Emergency friendship saving strategy

[Ben Collyer]

I have a female close friend that i've known for a year, we are very close, but due to my attachment style I tend to get very jealous and possessive of female close friends, probably some mixed romantic feelings in there as I don't get possessive of males

ANYWAY, I can't handle the jealousy and anger that accompanies me but I also don't want to destroy what we have

SO, what would you do in this situation? For me I feel the best option is to give each other some space for a month or two and then that will allow me to break that attachment and work on therapy to prevent it for the future

 

[brinny]

I have a female close friend that i've known for a year, we are very close, but due to my attachment style I tend to get very jealous and possessive of female close friends, probably some mixed romantic feelings in there as I don't get possessive of males

ANYWAY, I can't handle the jealousy and anger that accompanies me but I also don't want to destroy what we have

SO, what would you do in this situation? For me I feel the best option is to give each other some space for a month or two and then that will allow me to break that attachment and work on therapy to prevent it for the future

Is this the same female who was distancing herself from you?

 

[Ben Collyer]

Is this the same female who was distancing herself from you?

yes but it turned out that distance was percieved and not reality, we actually sorted that out

 

[brinny]

therapy to prevent it for the future

Did this female suggest the therapy?

 

[Ben Collyer]

Did this female suggest the therapy?

nope I did because its a reccuring pattern in all my relationships and Im sick of it

 

[brinny]

nope I did because its a reccuring pattern in all my relationships and Im sick of it

Keep us updated on the therapy.

 

[Andrew77]

I have a female close friend that i've known for a year, we are very close, but due to my attachment style I tend to get very jealous and possessive of female close friends, probably some mixed romantic feelings in there as I don't get possessive of males

ANYWAY, I can't handle the jealousy and anger that accompanies me but I also don't want to destroy what we have

SO, what would you do in this situation? For me I feel the best option is to give each other some space for a month or two and then that will allow me to break that attachment and work on therapy to prevent it for the future

So are not going to like my advice. I've had the same thing happen to me once. Only once, but when it did, I realized I was in the wrong, and stepped away from the relationship.

If you are getting jealous and angry over someone who is not your wife, then you are too close, and you need to back away from the relationship.

The only person for a christian to have that kind of attachment to, is a spouse. Is you are not married to the person you are having this jealousy over, then you are in the wrong. You need to back away.

Now, even then, I would suggest you need to learn some self control. You are going to end smothering whatever woman you marry. You need to gain control of your jealousy and anger. You are not owed anything. You need to eat some humble pie, and stop thinking that other people owe you something. No one does.

 

[LoricaLady]

You sound conflicted. A good friend is a good choice for a spouse, yet you don't seem to want that with her. I feel sorry for her, actually. Is there something you feel unattractive about her that makes you want to stay "just friends"? If so, I think you should back off. You are in a situation where either of your would naturally develop romantic feelings, but if she isn't going to be "the one" for you, she can get hurt.

Then on the other hand maybe she has a boyfriend already? Really more info is needed on why you don't want to be involved with her as more than friends.