Emotional problem??

[Iktomi]

Hey all. Here' the long and the short of it.
Married for 3 years to an amazing woman. I know I am exceedingly lucky to know her as such.
Problem:
I have lost all physical desire. Even holding, hugging, touching...all of it. It's really starting to take a toll on her and I don't know how to change it. I know what Ephesians says and i know somewhere inside that it is something I must do whether I feel like it or not, but it is so very difficult. In a wierd way I'm almost repulsed by physical contact. (Well, maybe just by physical contact that requires an emotion that I just can't seem to feel.) There is no question that I love her more than anything. Anyone been here?
Thanks in advance for your advice and prayers.

 

[IslandBreeze]

How does she treat you? Is she good to you? A lot of how a person is treated affects the way they act towards a person. If your wife treats you poorly, it could very well affect how you feel about physical contact with her.

 

[Iktomi]

That's the thing. She treats me wonderfully! She's literally a dream of a wife.

 

[momluvsjesus]

This is a little personal, and you don't have to answer..just something for you to think about. But if you guys were sexually intimate before marriage that may have an effect on your attraction to her now. My husband and I were "together" before marriage and it has definitely created similar obstacles in our sex life. It became difficult for me to look at making love as an okay or even enjoyable thing because premarital sex had always left me with such a guilty feeling. When you get used to feeling negative about something it's hard to start feeling positive about it again...even if you want to and even if it's okay to. All I can say is don't let your feelings dictate your actions. Trust the Bible. God says you should make love with your wife, so that's what you should do. Pray about it before hand, if possible...and ask God to give you a strong physical desire for your wife. I have faith that it will happen. If God did it for me He'll do it for you!

 

[IslandBreeze]

That's the thing. She treats me wonderfully! She's literally a dream of a wife.

Maybe it's just something that you're thinking about too much. Maybe you dwell on it until it eats you up, and then you've thought about it so much when it comes time for physical contact, you become edgy. I'm not a psychologist, but I'd say try not to think about it and just love and hug on your wife. See what happens...hope that helps a little...

 

[desi]

Have you lost a job recently or had any other new nonmarital stress? That can do it. When you are alone sometime experimenting with thoughts can help you 'fix' things for her sake.

 

[bkg]

Been there, done that. It hurt my wife tremendously. She finally broke and said "I need this"... It often took every single cell in my body and a chant of "you can do this" to hold her hand or give her a hug or simple tell her that I love her.

After a week of doing it daily, I fell in love with her all over again! I also started to enjoy the non-sexual intimacy and affection more than I can put into words. In fact, I think I actually miss that more than sex...

It may feel completely unnatural and it may not be easy, but I promise you that by simply "doing it" and praying about it, you will come to love it.

bkg

 

[Iktomi]

Been there, done that. It hurt my wife tremendously. She finally broke and said "I need this"... It often took every single cell in my body and a chant of "you can do this" to hold her hand or give her a hug or simple tell her that I love her.

After a week of doing it daily, I fell in love with her all over again! I also started to enjoy the non-sexual intimacy and affection more than I can put into words. In fact, I think I actually miss that more than sex...

It may feel completely unnatural and it may not be easy, but I promise you that by simply "doing it" and praying about it, you will come to love it.

bkg

All of you have given good advice, but this one really hits home. Man it's good to know that I'm not the only one, and that it can be overcome!
I will try the little engine that could approach. Thanks a lot!

 

[bkg]

All of you have given good advice, but this one really hits home. Man it's good to know that I'm not the only one, and that it can be overcome!
I will try the little engine that could approach. Thanks a lot!

No problem. Remember this: non-sexual physical intimacy is very important for a woman. I'm listening to Jimmy Evans' "Marriage on the Rock" series right now and HE went through this exact same thing. Made a world of difference for his marraige as well.

Good luck!

 

[tesnusxenos]

Have you been to your doctor? There are quite a few illnesses and vitamin deficiancies that should be ruled out.