For a family member's birthday, I got them a bunch of junk food. It is stuff that person likes but as when he opened it his first words were that it was excessive. I should have kept some of it back. I didn't over spend - it was almost to the penny my budget for birthday gifts - but it was a lot of one thing. It was meant to be a fun thing but now I feel embarrassed. Definitely a lesson learned and I need to just let it go.
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Embarrassed!
- Thread starter brightfuture2172
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John Davidson
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I wouldn't worry about it. At least you bought them a gift. Try to get them something more to their liking next time.
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It was a little rude in a way - which is hard to say about a family member - and it was definitely the thought that counts. (And I could be taking it somewhat personally.) Anyway, I should have given a gift card with a little less junk food. Next time! I really thought it would be a liked gift. Oh well. I shall let this go soon.
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dhh712
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That's actually kind of strange on their part. Really, it is the thought that counts. (The only thing I can think of where it may have really been inappropriate is if he has a medical condition like diabetes or high cholesterol or something where it could be harmful for him to eat that stuff; in that case, yeah, you probably shouldn't have given him things like that. But that's a lesson learned and you move on). I get a few gifts at Christmas that I really don't like. The other person doesn't get any words from me except for thanks since that's what I'm thanking them for, thinking of me. If he didn't like the gift or thought it was too much, he can give it away or just throw it out. No big deal.
(Did he think it was excessive because he thought you spent too much or something? That should be okay to express, but not in a mean way toward the gift-giver. He should have just let you know you didn't have to give that much to him). Don't worry about having done something wrong-- you were doing something thoughtful by giving him something you thought he might like. I think it's nice that you're thinking about giving him something the next time because you really should give gifts expecting nothing at all in return, even thanks; yet, if he seems to get offended by the gifts, it may be something to consider to not give him any gifts at all.
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I knew it was something he really liked but the day before I gave the gift I thought of keeping back at least some of it. I wish I had done so now. I'm conflicted about the whole thing but am letting it go. I will know to get a gift card or something next time.
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posted: "...but the day before I gave the gift I thought of keeping back at least some of it." On these occasions I try to go with that prompting because it seems to work out better.
However, his response was inappropriate imo. Plus, he doesn't have to consume all of it, some or any of it - it's his choice.
However, his response was inappropriate imo. Plus, he doesn't have to consume all of it, some or any of it - it's his choice.
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Ok, let me get this straight. You gave someone a birthday gift, they immediately displayed a profound lack of gratitude and you feel embarrassed. I have a suggestion. Next year for the birthday, spend the same amount on food. Give it to a homeless shelter, and send the receipt to them in a birthday card explaining that you gave it to some people who WOULD be grateful.
There is no need to feel bad. Some people need to be taught manners.
There is no need to feel bad. Some people need to be taught manners.
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Goodbook
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OP we all have trouble, well I do, with gifts givng at times.
Rememeber if you give a gift, give it freely. That person may think its excessive but you were just being generous, no need to feel embarassed, just say i thought of you and you deserve it. You can say If you cant use it its ok to return it to me or give it to someone else. Then they can be a giver too!
When receiving a gift, often people dont feel worthy. We should also learn to be gracious receivers and just to say thankyou. What we do with the gift afterwards is up to us.
Rememeber if you give a gift, give it freely. That person may think its excessive but you were just being generous, no need to feel embarassed, just say i thought of you and you deserve it. You can say If you cant use it its ok to return it to me or give it to someone else. Then they can be a giver too!
When receiving a gift, often people dont feel worthy. We should also learn to be gracious receivers and just to say thankyou. What we do with the gift afterwards is up to us.
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Goodbook
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Gift cards can be a better option sometimes, but remember when you give a gift you actually let it go to that person you dont keep it back for yourself.
If someone isnt appreciative as you would like, rememebr that even when Jesus healed lepers only one came back to thank him. He did no miracles in places that were hardened because of their unbelief. Yet it didnt stop him from giving Himself to anyone who believed.
If someone isnt appreciative as you would like, rememebr that even when Jesus healed lepers only one came back to thank him. He did no miracles in places that were hardened because of their unbelief. Yet it didnt stop him from giving Himself to anyone who believed.
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Welllllll ...
I think we all should be grateful for anything we receive, but that's just me.
I was given a strange Christmas gift right before my cancer diagnosis. It was a keyring with a light pink fluffy ball on it. It was very soft and it was given to me by a child who struggled terribly with special needs. This sweet girl called it a "soft," because it was soft. I thanked her profusely.
My soft soon became my best friend both in and out of the hospital. It was big enough to feel and cry on, and small enough to be tucked in a pocket or hidden under a sheet. Nurses are the most paranoid people on the planet, bless their hearts. After I came home the first time, I found out the little girl had lost her soft somewhere. I sent my Mom on a witchhunt for a soft, and told her to buy a bunch of them if she found them. She found them at a Dollar Store, and bought 8 of them, all the same light pink.
Little Sister V has never lost a soft again, and by the way, the original one was found in the creek stuck under a rock.
It dried out and it's still soft.
All good things
Emmy
I think we all should be grateful for anything we receive, but that's just me.
I was given a strange Christmas gift right before my cancer diagnosis. It was a keyring with a light pink fluffy ball on it. It was very soft and it was given to me by a child who struggled terribly with special needs. This sweet girl called it a "soft," because it was soft. I thanked her profusely.
My soft soon became my best friend both in and out of the hospital. It was big enough to feel and cry on, and small enough to be tucked in a pocket or hidden under a sheet. Nurses are the most paranoid people on the planet, bless their hearts. After I came home the first time, I found out the little girl had lost her soft somewhere. I sent my Mom on a witchhunt for a soft, and told her to buy a bunch of them if she found them. She found them at a Dollar Store, and bought 8 of them, all the same light pink.
Little Sister V has never lost a soft again, and by the way, the original one was found in the creek stuck under a rock.
It dried out and it's still soft.
All good things
Emmy
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You could send a card right now with these equations:
EXCESSIVE = GENEROUS
NON-EXCESSIVE = STINGY
TAKE YOUR PICK.
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I agree. Sometimes we get odd things ... but it never hurts to be gracious AND grateful about it. In fact, that's how we should be!
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No, you shouldn't have done anything differently. You had some uncertainty about what to give, but you still did the best you could, otherwise you would have chosen to do something else. You didn't fail at anything. While it is impossible to not let people being negative affect you, at the same time, I would say, don't let it affect you! You're not a mind reader. You can't control his reaction. There's nothing you could have done that would have been better, otherwise you would have done it. Even if you had thought of something that would have been better, but it was too time-consuming or expensive, you still would have made the final decision for good reasons (humans have significant limitations).
Examine your expectations. You wanted to make someone happy for a little while. This is kind and good! But at the same time, recognize that you don't have enough control to guarantee success. Giving as Jesus taught us does not expect anything in return, and that includes gratitude. Focus on why you are giving and find success in fulfilling that goal. I am guessing that you care about the person. You showed you cared. Success! You wanted to make them happy for a little while: the goal there before God is that you did something with that heart attitude. Success! Rejoice in your success if you do this:
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:17, 1984 NIV)
You can only do what you can do with what you know. We all do things with certain hopes of results, but we need to leave the results up to God. Hoping for a positive reaction is good, but a pattern of expecting to be successful in the way you imagine indicates you aren't leaving God things up to God.
Niebuhr's (a theologian) serenity prayer is rooted in spiritual truths:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
It's OK to recognize that a family member was rude. But were they impolite, or just being honest? He is not in control of how he feels when he sees the gift. (He also has expectations based on impossible-to-have knowledge).
Don't feel like you need to be apologetic. Don't be apologetic (except when it is how you show politeness). Defend yourself against other people's expectations, as well. Most people (all fallen) are usually doing the best we can given our limitations.
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