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Discussion in 'Struggles with Sexuality' started by savedthroughgrace, Aug 21, 2018.

  1. savedthroughgrace

    savedthroughgrace Member

    United States
    Hi all,

    (sorry for the long post)

    I am new to the forums but I have been a Christian my whole life. I have, however, had some struggles for a lot of my life. I'm 24 and married. At a young age I was introduced to pornography and since then sexual immorality of different kinds have been a struggle. I remember learning a lot about sex from male friends in school and we would engage in things like watching porn together and mutual masturbation. I won't bore you with every detail of my life but it is mostly good and I love my wife. We have been married for 3 years and it has been sort of rocky with lack of communication and lack of sexual intimacy. She knew in college I was addicted to porn and I stopped viewing it. Due to the lack of intimacy I believe the temptation occurred and I began viewing porn intermittently. Last year I got a new job and became friends with a female coworker. We really only saw each other at work and when we texted it was mostly innocent. I have always been somewhat of a flirt with people so I am sure that was happening. I grew to like the attention she gave me and knew she was attracted to me. We became physical on 2 nights, never having intercourse or oral but other physical things. Anyway, I could not live with myself and prayed about how to come back from this happening. I unfriended her and decided to tell my wife. My wife forgave me but I have not been able to forgive myself. We read The Love Dare and we both acknowledge we could have been better at living a healthy marriage. Things were going well but then I remembered that around the time of our marriage I was still friends with a friend from school and we used to do the mutual masturbation and all of that. Well he still came around and we ended up performing oral on each other. This was something I was curious about and we did it multiple times. Every time I would tell him BEFORE HAND that I did not want to do it. He would try to convince me to do it and usually it would work. Finally I decided to block all contact with him and never speak to him again. I told my wife this but she never really knew why. Fast forward a year/year and a half (honestly I'm not sure how long ago this was.) I decided that in order to have a marriage worth having I should built it on the truth. So I confessed this to her also. She has been extremely loving and forgiving. We decided that since I was having such trouble forgiving myself that we should go to therapy together. We have been to one session and I really enjoyed it. I write all of this to say...HELP. I have times where I feel absolutely worthless. I cannot forgive myself for my actions. I need some encouragement badly and any advice on how to move forward is appreciated.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. seekingmuch

    seekingmuch Active Member

    United States
    The hardest thing to do is forgive yourself, but your wife forgave you. You're cool. :)
  3. savedthroughgrace

    savedthroughgrace Member

    United States
    Thanks for the reply. I have had severe ups and downs with this. Thank you for being kind.
  4. Mike the Counselor

    Mike the Counselor New Member

    United States
    Self forgiveness isn't really a biblical concept. The real issues are shame, guilt, and condemnation. If you have honestly confessed before God and your wife and repented of your sin, then you have no reason to continue in shame, guilt, and condemnation. You are believing the lies of the enemy if you can't get past your confessed sin. Quit believing the enemy and start believing the truth. Memorize Romans 8:1 and I John 1:9 and recite them anytime you feel condemnation. Smother the lies with the truth and soon you will find that you are free from the past! Whom the Son sets free is free indeed!