you can manage it independently, I think that's best.)
My husband and I chose to finish our education before having kids. Some people wait until their children are older and in school. I did have classmates with young children, but none of them succeeded. I know it's very hard. I had a close friend who spent nine years getting her degree, because the demands of working and parenting left little time and money to make progress on her degree. I always wondered why she didn't just wait until her son was in school and get it done in four years; trying to juggle it all at once didn't help her graduate any faster or cheaper.
But you know the dynamics of your family. If you budget your time and money as a couple so the children are cared for, the bills are paid, and you can attend class and study enough to succeed, then that's an option. But if the budget is tight, or you're prone to distractions (like gaming), it may not be. Children need quality time with their caretaker, not just basic needs. Whichever parent is with them the most needs to provide that.
My husband and I chose to finish our education before having kids. Some people wait until their children are older and in school. I did have classmates with young children, but none of them succeeded. I know it's very hard. I had a close friend who spent nine years getting her degree, because the demands of working and parenting left little time and money to make progress on her degree. I always wondered why she didn't just wait until her son was in school and get it done in four years; trying to juggle it all at once didn't help her graduate any faster or cheaper.
But you know the dynamics of your family. If you budget your time and money as a couple so the children are cared for, the bills are paid, and you can attend class and study enough to succeed, then that's an option. But if the budget is tight, or you're prone to distractions (like gaming), it may not be. Children need quality time with their caretaker, not just basic needs. Whichever parent is with them the most needs to provide that.
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Kol
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That's an interesting view, about not depending on relatives. TBH, none of ours really have their game together, so it's really a non-issue anyway.
Generally whichever one of us is working suffers in seeing the kids. It is tough. And we make the bills. My wife stresses more than I do (and I think that's a big part of what started this thread), because (IMHO) she came from a group home, where the bills were always paid. I know what it's like to not have lights or water for a few weeks, or to have to walk to work, and I don't feel it's below me.
Thank you for the positive advice and encouragement.
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PegasusOnFire
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It sounds to me that you both are being a bit selfish in wanting your "me" time. you are both expecting way to much of eachother. Marriage is a two way street, there needs to be give and take from both sides and right now you both want to take and not give. All I am hearing on both sides is me, me, me and if he/she would just do...
I have 4 kids aged 7 and under, my husband works nights, I work days. I have to cook, clean, look after kids and do errands with at least 2 kids in tow. My husband sleeps while I am home between routes. When I am at work he is up cleaning and looking after the kids. He does the before and after school runs, makes lunches for our older two children and bathes and feeds the younger two children, then I get home I take over and he goes to bed. There are only 2 nights a week where we sleep next to eachother, and that is what we do, sleep.
When there are children involved you need to give up shelfishness and put on selflessness. I don't remember the last time I have had "me" time, but I do remember all the times that my kids have thanked me for what I have done for them, or told me that they loved me. If all they feel is hostility, and they are very receptive to how you feel about eachother, then they will grow up to be resentful of you both. But if they see and feel love around them then they will be happy well adjusted kids.
God tells us that when we are joined in marriage then we become one, we are no longer two seperate people we are two halves of a whole.
I am not saying that you cannot have "me" time or time without kids, everyone needs that, I am saying that you cannot expect or demand it.
I have been blessed with amazing in-laws who call me up and ask if they can have the kids so that DH and I can do what ever, most of the time we take a nap, lol.
Well I have said my 2 cents worth on this and am now off to do some cleaning and playing with my kids as we all have a snow day.
I have 4 kids aged 7 and under, my husband works nights, I work days. I have to cook, clean, look after kids and do errands with at least 2 kids in tow. My husband sleeps while I am home between routes. When I am at work he is up cleaning and looking after the kids. He does the before and after school runs, makes lunches for our older two children and bathes and feeds the younger two children, then I get home I take over and he goes to bed. There are only 2 nights a week where we sleep next to eachother, and that is what we do, sleep.
When there are children involved you need to give up shelfishness and put on selflessness. I don't remember the last time I have had "me" time, but I do remember all the times that my kids have thanked me for what I have done for them, or told me that they loved me. If all they feel is hostility, and they are very receptive to how you feel about eachother, then they will grow up to be resentful of you both. But if they see and feel love around them then they will be happy well adjusted kids.
God tells us that when we are joined in marriage then we become one, we are no longer two seperate people we are two halves of a whole.
I am not saying that you cannot have "me" time or time without kids, everyone needs that, I am saying that you cannot expect or demand it.
I have been blessed with amazing in-laws who call me up and ask if they can have the kids so that DH and I can do what ever, most of the time we take a nap, lol.
Well I have said my 2 cents worth on this and am now off to do some cleaning and playing with my kids as we all have a snow day.
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