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Engaged, Living Together, Feeling Convicted

Discussion in 'Courting Couples' started by Bee43, Sep 26, 2017.

  1. Bee43

    Bee43 New Member

    United States
    This is my first post on this forum, or any forum for that matter, but I would like some opinions on something I've been struggling with lately.

    My fiance and I have been together for 7 years. We just got engaged this June and are planning on getting married next August. We had been going to church on and off through the course of our relationship, but our faith has grown tremendously this year in particular when we each made an individual decision to follow Christ and live according to His word. Our relationship with each other and our relationship with Jesus is now stronger than ever, but lately I've been struggling with the fact that we live together and still have sex regularly. We've lived together for about 5 years now, we have a home and 3 dogs and shared bills. At church recently, the pastor of the young adult group we go to has been repeatedly confirming that living together before marriage and having premarital sex is displeasing to God. I honestly feel like it's the one thing stopping me from giving 100% of my life to Christ, which is all I want.

    Lately we've been considering eloping, as it seems to be the easiest fix to our problem, but after all this time we've been together, I don't want to lose out on having a big wedding with all of our family and friends to celebrate our relationship.

    Is it deceitful to get married in secret and still plan a full on wedding?

    I feel like although our families would probably understand, they may feel "tricked".

    I know a lot of people who have had a small courthouse wedding and plan to "have a reception later on", but it never happens for them, and I don't want that to happen to us. I still want to have a wedding next August, but I don't feel right about living in sin anymore.

    Thanks for your thoughts.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Jane_Doe

    Jane_Doe Well-Known Member

    I attended a big wedding celebration just last month for a friend who got married over a year ago-- in a small courthouse ceremony planed 48 hours before hand. It was a fantastic big party last month and we all had a great time supporting my friend and her husband.

    There is nothing deceptive if you tell people that's what you want to do. Keep planning the big party to celebrate the relationship and be completely honest about getting married in the meantime.

    (Also: way to go following Christ!)
  3. hopesum

    hopesum New Member

    United States
    Peace is underrated. Tie the knot asap. Do it for no one else but to honor God.
    How would you like if he did something for you half way, or cut corners on it?
    Do the right thing before God.

    After which, your peace of mind will be so heavenly, planning the wedding you desire will be wonderful.
  4. Observer

    Observer Observer

    Christian Seeker
    In Relationship
    I don't believe marriage erases what anyone has done. I left my husband due to abuse and am in a serious relationship with another man. If we got legally married, it wouldn't erase that were already cohabiting and having sex. That's done. I deliberately had sex with him when I wasn't yet fully committed to spending my life with him. Now I am, but it doesn't change what I did or my intent at the time. Marriage isn't like baptism, it doesn't wash what's already happened away in my view. For me, I just accept what I have done and I am unsure if I want to get remarried due to that